Then Everything Changed
by Meganfitz
Summary: Donna is now working for the Santos Campaign. How will Josh react now that everything has changed? Then eveything changed. Putting together the missing peices. final Chapter!
1. chapter one A new beginning

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. All hail Aaron Sorkin!

Spoilers: I don't read them, so if there is any its by accident.

Post Ep: 2162 Votes

Characters: Josh and Donna.

Feedback: This is my first fanfic.

Author's Note: Sorry the mistakes on the first chapter were bothering me so I reload the story.

* * *

Once upon a time I was alone. Closed off, isolated, barely connected to other people; then one day this woman hired herself as my assistant. 

We were Josh and Donna, two people working in a small office, confided space. Days, weeks, months passed and I found myself relaying on her, then she left.

Disappeared into the night. I was alone again. Then just a mysteriously she returned. When she returned I swore I would never let her leave.

She made me better, stronger and smarter. She questioned everything I did. She many never know how often she saved my life.

Over time I stopped thinking of her as just someone working near my office, but as a part of myself. We were no longer two separate masses, but one creature. At least in my mind.

Fears started to keep me up at night, my second half could start to grow, and leave me. I admittedly held her back, in very sense of the word. At the time I thought I was protecting her. By I was lying to myself and I think she knew it.

More time passed and the more I relied on her, the less she needed me. She was growing. I let her leave me for a week; it almost killed her and myself. I thought my fears were at least slain as she was healing.

The worst sin of all was taking her for granted, thinking she would always be there.

But wounds heal. And then everything changed.

I ignored all the warning signs, she tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen. I couldn't listen. Then she was gone.

I was alone.

I wish I could say she came crying back to me. I wish I could say I greeted her with open arms. But the truth is, at first I didn't recognized her, she had grew so much. And it was Leo who hired her not me.

There is only one word I can think of to describe my tangled emotions: Bliss.

There she is, sitting on the bed laughing. Helen is laughing back, sharing some antic about her and Matt's early days of marriage. Very long story short, he can't cook.

Donna, Helen and Ronna find this to be humorous. I could not care less, Donna is back.

Each day away from her I felt hollow and achy, lost and alone. Half of my body was severed and most of my soul.

Apparently I stopped smiling too. This morning Matt was staring at me funny, when I asked why, he said, "I didn't know you had teeth."

She said her goal today was just to watch learn the campaign and get to know the candidate. I wonder how long that's going to last.

"Which one?" Santos asks. Both women stick up their noses at the ties.

"Wear Josh's." Donna calls out.

"Why mine?"

"Because both those ties are ugly and Will's ties has ducks on it." She brought Will over to our camp, too. I wish she had not have done that, but I guess she feels indebted to him, since he did give her more career advances in three months then I did in eight years.

"What's wrong with ducks?" Will, you fool.

"Nothing is wrong with ducks, expect they are stupid and ugly and somehow became the symbolic of masculinity. Which, by the way, when did you guys decided that?" Donna stares him down.

Will knows he has already lost. I sigh and start loosening my tie.

Two hours and already a victory, three months and I barely got to nomination for Santos.

Was she always this good?

"So, Donna how do you know Josh?"

MATT STOP!

"How do I know Josh?" No she's repeating the question. Not good. Her face is changing the smile is fading. She does this thing where her face changes and displaces every emotion she is feeling in one slow motion.

Happy.

Unhappy.

"She was his assistant for eight years." Damn it, Will!

Pissed.

Angry.

Rage. Stay at Rage. I can handle Rage.

Santos glances at me, one of those, sorry I didn't know because you didn't tell me looks.

"He never mentioned me?" Her voice quivers.

Will freezes.

Rage.

Sadness.

Disappointment.

Pain.

Santos backtracks"Oh, THIS is Donna. Oh yeah! He talks about you all the time. You know, I was wrong. I was thinking this whole time he was talking about Ronna. No, he never shuts- up about you."

I don't think she is buying this at all.

Pain.

Rage.

Shit.

"We have that thing, we are going to be late." Finally Will, you're useful for something.

Matt kisses Helen and we walk out the door. Santos smacks me upside the head.

"You never mentioned her! Three months and you never mentioned her."

"She broke his heart, sir."

"Shut the hell up, Will. You have no clue what you are talking about. I never talked about her because she never come up in conversation."

"So she did break your heart."

"With all due respect, you shut the hell up, too, sir." Donna will kill me when I get back.

* * *

I am going to kill him when he gets back. I will kill him, burn him, dance on his body… 

"You want to kill him."

"Hell ya." I've known Helen for two hours and she's like a soul sister.

"I didn't know he had teeth until you showed up. You know with the whole lack of smiling." If this is Ronna's "hey don't get mad at my boss he really is a nice guy you should feel better speech" she sucks at it.

"Your husband is a lousy lair." Helen smiles.

"Yeah I know. I am surprise he has been successful as a politician. So..." I sense I change of conversation coming. "Is there anything going on between you and Will?"

"Yuck!" Oh God I just said that out loud. "God, no he has a crush on Kate Harper back at the White House."

"How do you know?"

"He takes every opportunity to stare at her breasts."

"Then why?"

"Why did I ask Leo to hire Will too when he hire me? Will's a good guy, he deserved a second chance after that whole Russell fiasco."

I had another reason. But neither Will nor Josh know it, so I'm not telling you.

We change the subject to the campaign, no one is really happy with it. I thought it was just me who got disenchanted with the whole thing.

Watching the meet and greet on TV I see why. We have a lot of work to do.

When they come back Ronna and Helen are lying on the bed, stomachs down, and legs up eating freshly popped popcorn; waiting for the show.

"What. The. Hell. Was. That?" I speak slowly and clearly because I am saving my energy for the tirade I am about to go on. "I will repeat the question for those who weren't paying attention. What the hell was that?" All three of them have that deer caught in headlights facial expression.

"It wasn't that bad." Do I really need to explain who said this comment? Does it really matter?

"Wasn't that bad? American is great. Ten minutes of one idea American is great. You never even explain why or how its great. Will, I have never hear you writing something of an 6th grade boy caliber before. He isn't Bob Russell, he's Jed Bartlett without the boring lectures about New Hampshire. Congressmen, do you even WANT to be president?"

"Sure."

"'Sure' Why?" There it was; the core question that no one seemed to be asking. I glanced at Josh. He starts staring at my shoes.

Oh Josh, why aren't you reminding him of this answer.

"Did Josh fill your head about lies of living in the White House? Did he only tell you about the fancy dinners and flying around in Air Force One? Did he tell you that every minute of your day is recorded for history? Did you tell you about the termites, or that not all the fireplaces are real? Did you know that most of the bathrooms in the residence don't even work right? What about your staff? Do they know or understand what they are giving up? Do you guys like sex? You can kiss that goodbye. I will ask you this again, Congressman. Why do you want to be president?"

"Um. To help people? I guess." Weak answer.

"You can't remember can you? What about the rest of you?" I address the other people in the room. They shrug. "What have you done to them, Josh?"

"Are you doing this because I didn't talk about you?" I'm going to kill him.

"News flash Lyman the world does not in fact revolve around you. Everyone sit down. We are canceling the rest of the events today."

* * *

She makes everyone write down ten reasons why they want this job. So much for her not doing much for the first few days. Then she makes us share them. It was cheesy and sappy and lame, but it worked. She made everyone 'own' something, anything; a policy, plan, bill or even a concept. 

She told the painful truth about working at the White House and asked if everyone was still on board. Then she played "Mr. Smith goes to Washington." She dragged the Secret Service men in to watch "the good part".

When the movie was over Will jumped up and cried, "I have to go right now."

"Where are you going?"

"I have to WRITE now" and he disappeared into the night.

"Josh, I need to read some of the old speeches from New Hampshire and all the other speeches from his re-elections. Why don't we order food and talk about it in my room."

Your room? Ok.

"Sure."

"Great." She smiles, I think that is what I missed the most, sweet gentle smiles.

After two hours of reading ten-year-old speeches, she finally says it, what's been bugging her since this morning. "You never mentioned me?" I spent most of the day rehearsing how to respond to this.

"No one brought you up."

"Why didn't you "bring me up?"

"Why would I talk about my assistant? You left me, remember? Why the hell would I want to talk about you?" My words spit at her will venom, I really wasn't expecting my own reaction. She flinches.

"Did you talk about anyone?" she asks in a whisper barely audible. Anyone, she means CJ or Toby or Sam.

"No." I lied.

"You're lying." How does she do that?

"You didn't answer my question." She gazes into my eyes, piercing my soul. Damn.

"Which question?"

"Why didn't you talk about me? I know I was just your assistant but still. I am your friend, you did tell them about your friends. Right?"

Her words weren't filled with anger, as expected, but loneliness and pain. You're my best friend. You left me. I could have dealt not having Toby, or C.J. or Leo, but you. I felt like I died.

"It hurt."

In one motion she raised herself from the bed on to her knees. I stood at the foot of the bed, her hands gracefully on my face. Fire. Her hands are like torches and suddenly all the fury, frustration and pain melted away.

"I never meant to hurt you. Do you know why I left?"

"Yes," I figured it out you didn't need to tell me.

"Josh, I am sorry for every ounce of pain I cause, for every sleepless night."

She runs her fingers through my hair.

My stomach flipping, my heart beating, I lean in.

"Josh." She whispers in my ear.

"Yes, Donna."

"You owe me a salad."

She flopped back on the bed resuming her read. That did not go as I had hoped.


	2. chapter two Then everything changed

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Feedback- Always welcome

Chapter 2 Then Everything Changed

* * *

He wanted to kiss me.

I wanted to kiss him.

I wanted him in my arms and I wanted all the pain to disappear, melt away.

Then I remember in three months he didn't call or e-mail when I did.

So I reminded him of the salad. Jerk.

Damn ten years of boring, very boring speeches. He has got to stop writing is own stuff.

Eyelids are getting heavy, breathing slowing down. I hate this time, it happens every night. This is the point where I can move and wake myself up or sleep where the dreams come.

Fire. Heat. Twisted metal. Roaring explosions, more heat, more fire. Fire, burning bone piercing my skin. I can't breathe. I am going to die here. Screams. Heat. Pain. Faceless people pull at me, yank me. Red. Red everywhere. Panic. Voices. His voice calls my name. Donna.

* * *

Two more hours of reading, she changed into her sweat pants and a tank top.

We don't talk much. She rolled over to face the door and away from me, who set up camp at the little table next to her bed.

I think she is asleep, she's been on the same page for twenty minutes now. I finish my last page and stand to leave.

Her blonde hair veils her back, she's appears peaceful.

Expect now she's not.

She's twitching every so slightly and moaning. Not cute sexy moans but gut wrenching moans.

Her breathing even changed, short and harsh.

I sit next to her pushing her hair from her face. "Donna, wake up," I say not loud, not soft, kind and concerned.

Her eyes bolt open, wet and salty.

Then everything changed.

She gasped, "Stay." So I did.

* * *

I have a sixth sense for when the alarm is about to go off. I wake five minutes before. Hmm.

Something is different; I'm warm but not sweating.

Bunnies. I dreamed of bunnies, and fish and flying, isn't all of them symbolic of something.

I can't move my arm, true I haven't gotten the energy to open my eyes, but my arms should be able to move.

I feel rested, not panicky, I keep thinking about the dream, it's not right. No fire or pain.

I didn't relive Gaza.

Why the hell is my back so warm and my arms are stone? Slowly, Donna, open your eyes.

There is an arm. NOT my arm, hairy, soft and strong.

A man's arm.

Oh, shit, this isn't what I think it is.

The smell, musky: I know this smell, I know this arm.

"Josh." Don't let him hear the panic in your own voice.

"Mmmm." He's still sleeping.

Maybe I could move. I don't want to. There is a strange sensation running though my body.

What is this feeling? Safe. That's what it is. I feel safe.

When did I last feel it? When I woke up in Germany, and I saw him.

That was the last time I felt this at peace.

"Josh, wake up." I hate myself for doing this.

"No, I'm sleeping." I missed his groggy voice, I missed making his wake up calls.

"My alarm is going to go off in three minutes, you have to wake up."

"I don't want to," he whines, raspy and sexy. Focus Donna, focus.

"Josh, you do know you are in my hotel room, in my bed don't you?"

"Uh huh." Ok so he isn't drunk or something.

"What are you doing here?"

"You asked me to stay." He says it like it is the most obvious of answers. Me, I am confused as all hell.

Him, he's calm and sleeping.

When did I ask him to stay? The last words I spoke to him were, "you owe me a salad."

"Josh, I need you to wake up a little bit and focus." He sighs, he's been awake for a few minutes. That bastard was toying with me.

"We didn't have sex Donna, calm down, you were having a nightmare and I woke you up. You asked me to stay and I did. You needed me."

I'm humbled, he isn't toying with me, he's just Josh. It's his tone that makes my stomach dance, my vision get burly.

He's lost all sleepiness from his voice, the words are soft and hang in the air. I needed him and he stayed. He makes it seem so simple, natural as if there wasn't all the...history there. He pulls his arm away from me and rolls away.

He's fully dressed expect for his dress shirt, that's balled up on the chair. "Sorry, I won't help you again. I didn't think you'd freak out like this." He mutters under his breath.

Shit, he's hurt, again. He always said I guilted him into things, I pouted and manipulated him. It was a two way street. He grabs his shirt and walks around the bed to the door.

He won't even look at me. I'm going to lose him forever this time.

"Josh." I call out; still on my side a grab is arm. He's motionless and looks at me. His eyes filled with shame, pain, and fear,

"I..I wasn't expecting...um, I didn't know..."

Damnit, just say it! But I know I can't.

We're not ready. Instead I settle for the next best thing. "Thank you."

His dimples flash across his face.

"Any time Donna." My alarm goes off.


	3. Chapter three

1Disclaimers: Not mine

Third Chapter in the Then Everything Changed Series.

Author's notes: Helen and Will's POV. I just wanted to have a little fun.

* * *

Matt and I call the kids to wake them up. Three weeks with my sister and they have the routine down pat. It's hanging up that is the hardest for Matt. It tears him up to be for far from them. It's the goodbyes that are hard for me.

The living area to the suite is beginning to buzz, the troops are signing in for the day.

Donna brought bagels, and force feeds two of the secret service agent. She's interesting to say the least. Entertaining. That's what she is.

Josh is almost a different man. Whole, not a shell.

"What's the occasion?"

"I slept very well last night, the first time in a long time."

She smiles, so does Josh, who is in earshot. They are desperately trying not to make eye contact.

He looks good today, well rested, and calm and he's wearing a new tie, or at least one I've never seen before.

"Did you get everything bagels?" My husband; stomach first then the rest of the world.

"Yeah, they're in a separate bag, some people don't like the way they make all the others taste."

She meant Josh, she said some people, but I see the cleaver little game she plays.

Hmm he has dimples, who knew?

She starts to hum which evolves to sing, "And how could I ever refuse I feel like I win when I lose and catches herself. "Why they hell am I singing ABBA?"

"Did you drive to get the bagels?" She nods. "The driver only has one CD in the van. ABBA Gold, he plays it every low so only he can here, but the whole staff now knows every word to the CD. Hey Josh, nice tie."

He doesn't even look down.

"Thanks, it was a birthday gift from an old dear friend." She smiles.

Matt makes eye contact with me. He caught that one. His eyebrows rise, we know what the other is thinking, free entertainment for the rest of the campaign.

Then Will Bailey comes running into the room, and crashes on the couch, head, chest and life first.

"Four speeches, each are perfection." Gee don't over sell it.

"Will, did you sleep last night?" Donna asks as she wipes cream cheese on her bagel.

He holds the papers in triumph.

"Read them! Perfection I tell you." No he didn't sleep.

Donna's job is to make sure our message is clear, keep us on track, its why Leo hired her.

She starts reading and by the time she finishes half her breakfast she speaks.

"Will, they are wonderful. This is your best work since the your first State of the Union. Its just, we can't use them. Not today."

"What!" I can hear the disappointment in his tone, I can also see Josh's smirk.

"You wrote about the US's Global responsibility in 3rd World Counties."

"Yeah, it was good."

"Yeah, it was, but the Congressman is going to speak to Soy bean farmers about subsidies farming. Will they just won't work, we'll use them, but not today. You have to write another one."

"But I'm sooo tir-ed." Wow it never cease to amaze me how well men can whine. "I have no motivation to do it."

"Sex." Donna spouts out as if it were nothing.

My glaze haste over to Josh who now looks like he is...no he is choking on his coffee. Will sits up, very interested.

"Um, you never.. I mean... It always seemed... I thought you were into..." Wow could he possibly be tripping over his words any more. "I didn't think you were interested."

"I am not." Deadpan. Her voice gets husky, sultry, "But I know someone who might be."

Josh is still coughing.

Will's interest is peeked to say the least.

Ronna hands me a coffee and takes her place next to me as we watch the show unfold before our eyes.

"I am going to need proof."

"I'll make the call now." and like a knight wheedling her sword, Donna brandishes her cell phone.

"Kate Harper, please." Will lounges for the phone, suddenly this Ivy League grad is reduced to the antics of a fifteen year old and we are all in home room.

"Donna, hang up the phone."

"Kate, hey, it's Donna. You got a sec? Oh the sit room huh? Well hasn't the war in the Congo been going on for like twenty years? So… it isn't going to get fixed in the next five minutes, right? Great! I wanted to talk to you about Will Bailey. If you can get over the fact he _is _Will Bailey, he's actually a nice guy. He has that geek quality that is kinda cute. You know he's a political genius, but he's not stuck up about it. Now, I am a little bias but, I think he's the best."

Now her voice goes back to being sultry and flirty. "You know what his best feature is, words. He's a speech writer at heart, he know the power words hold."

Matt looks at me, eyebrows raise. No, you idiot, she isn't flirting with Kate, she flirting with everyone man in the room. Correction, she's flirting with one man in the room but he's still choking and therefore not noticing.

"He has the ability to weave them and use them to make you feel like you are the only women in the world. If you do only one thing in this lifetime, go on first date with speech writer. He will utter a gentle phrase that will make you melt, and it won't be a lie or line, he is simply stating the truth in the kindest and most elegant way."

Ok now I am looking at Will just a little different.

"Yeah I guess Toby is the exception to that rule. No, he won't wear the duck tie. I know its weird. We will be back home in two weeks, so that gives him time to pick out a nice place to eat. You know I'll help him, that whole geek thing. Um, I can't remember."

Donna eyes him up, slowly, and back in the smoky voice "Eight maybe nine."

Now every eyebrow is up in the room.

"Its impressive for a guy like him. Oh any if that wasn't a sell, he can control the weather. Ha! Hey, you should listen to the Congressman's speech today. It's the best one Will's every written. Great! Good luck in the sit room. Bye."

She closes her phone and looks at Will for the first time since that call.

His face is ... priceless. A blend of horror and pride, and I don't think he's breathing.

She nods her head at the door. "Go write the speech Will."

I hear the door slam and Donna sips her coffee in victory.

Josh follows quickly after Will.

Its Ronna who starts the applauds.

* * *

Ok, no pressure, juts the greatest speech of my life in three hours. I can do this! Sure. Don't think about what happens when you screw this up. Don't think about what will happen when Kate realizes I am painfully out of her league. I might end up having sex this administration.

Donna set pretty high standards that no man can reach that bar. God, she's the best. If she isn't married in five years I am going to propose. No question about it.

"Bailey!" Hmm. Josh seems pretty pissed about something. There's no blood in his face.

"Are you sleeping with Donna?"

He's kidding right? Should I give him a smart ass answer. Damn, he's really pissed. I think he's going to hit me.

"No, Josh I am not sleeping with Donna. I have a very important speech to write and I don't have time to indulge your neurotic tendencies about your former assistant."

"Will! Have you ever slept with her?"

Where the hell is this coming from? Not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind like a million times, but still.

"No, Josh, She's the kind of woman you marry, not the kind of woman you have awkward sex with."

Maybe that was too much information.

He doesn't really look satisfied with my answer. "Look, I asked her out once."

Whoa, this is a whole new level of pissed. "But I think she threw up a little bit. She clearly wasn't interested in me. We're friends nothing more. Relax. I think she holds a torch for someone else."

"You know, Kate Harper is out of your league."

"Yeah I know, but lets not tell her that." He grumbles and I'm left to write my masterpiece.


	4. Chapter four

Disclaimer: same as before.

Author's note: Enjoy.

Chapter 4

* * *

Josh is a whole new level of grumpy for the rest of the day. I thought he would be proud of me, I got Will to write another speech, I'm moving the campaign in the right direction.

Everyone wins. He likes to win.

The rest of the day he barely talks to anyone. Every answer is short and single syllable . All the events today were huge successes. CNN, MSNBC and FOX all cover the speech and spin it the way I planned. He's been on the phone with CJ and Toby in order to avoid talking to me. Around nine I decide to extend the olive branch.

"Wanna get some dinner?"

"Hmm?"

"Food. Since I stopped working for you, I have this amazing thing: money."

"Donna, I had no control over your finical situation, stop blaming me for you being broke." Again he grumbles. Ugh! I am not winning this one any time soon.

"You're hungry, I'm hungry, we're getting food. Now!" I drag him out the door. We walk down the city street. I wish I knew what city I was in; the campaign is always such a whirlwind.

"What crawled up your ass and died?"

"Um."

"Your more then charming mood, what caused it?"

"You." Blunt.

"Oh." This could go in many possible directions.

He blows up and starts screaming incoherently.

He refuses to talk to me for the rest of the campaign.

He forgives me but gives me a hard time for the rest of the campaign.

It isn't his reaction I care so much about as why he's mad.

Option 1) He does not like that I am working _with _him instead of _for _him.

Option 2) He's hurt I started working for Russell.

Option 3) He feels weird about waking up this morning.

Option 4) He thinks

"Are you sleeping with Will?" What?

"What?"

"Will, are you having sex with him?" What is his preoccupation with my sex life?

"That's why you've been in a snit all day? Why don't you just ask him?"

"I did, but I don't trust his answer."

"But you trust mine?"

"Yes." I heart stops. I haven't given him a reason to trust me. Not in a long time. I betrayed you. I hurt you. How? Why?

"Why would you trust me?"

"You've never given me a reason not to."

"I left you."

"You had a good reason."

We walk for a while. My insides are frozen and slowly melting. He starts to rub his head.

"No, Josh. I have never slept with Will. Never touched him, never wanted to, never foresee a reason or situation where I would want to. He asked me out back in New Hampshire. I threw up a little bit. He's my friend. Like Sam or Charley or CJ or Toby. None of those people would I ever care to be with in the biblical sense."

He brightens up, realizing whose name was left out.


	5. chapter five

Disclaimer: see the others

Then Everything Changed.

Chapter 5

So Donna and Will aren't and have not slept together. While she was away I was impossible for me to keep tabs on her. Not that I have a preoccupation with Donna or her sex life, but her taste in men leaves much to be desired. I won't classify Will as a local gomer but she's light-years beyond his league.

We grab dinner at a Thai place, no joke it's called, Bangkok Delight. Tag line: If it's not a delight someone's not doing something right. Donna brings back 10 spring rolls for the Secret Service. She seems to have a whole new respect for the men in black suits. I guess now since she's one of the people they protecting. We walk back to the hotel, Will's on the phone with who I am assuming is Kate.

"You liked it! Great. No, I can make it rain, but only on Election day and only wherever I'm standing." Donna gives him a wink. Will looks a little panicky like I might beat the crap out of him, which I would do if he ever touched her.

"Hey, Josh Turner Movie Classic Channel is showing "Adam's Rib" tonight. You wanna watch it with me?" Clearly she can tell my confusion. "You do know that TV's have more then CNN, CSPAN and ESPN?"

"Why must you spew filthy lies?" She laughs and hands the Spring Rolls over to the Secret Service as he speaks into his microphone.

"Maple Leaf and Yankee are in the building. Thank you, Miss Moss."

"You're welcome, Jackson."

"'Maple Leaf?'" I ask.

"How do you know I'm not Yankee?"

"Because you're not. Maple Leaf?"

"The Secret Service is trying to be funny." They succeeded. "You coming up for the movie?"

"I still have work to do."

"Do it while the movie is on. Come on. Please?" She pouts. It's worse than kryptonite. I love her pout and her lips. I love her whole mouth area. Deep breathes Josh, don't spend the rest of the night focused on her mouth.

"Sure, I'll be up in a little bit."

A cold shower later I am in her hotel room watching a movie I could care less about. I have files and papers on my lap but I've been reading the same three words over and over again. Two nights in a row, she's taken over the bed; I've claimed the little desk every hotel room contains as my own.

She seems near blissful as she watches the movie. It's a Hepbrun and Tracy film, about equal rights for women. Donna's enthralled with Katharine Hepburn. She thinks the actress embodies everything a woman should be; strong, smart, independent and sexual without overdoing it. What Donna doesn't realize is that she already is Kate. I like Tracy in the movie, because eventually he wins. The problem I have with it is all the games they play with each other. All the manipulation, it isn't it them, it's beneath them. I think that's what bugs me the most.

Donna and I haven't really talked in months. How can I know someone the way I do and never once really talk to her? We didn't speak after Germany, I look out for her but Stanley and his people were who she shared her inner demons with.

I didn't realize how much I missed her until I got her back. Recalling every time our path crossed in the last few months I did get that knot in my stomach and bile made its way into my throat. And yet there she is, again sitting on her bed watching the TV, ten feet away. I've never felt so far away from her.

God I missed her.

"Did you like the movie?" Its over?

"Um, yeah, it was funny." That was vague enough, right?

Silence.

"There's an elephant in the room and I think we should name him." What? Her non-sequiturs never get easier to understand. "Josh, the elephant is huge! Can't you see him?"

"Did I zone out and miss something in the movie?" Then she gives her patented "You're an idiot look."

She's right though; this space between us is being occupied by something. The elephant could be any number of topics.

"Come here." She pats the bed "Talk to me."

"About the elephant?"

"No, it doesn't have to be about that. Anything. How's your mom? Why did you and Toby get into that fight? Did you two make up? Do you think the Mets have a chance this year? Talk to me Josh. I missed you."

I missed you too. Say it out loud you fool! When you say it in your head no one else can hear you.

"You missed me too, right." Damn, can she hear my thoughts?

"Josh." Get naked and pleasure me like no other woman can.

"Yeah." Did my voice squeak?

"Pick a topic."

Damn, she's not getting naked. All of this would be so much easier, if she could read my thoughts. I sit on the edge of the bed not too close I would rather talk about the Mets but since she couldn't care less I blurt out.

"Um...What happened last night?"

"So you can see the elephant." She smiles. I missed her smile. She wanted to talk about this, right? Her smiles fades as she starts to talk.

"Thank you for staying." Her hand is on my leg. Fire. Again with the fire, every time she makes contact with my skin, its on fire. Her bambi eyes watch her hand then make their way up my body, then into my eyes.

"I haven't been sleeping soundly. I ran out of my meds just before the DNC."

She looks away. My hand instinctively moves on top of hers. Her eyes are back, staring into mine.

"Normally, I work myself to sleep or read law books until I pass out."

"Law books?" This is new.

"Yeah, when I can't sleep I read books on law. I've been doing that for six years now. Sam and Will have been loaning them to me."

"I would have loaned you some."

"You would have laughed at me." No, I wouldn't. I would have given you a hard time. I would have teased you. Mocked you, but secretly supported you the whole time, so long as you never did anything with it.

"The law books don't stop the nightmares."

I shouldn't need to ask, but I do anyway, "how long have you had these nightmares?"

She starts to tear up. "Since Gaza."

"Oh." _"Oh,"_ that's all I can say to comfort her. This is the woman who has held my hand through every disaster. What a waste of communication skills, 760 on verbal, my ass.

"Most nights I relive the explosion, the flight to Germany, the surgeries. It's the ghosts that are really bad. They haunt and linger long after I wake up."

"Have you been talking to Stanley's people about this?"

"I stopped after when I started working for Russell. I just didn't have time. But they've been worse since I've been on the road. Nothing is the same, no familiarity, you know? The guilt does not help matters either." She has no reason to feel guilty, she didn't do anything wrong.

"What do you have to feel guilty about?" This is when she starts to weep, waterfalls. She crashes into my chest and my arms wrap about her. She heaves and sobs, thankfully she does not speak, because I would not be able to understand her. I can't handle it when she cries, it rips apart my organs, rendering me useless. Finally she speaks, Donna's words kill me more then her tears.

"What reason shouldn't I feel guilty about? I lived! Two Congressmen and Fitzwallace didn't. Josh, I saw him in the helicopter, I saw Fitzwallace's lifeless body. Three great men, who contributed to society and their Country, the few half away around the world to solve new and old problems died. Me, a worthless assistant, I lived."

"Your not worthless. Donna your…" Tell her, say something.

"What did I do with my life? I left the one person who…. I started to work for Russell, he is worse the worthless! Slimy and low, and he would have been our Nominee! Oh, God Josh, could you imagine, President Bob Russell?"

"That's the nightmare that kept me up at nights." I smile. She doesn't, her voice becomes quiet.

"Do you realize how close we came? If Will had listened to me, through out the whole campaign, we would have won."

Now my blood runs cold. _She's_ the political mastermind. She would have gotten Bob Russell elected. It was Will who blew it. She didn't even like Bingo Bob.

"If he had listened, oh God. The idea makes me sick. I got a second chance on life and look what I did with it." She buries her head on my shoulder.

"Donna," I wish I could say more. But all I can do is let her cry. I lie down on the bed and pull her close to me. She's shaking and breathing hard. Months of angry and guilt come flooding out with her tears.

I've never seen her this bad. Once after the shooting I heard her cry like this, while she was taking care of me, she was in the other room and I couldn't move from the bed. It was one of the first times I longed to hold her, tell her everything would be fine. But I couldn't.

I feel even more useless now than I did then.


	6. Chapter six

1 I feel like a fool, a sniveling fool.

I shouldn't be bothering him with the pointless details that have been haunting me for the past year. He holds me and strokes my hair. He whispers my name; no man can say my name like he does.

I don't know how long I've been crying, but with every minute I feel worse.

Guilty. I am guilty of crimes against my only true friend. Against my morality, against myself; I sold out. Leo made me a fancy offer, and I ravished it, I left everything behind for my "noble cause." In the wake of my rapid accent to power, I abandoned the one person with abandonment issues.

He, who brought me from the ashes, gave me a job, life, a family. He, who protected me throughout the years. He needed me the most in New Hampshire, he needed me during the primaries, and I tossed him aside.

To make the pill harder to swallow, here I am sobbing and he comforts me. He has no reason to. He has done nothing to deserve this. He should toss me aside and let me drown in my tears.

Unless. Oh. God. Does he blame himself?

Does he think he's the reason I left? He is self absorbed enough to think that.

I lift me head from chest and our eyes meet.

"Josh, why do you think I quit?"

"Donna, at this moment and all the moments for the past two days I just care you came back."

I should tell him. There is so much for me to say and the words choke me in my throat. He wipes my tears with gentle fingertips and kisses my forehead. My head returns to his chest. His words linger in my ear, 'I just care you came back.'

I suck myself way from my self-indulgent pity to really survey the situation. Josh is lying on my bed. I am lying on top of him, my head on his chest; his arm wrapped around my waist. If I didn't look and feel so gross and blotchy I would take advantage of the situation.

The fact is, this is the closest I've been to him, ever. The closest I've been to any man in years. It feels right, laying like this hold each other. I don't want him to move, leave or change anything. I sniffle one last time.

"Josh, how did you sleep last night?" He looks at me with questioning eyes.

"Fine, why?"

"Just fine?"

"Best night of sleep I've had in years." He knows where this is going, and his dimples make another appearance.

"Mine too. Do you want to perform a science experiment?"

"What kind of experiment?" He's very interested now; eyebrows raised, his forehead all wrinkly.

"To see if last night's sleep was a fluke?" Oh god I can't believe I am doing this.

"You should stay tonight and sleep with me."

"Donna!"

"Don't get too excited, its just sleeping, clothes will remain on the whole time, no sexy stuff. Just holding each other like we are. You know for science."

"No sexy stuff." Awe, he sounds so disappointed.

"Nope."

"Well, if it _is _for science."

* * *

Donna rolls off of me and goes into the bathroom to change into her nightclothes. Just two inches of wood separates me from a naked Donna. No sexy stuff. Damn! Not fair, I waited eight years to be able to touch her.

Sleeping next to her is just as good, sort of. It leaves me a little more frustrated physically but much more satisfied emotionally. The best part of my day was waking with her in my arms. Her scent filling my nose and her hair tickling my chest.

We fit, like we were made for each other.

Truth is I didn't like sleeping with the women I dated, I could never get close enough to truly feel comfortable with them. Not comfortable enough to sleep at the very least. Mandy didn't like to be touched while she was sleeping, it made her too hot. And Amy, well I was just afraid she was going to smother me in my sleep and steal my job.

She finally emerged from the bathroom wearing light blue tank top and flannel jammies bottoms, they have little bears on them. I want to make a wise ass remark, but the truth is, she's never looked better, more natural and comfortable.

"You look cute." I head into the bathroom when I realize all my nightclothes are back in my room. "Um."

"Boxers and under shirt." I still think she can read my mind.

Back to my train of thought. Last night with Donna I feel asleep faster then I ever have before. I spent a few minutes looking at her as she slept. Not in the creepy stalker way, but just looking at the nuances of her body and face. She seems older now, I know she is, with that whole passage of time thing, but she looks more mature.

The innocence is gone, I knew it had to happen eventually, DC changes people, makes them jaded and callous. I wanted to protect her from that as long as I could. And for a few minutes last night I really hated Will for exposing her to it.

Last night she was pissed at me, I can't really blame her for that. But as she slept in my arms she looks peaceful, and serine. Donna was and is the only person I have ever been comfortable around.

She's been with me through the worst moments of my life and the best. I made a list once, best and worse moments, her name appears on them more then anything else.

I watched her sleep and her gentle breathing patterns made me soon join her. Last night, I didn't have any nightmares either.

Tonight, if she didn't ask me to stay; I would have asked, although I wouldn't have put the no sexy stuff rule in either.

She's already in bed and I come out of the bathroom. She smiles and starts to giggle. I look down. Oh!

"I didn't mock your jammies, you can't mock my boxers."

"You're in your 40's Josh, why do you have Spiderman on your boxers?"

"Because he's cool." Her laugher fills the room. I missed her laughter.

"I set the alarm for 4:15."

"WHAT!"

"I have a flight that leaves at 6:30, I'm with Leo tomorrow." I didn't know this.

"When are you coming back?" I _just _got you back..

"Thursday, by noon."

"But it's Monday now!" Great, now I am going to start to whine.

"Its 12:15 am. It's Tuesday. Wednesday we sleep alone and report back on Thursday. That's how science works."

"Stupid science."

I crawl into bed, and she rolls over and places her head on my shoulder. For a few minutes we lay intertwined breathing together. I wish we were alone, but were not. The elephant is still in the room.

"The elephant is still here." I whisper.

"I know, but he's a little smaller now."

"Is he going to be sticking around for a while?"

"Probably, but when we talk he gets smaller, less obvious. I still think we should name him."

"George." An elephant named George seems appropriate.

"George it is."

"I hate elephants, Donna."

"I know, Josh, but donkeys just aren't big enough." She kisses my cheek and falls asleep.


	7. Chapter seven

Disclaimer: they're not mine.

Author's notes: This is one of my favorite chapters.

Feedback: Please!

Then Everything Changed.

Chapter 7

* * *

4:10 and I wake up, we barely moved all night, I am still on his chest and his arms are still around my waist.

Night two and no nightmares! I think I might really be on to something. I want to lay here forever, but the alarm is going to go off in three minutes.

I better wake him before the buzzer does. I don't want to move too much, gently, I should awake him. My arm starts stroking his chest, he stirs every so slightly. I kiss his neck, _only_ because it was the closes thing to my mouth, I really don't want to move _too _much. It would be jarring and that's no fun.

"Josh, wake up." hmm, my voice is awfully husky sounding, maybe its just really sleepy.

"No. Must keep sleeping." He squeezes me tighter.

"I have to get up."

"No, tell Leo you quit."

"No, I don't think I will be doing that."

"Bed warm, outside cold. Stay warm."

"That does sound tempting."

"I win. Shh we're sleeping now."

"I said it was tempting, that doesn't mean its going to happen."

"Don-na." Oh, no he's whining around, he's eyes aren't even open yet. "Go back to the kissing my neck and stroking my chest, lull me back to sleep."

"Not happening. You can sleep, but I have to get up."

"No!" He squeezes hard and rolls me over on my side. He has a death grip on me, kind of a nice way to die.

"There _is_ a short list of things I would rather do, then get out of this bed with you.."

"Really." He starts to nuzzle my neck.

"Ok. It's a long list."

"What's on the list?"

"Josh the alarm is about to..."BEEP BEEP BEEP the garish and jarring noise scares the hell out of him and he damn near throws me off the bed.

"Donna the alarm! Kill it." I turn it off and get out of bed. "No. Don't leave."

"Sorry. You were the one who nearly throw me off the bed."

"No, it was the alarm from hell's fault; not mine. Come back, remember the warm and the talks of the short and yet long list."

"Not gonna happen. We had a rule, remember"

"You BROKE the rule this morning when you woke me up."

"Would you rather have the alarm do it? Next time will." Next time? Donna think before you speak.

"Next time huh?" He rolls over and holds my pillow as he grumbles. "Stupid alarm, stupid Leo, stupid rule, stupid science."

"Don't blame the science, it's not science's fault."

I gather my clothes and get into the bathroom. Two inches of wood separate us. It feels like miles. No sexy stuff, what the hell was I thinking? He's right it is a stupid rule. Why would I say something so logical and all together crappy?

My tank top is on the floor and one look in the mirror and I remember why I made the stupid rule.

Scars, two of them, between my breasts. No one has seen them, expect my doctors. Stupid, ugly, deforming scars.

I run the water in the shower so he can't hear me cry.

* * *

She finally comes out of the shower. Note to self- Donna takes freakishly long showers. I am watching CNN on the bed, fully dressed in yesterday's suit, needless to say I feel like shit. I just got her back. It was on the good list. It was! And now, she's leaving, sure it's only one day, but it's one night.

I think I am an addict. She's worse then heroin and we haven't even done anything yet. Did you catch what the key word was?

"What are you doing up?"

"The bed was cold, no point in going back to sleep." She smiles. "Come on, your cab is down stairs. I'll help you get your stuff." We get ready in silence. George is back. Something's wrong with her and the elephant is getting bigger by in minute. "You ok?"

"I'm fine." George just grew ten feet. She's lying.

"You sure." I rub her back.

"Yeah." I grab her bags and we walk down the hall, George follows behind.

"You're carrying my bags? We should write this day down."

"This is under the assumption that you will bring me coffee sometime."

"Not happening,"

"You said that a lot this morning." The elevator opens at the lobby.

"Josh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you to stay, even in the name of science."

"Don't blame science, I was going to ask to stay."

"You were?"

"Yeah." Silence. She breaks it when we get to the door, where her cab is waiting.

"I shouldn't have kissed you this morning, I broke the rule."

"Yeah, that was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Getting shot and you waking me. Horrible." We laugh. I don't know what going on in her head. After eight years she's still a mystery. I push her hair from her face. Intimate. Quiet, just us in a hotel lobby.

"I don't know what this is." she gestures in the small space between us, somehow I've moved very close to her. "I don't want to lead you on, I don't want to hurt you again. But I do know, you are very valuable to me Josh. And I need to take it slow."

Valuable good word choice. I hold her for a few minutes, and tell her I understand, even if I really don't. She kisses me on the check and goes to her cab. I think it is raining. I can't really tell. I watch as the taillights turn down a street, when my cell phone rings.

"Don't look so sad, Josh, I'll be back by noon Thursday."

Then I confess what I never thought I would, not after parting just a few seconds ago.

"Donna, I miss you."

"I miss you too." 37 hours until I see you again. I can make it.


	8. chapter eight

Disclaimers: Same as before;

Author's note: This chapter contains mature contain. Please be warned. Donna and Josh's point of view.

Feedback is always welcomed

Chapter 8

* * *

My head is still reeling from this morning. Boundaries. That's what we need. All these years I assumed he would not reciprocate my feelings, but this morning proved otherwise. I don't think it's fair to make him wait, not when I have no idea when I'll be ready.

After a wretched flight, I finally get to Chicago where Leo's campaign has set up it's base of the week. He's coming back with me to California and the rest of his staff is following soon after.

"Donna, how was your flight?" He's overly excited to see me; familiarity tends to do that to someone on the road.

"Awful, people tried to talk to me and they served this weird breakfast omelet. How's it going here?"

"I hate my staff. Do you think CJ will quit her job and start working for me here?"

"Nope, I don't think she will do that."

"Some sense of loyalty these people have!"

"I'm sort if the wrong person you should be saying that to."

"Nonsense Donna, you are the most loyal of them all."

"It doesn't really feel that way sometimes." I look out the window, anything not to continue with this conversation.

"How is Will working out?" Sort of a change in conversation.

"Fine, I've got him on an incentive program. I thought of it back on the Russell campaign but decided to hold off for the right time. Why did you want Will on the team? Why even ask us back?"

"To win. Matt Santos is a good man who deserves to be president more the Russell ever did. He jumped over every roadblock, laughed at every annoyance. He's the guy. I wanted to see what Will would do when he was backing the right guy. However, you are the key to the whole thing. I really want to win, and the only way I foresee this happening is with you on the campaign."

"Why didn't you ever tell Josh why I left? The real reason."

"It was Toby's concern that brought the situation to the president's attention. I thought Toby was going to do it. But his advice was to call you and that didn't pan out the way anyone expected."

"Sam brought it up over a year ago." I pause, not really wanting to say the next phrase. "Josh thinks it's his fault I left the White House."

"Good, he should! He held you back for years, you have the potential for greatness Donna, and it's time to reach it."

"I don't think that's why he thinks I left. He seems too guilty. I think it's more."

"He wants to fix everything, but I don't think he's that stupid. If you want to tell him, let him; don't let me hold you back. But think about it, your life is infinitely better now that he isn't your boss."

I can see what he's getting at. We all needed pushes, one way or another, no one stopped to think how these pushes would affect other people. And I do see certain benefits with him not being my boss. I guess Leo's right.

We change the topic a few more times before discussing the ramification of Prop 675 on urban development and how to spin the Republican response.

As we head out the door for a press conference an intern hands me a letter. My blood turns to ice. My first and only thought for a while is, "that's not a very nice way to start a letter."

The rest of the day I focus on work, and rarely speak. Needless to say, the nightmares came back.

* * *

Three hours until she comes back.

Two hours until she comes back.

One hour until she comes back.

Thirty minutes and she will be walking in the door.

Look, for the record I am concentrating on other things, I have a lot on my mind: the national budget, seven congressmen, the DOA report on west Asia, fifteen minutes until she comes back..

Ok Turner is showing "Temple of Doom" and I guess I could say my TV doesn't work and I have to watch CNN in her room.

"Take a chance on me Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me." Am I singing Abba?

"Matt, how long have I been singing _Take a chance on me_?"

"Like five minutes now."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"What and give up the free entertainment?"

This is so embarrassing.

They're here!

Leo comes in first, move old man, move. Did the air just get lighter in here? Bliss, that is the word for it. She is FINALLY here! She looks tried, not very well rested at all. God bless Science!

"Hi!" Was that a little too loud?

"Hello, Josh, we need to talk." grumpy old Leo.

"Inside voice, Lyman." Shut up Matt.

I make my way over to Donna as Leo, Matt, Will walk into the other room. Don't kiss her, not here, not now. Must... resist...

Say something clever.

"Good flight?" That's clever? You fool! She lets a small smile leave her lips, good, lets not let anyone know. Keep it professional.

"It was ok. Better then the flight going there." Well of course, now you're coming back to me.

I place my hand on her back leading to the other room, she pushes her weight against it for a brief second and smile becomes slightly coy. Some intern hands her an envelope and we make our way into an already heated debate.

"Look the Republicans are going to put Prop 675 in the can; I say we make it our new motto." Will rather passionately states.

"Our motto is 'What's best for the country.' We shouldn't change it just because there is some flash in the pan idea." Matt states.

"I think we should sit on it for a few days." Leo the voice of reason. "Donna, what do you think?" All eyes are on her, as she stares at the paper in her hand.

"Um"

Pause

"Um I think the Republicans are...um... Prop 675 it is flawed"

She pauses again, what the hell is going on here?

"...um I ...don't think we should um, do..." Her eyes return to the paper.

"Donna, you ok?" Good question Will.

"What? Huh?" Time for me to step up.

"Guys can I have the room?" Where the hell is she going? She's walking out the door. "Donna, you stay."

"Oh, ok." Something is clearly not right here. Leo glances back at me as he walks out the door. I take one step closer to her.

"Hey." I speak softly, and reach to touch her arm. She looks up at me as if it was the first time she's seen me in years. It takes a few second to recognize me. She looks slightly more focused, like she's planning something. "I've been trying to come up with an excuse to come over tonight." A small smile on her face and mine. "You know Temple of doom is playing tonight. I thought I could come over..."

"Josh." It is the way she says my name the throws me off. Oh, is she going to dump me?

"I need to tell you something."

She's dumping me and we haven't even been together.

"I am scared and I don't need you freaking out ok."

I can't breathe. She's leaving AGAIN.

"Donna, what's wrong?" That sounded stable right. Maybe I can convince her with my advanced negotiating skills.

"I got this yesterday," she hand me an envelope from her purse. Stop shaking hands. I open it up.

Cunt.

Well that's not a very nice way to start a letter.

Bile makes it way up my throat as I start to read. My body isn't working the way it should.

Words like slice, butcher, blood, breast, and bitch.

"Donna this is a death threat."

"I got another one today, just now." She's being followed. Her body crashed into mine. I steady her, but I am a shaking as much as she. "What do I do?"

"I'll handle this. You go back to your room, I'll be with you in a few minutes." But I won't let her leave for a moment.

"Donna, go back to my room instead." She nods, as she walks away I don't think I've ever seen her look so small and fragile. Her alabaster skin hardly contains any pigment at all. Her eyes say "thank you", while her mouth is unable to speak. I reread the letter in my hand, and rush into the bathroom to vomit.


	9. Chapter nine

Disclaimer: Same as before

Author's notes: This one has some adult language too, be warned.

Thank you for all the feedback!

Santos' POV

Then Everything Changed.

Chapter 9:

Donna rushes out of the room. I know I haven't known her all that long, but it disturbs me that she's as upset as she is.

What did you do, Josh?

But it's Leo who says it first "Josh, what the hell did you do?"

"I didn't do a fucking thing Leo," I've never seen him like this before, pale, shaking, cussing. But apparently Leo has.

"Josh!" Clearly offended by the f-bomb.

"Sorry, I should not have... Here." He hands Leo the paper he is clutching, white knuckled.

Leo reads the letter turns equally pale and hands it over to me.

That's not a very nice way to start a letter.

"It's a death threat." We get ten of these a day, but none of them are this...graphic.

Leo calls Will into the room. He reads it and mirrors Leo's face and what I can assume mine as well.

"Did she get any thing like this when she worked for Russell?" Panic floods Josh's voice.

"No. I think she would have told me. I don't understand, Donna's nice. Why would some want to kill her?"

"You think only assholes get death threats?"

"No, but they should. What do we do?"

"Call Ron Butterfeild." Leo is beginning to compose himself. We sit in three minutes of silence as we wait for the conference call.

Will breaks it first.

"She's going to quit. She won't put the Congressman's life in danger, she will want to leave."

"She can't." Leo says rather forcefully.

"Why not! Look, I know she's a nice girl, my wife loves her, but I am not about to risk having her here..." I can't really believe the words are coming out of my mouth. Josh's eyes are filled with venom and betrayal.

"Congressman, I understand, but she has to stay on the campaign trail for many reasons. First, we cannot win the election without her. Second, if she is constantly moving it makes it difficult for her to be staked. Third she cannot receive secret service protection if she isn't working for us. Finally, she can't return to the White House. The President could be in danger." Leo, your logic is cold and unfeeling.

But I see what he is saying, I am just a candidate, not yet a president, my life does really matter as much. Besides, the country could not handle President Russell.

"Leo, I can't lose her again." Josh's voice is low, desperate. He's like a man about to break. Since up to three days ago, I didn't know she was his assistant for 8 years, clearly there is a lot of their relationship I don't understand.

"You won't." Leo seems more like a father to Josh, then a boss.

Finally Ron joins the conversation.

"Two days, two letters, each hand delivered to the location she was scheduled to be at. Are the letters becoming more aggressive?"

"Yes." Will answer because he has been rereading the letters.

"You're going to work on this, right Ron?" Something about Leo's voice isn't right, he's trying not to set off Josh.

Too late

"She needs five agents with AK47s following her at all times who will blow off anyone head who gets too close to her."

"Josh, that's just not going to happen," Leo's so calm and collect.

"Why the hell not!"

"Because she can't do her job that way!" Josh sits down in a huff. Ron's concern is psychological. Leo agrees.

"Josh, call Stanley, she needs to be talking to someone and so do you." The flash of betrayal comes back. "You don't handle these things well. Not when it comes to Donna."

"I don't know what you are talking about." Anger weaves in every word. He clearly does know. But he doesn't want to continue the conversation, not will me in the room.

"Josh, you wanted to carpet bomb the entire Middle East because she got into the wrong car." Will states as he rubs his head.

Huh?

"You say that pretty causal for someone who wasn't there. I don't recall see you in Germany when she was hook up with tubes. You weren't there when she nearly fucking died!" Josh screams.

"No, you son of a bitch, I wasn't. But I did hear her cry every night because you were the asshole who never called."

They both look like they're going to throw down. "Gentleman." I have to bust out the Daddy Voice. The daggers in their eyes are now focused on me instead of each other. "Why don't we let Mr. Butterfield and Leo come up with a plan?"

"Josh, you will call Stanley. You will make appointments for both of you. Why don't you go to her? Tell her we'll be there in a few minutes." Leo is going to end up being the voice of reason. Josh's anger heats the air around him as he storms out the room. "Will, you should start prepping on Prop 675." He leaves, but not nearly as ticked.

We exchanged glances.

"Sorry Ron, I know you can't talk about Marilyn with DiMaggio in the room." Huh?

"Leo, these letters are the worse the White House has seen. We need to put agents on her, now."

"I'll let you work on a plan, but I need something to tell Josh. He's going to be a pain in the ass until he has something concrete."

"Tell him a minim of two agents most likely pulled from the Santos detail. We will be adding more to his detail in a day or two."

"Thanks, I'll check in later." Dial tone.

"I still don't see why she needs to stay." I confess the darkest place in my soul.

It's his smile I'm taken back by.

"Donna Moss is a muse. She makes everyone a round her better. She sticks to her values, and ensure everyone else stays to theirs. You've never really seen Josh in action. He is his best when Donna is ten feet away from him. Vinick is a worthy enemy and we need her to win. Without her it's impossible."

His smile fades, "Besides, Josh really can't lose her again."

"Does he love her?"

The smile returns. "You couldn't tell?"


	10. Chapter ten

Disclaimers: Same as before

Author's Notes: In the last chapter Santos is a jerk, but fear not he will redeem himself by the end of the story. This chapter contains Josh and Donna's reaction to the death threat and a small section with Helen. I wanted a scene where Donna is back in the game. Again this chapter contains harsh language and adult situations. (One of my favorite jokes is in this chapter)

Feedback: Thank you for all of it.

Then Everything Changed

Chapter 10

1I can't fucking believe Will. He didn't see her, bleeding and scarred. He has no clue what its like to lose someone. Not anyone as valuable as Donna.

Who would want to kill Donna? She's Donna! How could any one hate her? The rage is filling every muscle of my body, I never wanted to punch something so bad.

Good thing my door is here.

Bang Bang Bang.

The door opens and suddenly I can't remember why I'm mad. This vision before me is ethereal, magical. Donna is standing in the doorway, teary eyed and her hair is a frazzled and wearing nothing but my dress shirt.

My eyes are beginning to dry out. Blink damn it!

Say something comforting, clever and charming.

"You're wearing my shirt." Damn it!

"Yeah, I needed... um it's going to sound stupid. I'll change."

"No! Don't change, it won't sound stupid. What were you going to say?" She bits her lip. Lucky teeth.

"Um, I needed you around me. Holding me. But you weren't here, your shirt was the next best thing." Single sweetest thing she has ever said to me, aside from the red lights comment.

"I'm here now."

"Yes you are. What are you waiting for?"

My arms pour around her, her arms connect behind my neck, her head planted firmly on my shoulder.

"Ron says…"

"I don't care, I need you just to hold me for now." I start to rub her back feeling how thin my shirt really is. Through the cotton blend I can feel her skin, warmth, texture. It's smooth, a little too smooth as I rub the length of her back. Something is missing.

Her bra.

Oh god!

Think unsexy thoughts. War. The shooting. Toby. That's the keeper; focus on Toby.

Don't notice the way her hair is falling in front of her face and catching the light, or that the only thing separating her naked body from me is a very thin dress shirt that I wore yesterday. Don't notice how close she is pressed against you, her breasts against my chest.

Change the subject, talk to her. In the silence all I can focus on is her body. Her quivering body.

My shirt is getting damp around where her face is resting. Some monster want to hurt her, kill her. My Donnatella.

"Donnatella."

"Hmm?" Who would want to harm her?

"Um… I really didn't have a follow up. I just wanted to say your name." I am such a tool.

"Oh, say it again."

"Donnatella." I say it again because she likes to hear it, the second time its because I need to say it. "Donnatella I will never let anything happen to you."

"I know." Those are all the words that we say for the next few minutes. She's still nearly naked, and I'm still trying very hard not to notice that, or how her hair smells like vanilla or her fingers through my hair or her breathe on my neck. See, I barely noticed.

Expect my blood is rushing, well not to my brain. Which I am currently blaming on my lack of emotional display over my rage and disdain for her would be killers.

"I guess I need to come over tonight."

"Why is that?" She nuzzles into my chest.

"Well, I need to protect you." Duh?

"How do you plan on doing that in your sleep?"

"Its one more body he would have to get through."

"Because the secret service isn't enough."

"Not for you." I can feel her cheeks tighten through my shirt. "I guess that makes me like Sir Galahad."

She looks up at me, tears still lingering on her eyelashes. An unreadable smile forms on her face.

"Galahad was pure in sprit, mind and body." She slowly grinds her hips against mine, "You're Sir Lancelot. There was nothing wrong with his libido."

Horror. That's the emotion of the day.

"I should get changed." All I can do is nod.

I don't remember walking into the bathroom. I don't know how long Josh was holding me. Too many thoughts are running through my head at once.

Someone wants me dead.

But I am so nice.

We can't support Prop 675.

Josh.

When I left him in Santos' room, he looked like, well, what I would have imaged him to look like after he saw the news footage about the car bomb.

I know that look, six years ago it was on my face.

Well. At least I know he finds me desirable.

That's a nice confidence boost on a very crappy day.

Did I grind against him? When did I turn into such as slut?

Someone wants to hurt me; I am putting my friends in danger.

"I think I should quit." I call from the bathroom. Changing back into my clothes I sniff his shirt one last time. I think I am an addict.

"You can't." He calls back.

"I am a risk to the congressman. I should leave."

"We get ten death threats a day, Donna. Did you think a minority and an interracial marriage wasn't going to spark some contention amongst the highly educated skin heads in this county?"

"No, but I don't want to be the one be the reason anyone gets hurt." When I open the door, he's standing, waiting for me. Once again his arms are around me.

"Leo won't let you leave. And I _can't _let you leave."

"Why not?"

"Because." He starts to struggle with the words. "I can't let you go." We stay there until a knock that the door rips us part.

Leo enters and informs us of the Secret Service's plan. He also reminds Josh to call Stanley. I should have known this was coming. Josh starts to argue when Leo stops him with a single phase, "Can't have you throwing your fist through another window? Can we?"

Leo also tells me that all the agents volunteered for my detail.

We return back to the headquarters where Helen is screaming at her husband. Pangs of guilt twist my stomach when I realize they are fighting over me.

"Don't you dare take this from me! I was never really behind this whole stupid idea to begin with. She's going to keep me sane for the next couple of months. I need her!"

"She's a risk."

"So was marrying you. So was running for Congress. So is running for President."

Matt stops talking for now, now that he realizes I am in room. I have a feeling their argument will continue after I leave.

For the rest of the day its business as usual. Expect that Josh is always at arms length away from me. He is constantly guiding me with his arm on my back, or rubbing me arm. When he isn't touching me, he's watching me or asking me if I am all right. Normally, I would get irritated by this, but I know his history and how his mind works. So for today, I let him be overprotective. If he is like this tomorrow I'll kill him.

I can barely make eye contact with my ass of a husband for now. They start debating about 675 again. I know he's against it but everyone else is either on the fence or for it. He was waiting to strike, but fears how they are going to react.

Finally a voice of reason:

"Look, Prop 675 is a bad idea. Its sends funds for urban devolvement for the next five years but the problem is the proposition does say where in the city the funds should go. It gives control of the money to upstart companies. However, every upstart company listed isn't really an upstart but a subsidiary of larger corporations, who would rather place their money in "safe" areas then in property stricken areas. If this passes we set back urban comminutes at least twenty years."

My husband stares at Donna.

He was thinking the same thing.

I glance at him and smile. "That's why you need her to stay."

I win.


	11. Chapter eleven

Disclaimers: Same as before;

Author's notes: This is very dialogue heavy, not too much description, but Josh and Donna have a much-needed conversation.

* * *

"I brought you a salad, the kind with those crunchy things on the top and the cheese that smells like feet." 

"Here, you can have the peppers."

"Do you want some fries?"

"It's like you don't even know who I am."

"Are you going to eat the chicken?"

"You can have the ones soaking in the dressing. Give me a bit of your burger."

So that is our dinner conversation as once again we eat in her hotel room. Once again her turf is the bed, mine is the desk. Once in a while we slip into silence. I move to sit on the bed with her, only to get a hold of the chicken, of course.

"Nice work on Prop 675."

"You can't do that." She pushes me off the bed.

"Do what?"

"You can't talk about work while you are sitting on the bed. New Rule."

"That's a dumb rule." Although I think the other rule is a little dumb too.

"We need boundaries."

"Whatever."

Silence.

"Donna"

"Yes, Josh."

"George is back."

"I know."

"You think we should talk?"

"About what?"

"I picked last time, it's your turn." I move back onto the bed and start picking at her salad.

"Do you want to talk about the letters?"

"No!" Its too soon. To raw.

"Me either." Good.

Silence.

"I don't like how I left." She looks down and pushes my fingers away from the crunchy things I am about to steal. This situation should be playful, but her tone and the conversation she wants to bring up makes it change from playful to painful.

"Well, whose fault is that?"

"Yours!" Oh right. Why don't we ever talk about the Mets?

"I don't want to talk about this right now. Eat your salad."

"My many-months-too-late salad." She pouts.

"_Don-na"_ I really don't want to talk about this.

"_Jo-sh_."

"Eat."

"George is getting bigger!" Stupid elephant who follows us everywhere.

"No, he's not."

"Yes he is. If you don't want to talk about my final days as your assistant, then tell me why you didn't return my phone calls."

Not this. Hasn't my day been bad enough? I buried all these emotions, I thought this was over, I really don't care how or why she left.

"I called. Like ten times while you were in New Hampshire." It was twelve but she knows that. "Did you forget how to use a phone?"

"No."

"Or e-mail. I e-mailed you too."

"I know." Every question she asks, I sound so defeated.

"I was worried." Her voice drops. "You looked terrible."

Well you weren't there, and I needed you.

"I wasn't sleeping well." That's a good excuse.

"Neither was I." Right, she wasn't sleeping either.

"I know that...now."

"Did you remember to call your mother on her birthday?"

"Yeah, thanks." That was the last phone call I got from her, the e-mails stopped to. "Why did you stop?"

"Stop calling or writing. I think it was pretty obvious."

"I liked them, it made me think you still cared." Her hand moves to my leg. I have urges to leave, but she keeps touching me and holding me in my spot. I could spit vile words at her, I could withdraw and scream at her, but she wouldn't let me go. She's being stubborn about this forcing me and pushing every button in me.

"I never stopped caring Josh, you know that. Right?"

"You stopped writing after Iowa."

"That's when I realized how far we drifted apart. We couldn't even be alone together without the awkwardness."

"I realized how much you didn't need me." She smiles, and steals another fry.

"But you needed me, if you had asked I would have helped. Listened. Something."

"You worked for Russell, how did I know you weren't going to use anything I told you against me." Shit! I didn't mean it to sound that harsh. She recoils and withdraws her hand. I didn't think all my reactions or emotions would be so uncontrollable.

"Because, it's me Josh! We're...well...friends to say the very least. I would never use anything like that against you." She smiles "Beside I have other things I could use against you." We share glances and chuckle. "I tried to help you."

"When?"

"I yelled at a chicken for you! It was the best press you got at the time! I was the one who convinced Russell to go to your debate! I informed you about Rafferty. I.."

"I know, you helped."

Her fingers run through my hair. Her fingers are warm and comforting. "I need you to understand, my loyalty to you is unfailing. We might not always work together or even been on the same sides of the coin, but if you ever needed me, I would be there. Do you understand? That's why I called and wrote you. That's why it broke my heart when you didn't respond. It meant you didn't feel the same way."

My heart just broke too.

* * *

"I couldn't call you. I thought it was just pity. I didn't want your pity or your support. Worst of all you didn't need me. So what was the point?" Oh, Josh. 

"I, never, in all my years of knowing you, pitied you. I've shared every heartache and I wished I could protect you from them but never have I pitied you." My voice becomes nothing louder then a whisper. My fingers continue to stroke his head.

"I am sorry if I hurt you. I should have called or something."

"Josh, I just wished you would have talked to me before I left. All this hurt and resentment would have..."

"I didn't want to talk to you about your career or any advances you might make."

"Why not, did you think I was going to be your assistant forever?"

"Yes." You ass! I am not surprised; he will always see me as my original label.

"Well, I am not!" My voice starts to rise.

"Look I am sorry I blew you off, I am sorry I didn't believe you where leaving. I am sorry, I just didn't want to have that conversation." His voice follows suit.

"WHY not?" my voice can get just as loud.

"Because the last time we had that conversation you almost **DIED!"** He screeches.

Silence

I know this man, I know him better then he does sometimes. I should have seen this reaction coming. I should know what to say and do. My arms wrap around him, as they have for the most of the day.

I don't want to ask this question... but I have to. In a whisper so quite I don't know if he can hear it, I ask:

"Joshua, why do you think I left?" His response is just as quite, filled with shame and desperation.

"Your leg got better."

I didn't know how you could have such a physical reaction to something so emotional. I know it sound mundane but it feels like someone's hand has ripped through my rib cage and is crushing my heart. I didn't know your heart actually feels like that when it breaks. Sure his hurt me, sure I've hurt him. Most of emotions have been based on guilt. I have no words to describe my turmoil of feelings.

There is was. Everything that had kept us apart for so long. He blamed himself. Of course he did, the whole world rotates around him.

I think I am crying again. He holds me close and when I go to raise my head from his shoulder, he holds it there. Josh is not a crier, I've seen him at his worst moments, the death of his father, Mrs. Landingham, the shooting, turning a Democrat into a Republican. He's proud and never likes to show weakness. He holds my head against his shoulder because he doesn't want me to see him cry.

"Gaza was not your fault." I should have said it a year ago.

"You wanted to go to Brussels. I was holding you back and I didn't want to lose you. Instead I sent you to Gaza and you nearly died. And I still lost you." His voice is filled with desperation and fear.

"You never lost me."

We craw into bed and our bodies entwined, neither looking into each other faces.

"If you ever want to know the real reason I left. You simply have to ask." I whisper.

"I know." He kisses my forehead.

Our breathing synchs up and we fall asleep.

George just shrunk to 3/4 his original size.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Disclaimers: Same as before

Author's notes: This is not a great chapter, very dialogue heavy, it is a transition chapter, with a few very short scenes. Josh's POV Donna's POV and Leo's POV.

Chapter 12

I wake shaking. She holds me and tells me that everything is going to be fine. It can't be. Someone is trying to kill her. She's been awake for some time now. I hold her on her side. She rubs my arm. She's shaking too. So much for no more nightmares. I whisper "I'll always protect you."

"I know." She whispers back. "Josh."

"Yes."

"Your hand is on my breast."

"Oh god!" I withdraw my hand, "I am so sorry."

"Its ok. Lets just go back to sleep."

"Can my hand go back there?"

"No."

"What happens if you're sleeping? Or if I do it in my sleep?"

She rolls over and places her head on my chest.

"Problem solved."

* * *

Josh leaves my room to be greeted my Secret Service. I hear:

"Good morning Mr. Lyman."

"Um... good morning." He adds in a hurry. " It's not what you think."

It's going to be a long day.

* * *

"She can't." He screams, I rub my head.

"Why not?" I say. I am really not used to this with Josh, the man is like a son to be, but he can be really annoying sometimes.

"Yes, Josh, why can't I?" Stick up for yourself Donna.

"Because you will be on stage! We should paint a bull's eye on you and give away free guns."

"Well I think that contradict us trying to protect my life, don't you."

"I am protecting it. Stay off the stage."

"Prop 675 was MY work. I am not sacrificing my career just because some psycho wants me dead!"

"Its just your career, not your life."

"I can't believe it is **you** saying this! How many death threats do you get a year?"

"It's not about me! It's about you!"

"Josh. You need to calm down. Go talk to the Secret Service, I am sure they'll make you feel better." I smile at Donna, we've been working on this all morning.

He marches up to them.

"What makes you guys so special?"

"We're secret." Donna tells me his name is Jackson. Jackson was the first to sign up for her detail.

"That's pretty special." He's Martin he's on my detail.

"I know that, what are you going to do to protect her?"

"We'll take a bullet for her."

"Hell, I could do that!" Donna gasps and grabs my hand. I half expect Josh to recoil and back track, but he doesn't.

"Listen sir, we understand your concern and we will do everything in our power to make sure she is safe." Jackson places his hand on Josh's shoulder.

"Thank you, Donna is very valuable to the...um.. campaign."

"Yes, sir. Now if you could help us with something."

"Sure thing."

"Which one is Donna?" Bug eyed is the understatement of the year.

"What?"

"Donna's the one with the brown hair." Martian smiles.

"That's RONNA!"

"There's a difference?" Jackson scratches his head.

"LEO!"

He turns around to see me hand Donna a ten-dollar bill.

"Ten dollars, Josh." She smiles.

"Assholes." He stalks off.


	13. Chapter thirteen

Disclaimers: Same as before

Author's notes: Since chapter 12 was so short and lame I wanted to add this chapter too. Donna recaps her past relationships, while Josh is forced to listen. I wanted Donna to seem like she was ok with everything that had happened in her past and was now able to laugh it off. After everything she's been through, crappy boyfriends are the least of her worries. It's told from Santos' POV, mostly because I wanted a third party observation about the situation. This is another transition chapter leading to a very big change.

Feedback: Thank you

Then everything changed.

Chapter 13

* * *

Josh rode with Helen and me to the event. He's clearly still a little miffed about the joke Donna and Leo played on him. He got his revenge though, they're in the van without A/C . He's yelling into his cell phone to someone about something. Money always has been a major issue with this campaign, so no doubt we are going to be spending the next few days sucking up to rich people. He ends the call in a rude way and unwittingly as left himself open to Helen's ambush.

"I hear you left Donna's rooms this morning."

"It's not what you think?"

"Oh it is. You're not sleeping together?" He blushes and coughs for a few seconds, my wife is beaming.

"Only in the literal sense of the word."

"What a waste." I mutter, and Helen hits me in the ribs.

"I know." He signs and looks out the window.

We arrive to the event 10 minutes late, when we get there Donna wants to run back and get her blazer but Josh and Will tell her she looks great, and rush her on stage. The speech is perfect, nice job Will, and we celebrate at a local popular sports bar, which has been emptied to make way for us. I don't think the proprietor will be voting for us come November.

Will and Donna emerge from the van in a heated debated.

"I am telling you, Will, I would ruin you for all other women. And that is simply not fair to Kate."

"And I am telling you, I need you to prove it. That is an awfully lofty statement to be making with out some evidence."

"Oh I'll give you evidence, right here."

"Donna, I not one for trashy bathroom sex." Josh spins round and looks enraged.

"What the hell?" Donna puts her finger on his lip.

"No you, pig," I think she's talking to Will. "I am not going to have sex with you. It's for your own protection. I will be able to prove it when we get our messages." She turns to Josh, still with her finger on his lips. "Calm down."

He doesn't look happy about this but he guides her in to the restaurant anyway.

We all sit down Helen next to me Josh next to her and Donna on his other side. Because she belongs on his right side. Will sits across from Donna, Ronna, sandwiched between Leo and Will.

Bram comes and gives us our messages.

"Ronna, Mark called…"

"He's going to be late with the alimony check again, right?"

"Right." Ronna's ex husband is on this list of men whose ass I have to kick when I meet them.

"Will, you have two messages: Your sister and Kate Harper. Your sister says she needs to know what you are going to do with the house in Aspen."

"You have a house in Aspen!" Donna yelps.

"Yeah, my older brothers own the beach house in St. Thomas and Elsie and I own the ski house. She wants to sell it to go back to school or put her slacker boyfriend through school or something. I want a clear plan with what she is going to do with the money before I sell."

"You have a house in Aspen. Do you even ski?" She can't seem to get over this fact.

"I used to, like ten years ago. Why do you?"

"Well, someone was supposed to buy me skis for Christmas… but that never panned out." Josh rolls his eyes.

"If you brought me coffee, just once the skis would have been yours."

"Seriously?"

"No."

Bram returns to his job, "Kate Harper called…" Will snatches the message out of his hands. Much to the giggles of the women at the table.

Bram turned his attention to Josh.

"Josh, your mother called. She says, "It's nice to see you really happy. When am I going to get grandkids? You should find yourself a nice girl and get married."

'It doesn't say that does it?" He grabbed the message. "It does. Why did you write that down?"

"It was the message."

"Thanks, mom." Josh grumbled.

"Donna, Mrs. Lyman called for you too. She says, "You're _a nice girl._ It's nice to see Josh really smile not that fake politician smile he has. You looked pretty in that tank top."' Donna turned bright red. Almost the same color as Josh, Leo was cracking up. "Donna, your mom also called she says, 'Your tank top made you look like a hussy.'"

"Gee thanks Mom."

"Hey, Donna how is this supposed to prove that you have the ability to ruin men for all other women?"

"It's coming."

"Donna, you have a message for a Jack Reese…"

"Ah HA! Here we go! Behold Proof!"

"Commander Wonderful called?"

"Yeah, he calls whenever he has R and R"

"Great." Josh mumbles.

"The message says, "Hey Donna, hope the campaign trail brings you to Boston in the next two weeks. Maybe we can get together for dinner… and breakfast.""

"Did you just proposition you for sex over a phone message?" I cry in disbelief.

"Classy." My wife pipes in.

"Yep. Four years ago and he can't get over me."

"That proves nothing, its one guy who wants to nail his ex girlfriend. I need more proof."

"Um, you have another message."

"Go ahead Bram."

"Cliff Calley called. He says he's very disappointed you didn't come back to the White house after Super Tuesday, like you said. He hears from Kate you guys will be back in a week. Dinner?"

"Oh Donna!" Leo says in horror, clearly feeling the same horror we all felt. "Cliff? "He's he's"

"Short." Will pipes in.

"Arrogant." I find myself saying.

"Republican." Leo cries. Josh just laughs it off as if these were all traits he couldn't understand either.

"Well, you shouldn't fault someone because their short. As for being arrogant, every man in my life is arrogant, I simply thought it came with the penis." My wife roars with laugher, Donna nudges Josh a little bit.

"Yeah well, I thought that the…."

"Josh, you don't want to finish that statement. Any way, I tend to date Republicans because I firmly believe I can change them."

Again the women roar with laughter. Josh shakes his head and starts eating his food, which has come during Donna's little show.

"Does she have any more messages?"

"Yeah. A Dr. Kevin Riley called, he says…." Donna's face turns to ice.

"I am not interested in what he has to say. Jefferson, do you smoke?" She called to the Secret Service Agent.

"No Ms. Moss it is a terrible habit…"

"I'm not going to give you a lecture, I need your lighter." The lighter flies through the air and lands perfectly in her hand. She lights it and starts to burn the message. "I can't believe he needed to add the label doctor to the message, like I am going to forget I dropped out of college to pay for him to go to med school."

"That's Dr. Freeride?" Josh yells. "What the hell is that son of a bitch doing calling you?"

"Now Will if you need any farther proof that I ruin men for all other women please listen closely…."

"Wait, back up, who is Dr. Freeride.?" Good question Ronna.

"He's my ex boyfriend. I dropped out of college for put him through Med school. When he was nearly completed, he dumped me and said 'I wasn't Dr. Wife material.' Of course I had just walked in on him have sex with someone he consider to be wife material."

"He. Dumped. YOU!" My wife screams. At this point I should say that every agent is listening in as well as our waitress and bartender. Everyone's jaws have dropped, save Josh. He has obviously heard the story before. Needless to say, one more man has just made my list.

"Not a shining moment in my life. Anyway I packed up and headed for New Hampshire to join the Bartlet for America Campaign. Then a few months later he begs me back. I go back, but I would like to say he is cut off and still in a "waiting period." You can't come crawling back into my pants THAT fast. When I got into a car accident and he stopped to grab a beer before picking me up from the hospital."

"WHAT!" Will, several agents, and the bartender shout at once.

This guy just got moved to the top of the list.

"No, that story ends happy. Sort of. I end up working at the white house and he marries the women he cheated on me. Three years later, she gets pregnant but wait for it… It's not his! But don't cry for him, he got his girlfriend pregnant as well." Donna sighs satisfied.

"I don't understand, why didn't you switch teams?"

"You can't give up on the whole male gender because of a few assholes. He calls when he sees me on TV and wants to get back together, hoping I won't remember what he did eight years ago. I get to blow him off every time! See I win."

"Yes, it is a wonderful story of good verse evil. Can we move on to the rest of the messages?"

"Sure thing, Josh. Helen, the packages are arriving on time tomorrow." Packages?

"What's this about?" I ask. Then I see the smile I fell in love with.

"The boys are coming up for a few days before we sent them to summer camp for two weeks." YAY! MY BOYS! MY KIDS! YAY! The rest of the conversations I am lost on because the only things I keep thinking about are MY BOYS!

Bram runs down tomorrow's schedule. "The boys' plane arrives at 10:00, Helen and Ronna will be there to pick them up."

"Wait, why can't I go?"

"You have a meeting with a teacher's union at 10:00, sorry, you will see them when you get back." Stupid teachers.

"Don't forget there will be a photo journalist following you guys around tomorrow too."

"Yeah, I set it up about a month ago. Her name is Jessica. She's supposed to be wonderful." Good thinking Ronna, Good PR.

"Oh, Jessica got the flu, she can't make it. We got this other guy. He's international, Irish I think, his name is Colin." Both Donna and Josh freeze, the color is draining in their faces before our very eyes.

"This is a joke right, ten dollars? Right Donna. You're being funny. Right?" He's panicking, did he stop breathing? She looks awfully pale too.

"No, I had no idea. I… no… Is there any way to cancel?"

"No, he's already in town."

"Shit." Donna starts rubbing her temples.

"Um, who's Colin?" My lovely and noisy wife asks.

Still pale, I don't even think she knows she's saying it. "Before I went to Gaza, CJ said I should have a one night stand while I was there. I picked Colin. When my car blew up…"

"YOUR CAR BLEW UP!" Ronna cries. By the way our waitress has now pulled up a seat.

"It was international news." Josh mutters. Neither of them is aware of what they are saying.

"Oh my god, you were the White House aid?"

"Yeah. Any way I picked Colin and he showed up to Germany and there you have it."

"A one night stand flew from Gaza to Germany? Damn, you really can ruin men for all other women."

"SHUT UP WILL!"

Josh looks suddenly very composed. "It will be fine. It's good PR."

"It's very bad PR if you KILL him."

"Leo, I am a professional. I can keep it professional."

"Not when it comes to Donna." Leo mutters under his breath. The comment goes ignored.

"Oh, and one more thing… Donna you have a meeting with Amy Garnder tomorrow at noon."

"I have a _what_ with _who_?"


	14. Chapter fourteen

Disclaimer: they aren't mine.

Author's note: Enjoy! Josh and Donna's POV

Then Everything Changed

Chapter 14

Donna and I are in the elevator. Neither of us can speak. I don't know what is messing me up more, her entire dinner conversation where she pointed out the fact that every gomer she let worm his way into her pants calls her up for booty calls or the fact that Blarney Boy is coming to town. Who am I kidding it is Blarney Boy? I hated him the most, only because there really wasn't a reason to hate him. HE never hurt Donna, or used her like the others. He was nice, honest, he just got to be with her first**. HE GOT THERE FIRST WITH MY DONNA!** I really hate this guy.

* * *

I always have and always will **LOATHE** Amy Garnder. I have never hated anyone with every fiber of my being. I strongly disliked Joey, but I could respect her abilities. I hated Mandy, she was shrill and hard to take, but AMY was the worst. It wasn't just a few dates with her: she stuck around! Then **SHE** started working on **MY** Turf. Now SHE wants to talk to me. She's probably going to call him, J. That's not a name, it's a letter! How freaking long is this elevator ride?

* * *

"So Blarney Boy is coming tomorrow, are you excited?" 

"His name is Colin and not really. Your lovely ex-girlfriend will be here tomorrow, you wanna make the same mistake for a third time?"

"No, I have already seen her during the election and I f…."

Cough Cough. We both turn our heads.

"I just wanted to remind you that we are here and that normally people don't fight around us until 72 hours of protections."

"Thanks, Jackson." She mutters.

"Well, I didn't want you to make an ass out of yourself, Ms. Moss. I really don't care about Mr. Lyman he's going to make an ass out of himself anyway."

"Thanks." The elevator doors open.

"Yankee and Maple Leaf are on the move."

I can't even look at her, but as she passes a picture in the hallway I can see her reflection. She's a shade of red only reserved for her fights with me. I am in for a lovely evening. Damn key card why won't you work. Donna pushes me aside and opens the door on the first try.

"Maple Leaf is in for the night, maybe." I am sure to glare at him as I walk in.

"Finish your statement: 'I have already seen her during he election and I ffff' what did you do Josh?"

"I fired her!"

"Oh." She is on the other side of the hotel room near the window; I am still at the door.

"What about Blarney Boy, you gonna be able to keep your hands off him too?"

"Yes, I can exercise restraint."

"Not according to your dinner conversation. God this is the worst day of my life."

"THIS, THIS is the worst day of your life. You. King tragedy himself. This is the worst it has ever been?" She screams, well maybe I overstated a little.

Here we are screaming at each other. Over stupid and trivial things, I guess it's the little things that can kill a relationship. I turn to leave; my hand is on the icy doorknob. I hate the doorknob, this one and everyone that's in Donna's hotel room. It the only way to leave, and I hate leaving her. But if I stay I could say something stupid.

"You're leaving." Her voice quivers. I don't even need to look at her; I know what her face looks like: wide-eyed, pale and the early forming of a pout. If I look up, I'll stay. If I look at her, I'll end up hurting her. Instead I stare that this hateful doorknob.

"I can't deal with this right now."

"So you're running away?" My hand leaves the doorknob just to rub my head. Stop turning around. Oh God I turned around. Ok stare at her feet. Stop moving up her body. Stop staring at her legs, her long stunning legs. Or her stomach. Ok stop at the breasts. Every man loves breasts. Ok Eyes Stay there. Focus on the breasts. No don't move on to the neck. Ok seriously, stop at the lips, those pouting… too late. Her face is right there, pouting lips, bambi eyes, her forehead is all creased. Yep I looked. Now I have to stay.

"No. I am not going to run away. I just need to know." _What, what do I need to know?_ "I need to know what we are." Yes. Labels I like Labels!

"Ok let's figure it out."

"Sure, we are two very intelligent people. I have two ivy league degrees."

"I got a 1490 on my SAT."

"You got a what?"

"I don't think this is what we should be talking about. We have established that we are smart. Time to prove it. What are we?"

Silence.

"I don't know."

"Me either." I admit.

"Maybe we should think about what we are not?"

"Huh?" I have not clue what this woman is talking about.

"If we can figure out what we aren't then we should be able to figure out what we are."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"One; you are not my boss."

"I'm not?" This is news to me.

"No, Leo is my boss. I am not your assistant."

"I can agree with that."

"We… um…. Er… we aren't working at the White House."

"True."

"Um that's all I've got."

"Well, now it seems like a waste of 1490 score doesn't it."

"Well at least I didn't pay for two Ivy League schools. Let's try to focus"

My mind is reeling, Colin and Amy in one day. I won't be able to get through the day if I don't know where I stand with her. I can't have Colin breathing…. Oh god. My stomach beings to knot.

"Donna, you guys broke up right?' She looks confused. I couldn't keep an eye on him while she was away. I am not the kind of man who breaks up a relationship. Well I am. But this is different.

She's rolling her eye, that's a good sign.

"Yes, we broke up." That's odd wording.

"**HE** broke up with **YOU**? What man does _that_? Who flies from Gaza to Germany to break up with someone? Now I have to kick his ass tomorrow!"

Her thumb and index finger pinches the bridge her nose.

"No, Josh I broke up with him."

"Why did you do that? He was a nice guy. He flew from Gaza to Germany to be at your bedside, who does that?" Why the hell did I just say that?

"Because the man who flies from Gaza to Germany pales in comparison to the man who flies from DC to Germany and beats him there!" She shouts. Then everything changed.

"Oh." Smooth, Lyman, smooth. "Well, I guess that's something."

She smiles that glorious smile. "I guess that is." I think we are on a roll. I take a step forward. So does she.

"You know, Amy hates you."

"Gee thanks."

"She hates you because she thinks I would rather be with you then her."

"Yeah?" I love that smile.

"Yeah, and you know what?'

"What?"

"She was right."

"Well, I guess that's something"

"Yeah I guess it is." One more step for me and she matches it.

"I think you should know I have broken up with every man I have ever dated since I started working for The Bartlet for American campaign."

"I wonder why that is?"

"Once I knew what a real man could be, they weren't good enough. So I waited and wasted time."

"Well, I guess that's something." I think I am beaming.

"Yeah I guess it is." We take two more steps. She's nearly at arms length.

Now I am confessing things, words that have never been said aloud to anyone. "I have a list of all the good and bad things that have happened to me. You, Donnatella are on both lists more then anyone else. Interestingly for every time you make the bad list there is a corresponding spot on the good list. So according that that one piece of paper, you are the most important person in my life."

"I guess there's that." Her voice has changed, softer, sexier. I run my fingers up the length of her arms. My hand rests gently at her neck.

"You are the only one who says my name right. You are one three people on this planet I allow to say my name. The other two happen to be my father and the Commander of the Free World. But you are the only one who can say it and make my heart stop beating and my stomach flip."

"Well, that's something." Her fingers are running through my hair and mine have made their way to her cheek. I notice how closely she is pressed against me.

For once, we are alone. No George. Just us. I love it.

Her eyes, I really don't know what words to use to describe them. Every emotion she feels is revealed in her eyes. Right now, they are filled with something, I have never seen before, and yet so recognizable. It's The Look. Impossible to describe and powerful to feel, and in this Look I know she feels the same way. Our eyes are mirroring each other. "Donnatella, I l…"

Her lips stop my words. She knew, I didn't have to say it.

Now I have kissed her before, mostly on the forehead or cheek, once in a drunken state I think I kissed her neck but we never talk about. We always stayed at arms length, tangoing around any real issues. Every time we made contact we could convince ourselves it was platonic. Knowing full well, it wasn't, but too afraid of change, social pressures, or true happiness.

There had been many nights I longed just for a sweet taste of her lips. And now I am finally kissing her. It's a good kiss. Soft, sweet just the right amount of pressure, we're very good at kissing. I should tell her.

Instead I am going to continue the kissing.

This time harder, mouths are opened wider. Everything about this kiss is more. More passion more intense. The more I kiss her, the more I need her.

Our tongues dance together, our hands explore each other. I gently lead her to the bed. She loosing my tie, and pulling off my jacket.

My fingers slide down her back, searching for the zipper to her dress. I slowly start to pull it down.

Hmm. The kissing seems to have stopped.

She freezes and pulls away. I open my eyes, just to see her begin to water up.

"Please. Stop." She begs.

"No no no no no." I whisper. God how could I have done this too her? How could I forget? "I'm sorry… I know you wanted to take it slow. Sorry."

"I just can't right now."

"I respect that. Please tell me why." I start to beg, my brain can't handle any more confusion or mystery with her.

"You won't like the answer." I keep her in my arms but my eyes stay steady with hers, not letting her break our connection.

"It's fine. I need to understand why."

"Do you believe in a vindictive God?"

"Do you?"

"Yes." She wants to pull away, one arm holds squeezes the other hand is firmly on her face. I am not letting you go.

"Why?"

"I had sex with Colin and the next day my car blew up." That I wasn't expecting.

"Huh?" _Way_ to sound supportive. "You think your car blew up because you had sex?"

"You don't need to sound so condescending about it. But yes. Because I wasn't have sex with who I should be. So therefore I was being punished. Worst of all I associate sex with the car explosion and all the months of pain. I need to take it slow."

That makes sense, at least in Donna World. In my world it means I have wait. Then she whimpers, "I am so sorry."

I kiss her again. "You have nothing to feel sorry for. You did nothing wrong. Can we still do the kissing?"

She smiles. "Yeah. I like the kissing."

"We are very good at it."

"Yes, we are. Are you sure you are ok?"

"Of course, but I want you to talk to Stanley about it ok?"

She nods, and we continue the best make-up sessions of my life.

Donna Moss is now my girlfriend.

I like labels.


	15. Chapter fourteen five

Disclaimers: not mine

Author's Notes: This is a very short chapter. This is the first chapter that really warrants a Mature rating. Translation: SMUT. Nothing to overly graphic, but it doesn't really move the plot along. I would not be insulted if you did not read this at all. Chapter 15 will be loaded up today.

Chapter 14.5

I wake and turn off the alarm. I start to wake Josh up in my normal fashion. Kissing his neck and gently say his name. He stirs but does not open his eyes, he holds me tighter.

"I had a good dream last night." He states in his oh so sexy sleepy voice.

"So did I." More in my sexy voice then sleepy.

"Donna, your hand?"

"Yes. I know."

'Is it supposed to be there?" He starts to blush, eyes still closed. Sometimes I love being me.

"You're going to have a bad day."

"Why am I going to… oh never mind." His face falls.

My hand squeezes. His eyes shoot open.

"Um.. Donna? Are you sure?"

"My issues are with my body not yours. The fact is: you WILL have a bad day today."

I begin stroking with my hand and kissing his neck. His breathing becomes shallow and barely noticeable moans begin. I readjust my body and begin to slide down his. I finger the elastic on his boxers. And with painfully slow tugs I remove them. I concentrate only on my mouth and tongue, they have work to do. My head moves up and down, slow then fast. My tongue matches pace. His body stiffens then begins to jolt. His moans increase. He bucks and then start to spasm. I tease a little more with my tongue because he's fun to watch. My mouth withdraws and I cover him back up. I head to the bathroom to empty my month and brush my teeth. I don't like leading men on, making them think one thing and getting something else.

I stand in the bathroom doorway, minty fresh. He looks relaxed, blissful and he's smirking at the same time.

"I hope you will be able to forgive me. I just ruined you for all other woman."

"Donna, you ruined me years ago."

It's going to be a good day.


	16. chapter fifteen Attack of the Ex's

Disclaimer: See before

Author's notes: The next three chapters were written as one long chapter, but I chopped it up. Josh deals with Colin.

Chapter 15: The attack of the EX's part 1

* * *

"You're gloating."

"No I am not!"

"You are strutting around in you're _I'm da man way_. Stop it!"

"My dear Donnatella, I am in a surprisingly good mood this morning, why would you take that from me? You know what you are… a downer."

"I am?"

"I am going to start to call you Donnatella the Downer."

"Well isn't that sweet."

"I am a sweet guy."

"Whatever Josh, be good today."

"I am always good."

"No you're not! I just wanted to remind you, his name is Colin. Not gomer or Blarney boy or whatever insulting name you have come up with in your sick twisted mind."

"Wait, before you go in there." I grab her and kiss her in the hallway. My lips are warmed by hers. A quite moan escapes from her mouth before I can kiss it again. She pushes me away, slowly but sternly.

"We have work to do today."

"I know. Hey Donna, you are my girlfriend, right? It really like labels and…"

"I believed I proved that to you this morning, remember?"

"I remember, hence the good mood and the strutting."

We walk into the conference room where everyone is waiting of the day to begin. There he is. Blarney Boy himself. I hate you. Die. Die horribly. Something that involves fire ants and honey; that would be a nice way for you to die. Stop staring at her. She's mine.

"Donna, I didn't know you were going to be here." Curse you and you suave smile.

"That's bull, Colin, and you know it."

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"Aside form seeing me, why would you take this job?"

"You're the only reason." DIE DIE DIE! I HATE YOU DIE.

"Yes, she's the best." I manage to say, but quite frankly I was hoping for some biting wit.

"Well, it's going to be a great story. If you win."

"No one cares about the election process ten days after Election Day. Win or lose." You're story won't make it into the history books.

"Or if you lie during the campaign about some disease."

Oh no. He didn't. He just insulted to President in front of Donna. I don't know if I should punch him or laugh in his face. Donna's face hardens as the rest of her stiffens. Her eyes shoot bullets of disgust and rage at the unaware Irish Man.

For a split instant I almost feel bad for him. It's the chain reaction that he just caused.

"You, Colin are a guest here." Here she goes. "And as a guest you should know that there are certain things that are never joked about and never brought up lightly. If you ever, EVER, show that level of disrespect about President Bartlet or any one else who works for this administration or the next, I will personally jam that $3000 digital camera up your ass."

That's my girl! Poor guy, he doesn't know what hit him. He looks like a deer caught in the headlights of a convoy that's not about to stop.

"I think now would be a perfect time to talk about your contract. All pictures are to be cleared through me. If any of the pictures do not meet my approval they will be deleted."

"I didn't sign that."

"Yes, you did. It was on page 7 paragraph 5 sentence 2 in Jessica's contract and when you came up to this job you took her contract and all the stipulations involved."

"What about the freedom of press?"

"What about it? This isn't a story. At its' most basic element this is a PR move. Now if you don't want the job there are about 50 reporters down stairs who would love it."

"Fine, whatever." How's that taste Bitch! HA!

"Pictures that comprise the staff will be deleted. Any pictures with the Santos children will not be handed over to the press, but can be given to the Santos' as a gift for allowing you to accompany them today."

"Wait, why aren't we using the kids?" Fairly good question Will, but I know the answer and Donna's on a roll so you might have wanted to wait for that one.

"Because the minute we start using dirty politics: I walk. I will not go back to the mind numbing pseudo moral mud slinging that the Russell campaign used. Whoring their children out is a slimy and subconscious way of saying, 'We're young, and the other guy is old.' And I for one will not have it. They are children and deserve their childhood without being targets of the media."

"Really, Donna and what will you do when you walk?" Fool, don't get cocky she'll crush you.

"CJ will hire be back at the White house in one of three positions: Press Secretary, Deputy Communications Director, or Deputy Chief of Staff."

Will and I freeze. I don't think I could move if I wanted to. CJ promised Donna my job. But what will I do? Where will I work?

"But Donna, Deputy Communications Director was my job."

"Yes, Will, I am aware of that. I think I would be damn good at any of those jobs and if you have a problem with a collage drop out taking your former job and being better at it, then I suggest you play by my rules and fight fair."

Silence. My girlfriend is a pit bull. I don't think I have ever been more attracted to her.

Thanks a lot Blarney Boy for setting her off.

"In case anyone cared. The minute you whore out my children is the minute I walk too." Matt declares. My pride for my beloved Donna and my Presidential candidate overflow the room, and balances the horror that Will and Blarney Boy feel over the verbal ass kicking she gave them.

I will have to deal with Claudia Jean when I talk to her next about this whole job situation.

Donna turns her attentions to Colin, "I am not entirely heartless, you can have your choice of going to a Hollywood party or covering a Technology fundraiser?"

"Gee take pictures of famous people or geeks, my dear I think we both know which one I am going to pick." Damn it! She's going to the Hollywood thing tonight. Quick say something clever and charming

"Hey, Colin, try to not sleep with anyone while you are there!" OH MY GOD! The venom oozing from both of their eyes, what the hell was I thinking? I think it was pretty obvious I wasn't thinking.

The air is thick with tension.

"Hey, Donna do you want to check out your new office?" This is when I realize I've been smirking this entire conversion, because my face barely needs to change when I announce to her how I am the best boyfriend in the world. Hopefully she will acpect my peace offering.

"My. Own. Office?" She smiles, beaming and radiant. Her eyes wide and all her teeth are showing. Victory!

"Well, you have the important meeting today." The smile falls ever so slightly. "And I thought you could use an office to conduct it in."

"Leo suggested it last night before he left for Florida." Shut up WILL.

Donna grabs my arm, "Well, show the way." As we walk out the door she whispers.

"Stop gloating."

All is forgiven, for now.


	17. Chapter Sixteen Attack of the Ex's

Disclaimer: Same as before

Author's notes: I wanted something to trigger a freak for Josh, something to make him explode over all the stress, but wanted it to be something kind of mundane. Enjoy!

Then Everything Changed

Chapter 16- The Attack of the Ex's

* * *

I punch Josh in the arm. I can't believe he said that, out loud! 

"What the hell was that?"

"Sorry, but he posed a threat."

"Colin poses no threat. Your idiotic thought processes poses the biggest threat to this relationship."

"Sorry." Damn him and his dimples. He leads me into my office. Josh put flowers on my desk, so it looks great! He is already forgiven.

My very own office for a campaign that matters. Its funny the stupid things that make you feel like you've grown up. The first time I felt like that was when Josh handed me his id badge eight years ago. Now as we stand in the doorway of an office the hotel provides for large events I feel more mature and ready for my new life ahead of me. Of course the fact that Josh is kissing my neck helps matters

"You were amazing in there."

I blush. Complements from Josh are a rare thing when it comes to my job performance.

"Yeah I guess."

"You're going to have a good day today." I love his dimples, they make fire shoot up my back and my stomach all flittery, which by the way, I know isn't a word.

Colin is going to be following them around for the rest of the day and I feel the need to remind Josh to be good, which he assures me he will be, which means I know he won't.

The rest of the day I dread my meeting with Amy and try to distract myself with the speech I have to write or the many phone calls I take. It's around 11:00 when the boys come barreling into my office. Mini versions of Matt, covered in some form of stickiness. Helen introduces us.

"Boys, this is Ms. Donna."

"Hi" They say in unison. I love little kid voices, innocent and tricky. Matt and Josh won't be back for another two hours or so, they have a meeting some unions besides the teachers. It should be enough time. I can't have Josh walking in on the end of this movie.

I can't imagine what it is like for these kids, their world is changing so fast and they have no control over anything. Kids like to own things, feel more adult.

"I have a very important job and I need some help. Do you think you could help me?"

"Maybe."

"I am writing a speech for your mom and it's my very first speech and I am a little scared about it." I point to the chair and ask them to sit down. "Well I need something to make the speech great, you know. I need a really cool and meaningful line to hook everything together. I need someone to do research." The boys seem interested but skeptical. "So I have this movie about a fish." Their eyes light up. "Seems this fish lost his son and he needs to find…."

"_NEMO_!" They yell.

"Right, I need a line from the movie that makes people feel good about themselves. But I don't have time to watch the movie, do you think you could do it and find a really cool line for me?"

"Yeah, Ms. Donna we can do that." I hand them the DVD and the run off. Helen mouths 'thank you' to me and I again am left with my dread.

Five minutes before Amy gets here I call Jackson into my office. She, by the way, is nearly a half an hour late.

"Hey Jackson did you eat lunch yet?"

"Not yet, but I will after Ms. Gardener leaves."

"Yes about that, do you think we could come up with some signal? You know if I feel threatened or something and you can, um kill her?"

"Ms. Moss I am allowed to take a bullet for you, I can shoot some one for you, but I can't kill your boyfriend's ex- girlfriend for you."

"Then you're useless to me." He laughs and stands outside the door. I should question him about calling Josh my boyfriend, but it seems a moot point.

When Amy comes in I pretend to be on the phone, actually I just repeat the conversation I had with Will ten minutes before. I point to the chair, you know, implying she's an idiot and doesn't know where to sit. When I finish with my face phone call I turn my attentions to her.

God she's a bitch. Smarmy. Her hair is perfect, her face has that smirk, that "I've been where you haven't. He was mine first. I am better then you in every possible way." Or it could just be her face.

"Nice office you have here."_ Die_

"Yeah, they try to set me up someplace nice everywhere we go." _I lie, but she doesn't know that._

"There is a lot of security here." _Hmm_.

"Compare to what?" _Something's not right here. I can't place it_.

"Um, compared to the beginning of the campaign. You know I worked here."

"Yeah, Josh said he fired you." _SCORE_!

"Hmm. You must be so excited to be back, under his wing and shadow." _I wonder how many objects I can kill you with in this room._

"Well, he doesn't have an office. So what can I do for you?" _I can staple your eye lids to your face. It won't kill you but it would hurt a lot._

"I think you need to focus on more women's issues in the campaign." _I could repeatedly beat you with my laptop._

"Most of our platform corresponds with woman's issues is there anything you want to focus on?"_ I could use the phone cord to choke you_.

"National Security." _My God, are you the dumbest person alive or do just think I am?_

"I think National Security is a national issue not just a woman's issue. Surely you have something more then just that." I raise my eyebrow. Of course she does.

"Well, I have more but I would like to talk to someone a little more higher up then you."

Bitch.

"Well, You were the one to schedule the meeting with me, so I am afraid all you get is little old me." _Can you kill someone with whiteout?_

"Well, there is the marriage incentive, I want them gone. You know Josh and I talk about marriage incentives. You know, Donna, _benefits_ of being married."

The horror of that statement takes a few seconds to sink in. They talked about getting married. This was a consideration for him. He wanted Amy as his wife. Breathe. Focus on breathing. Focus on your enemy.

"Amy, I am very busy today. Why don't you just cut to the chase? This isn't about Marriage incentives, it is about child care. How much money do you want for working mothers to be reimbursed for child care?"

"Fifteen million." _What? That can't be right. No. Oh God no! She wouldn't. I jot down a note while she rants about the money_. "I know its lot but the future of America is worth it." You bitch. You did. You sold us out. My phone rings.

"Donna, you have to get down here now!" Will bellows.

"Excuse, Amy I have to go. Stay here."

I have the feeling I am leaving the frying pan of power struggles into a fire of , well nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.

Josh is standing in the middle of the room and Finding Nemo is paused on the TV, screaming. Everyone, the Santos clan, children included, Will, Ronna, Bram and Colin are looking to me for answers.

**"DOOOONNNNNAAAA!"** He's still screaming until he sees me at the door. "When did they start making snuff films for kids?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Nemo's dead!" This shouldn't be happening. I timed it. Josh shouldn't have been watching the movie or emotionally invested in it. They got back early. Shit!

"No, he's not."

"Marlin _thinks_ he's dead!" I look at Matt for some sort of an explanation.

"Sorry, they were at the end, but I like the part with the turtles." He shrugs. Josh is a lot to handle if you don't understand all of his emotional baggage. He's even more to handle when you do.

"Josh everything is going to be fine." Helen speaks up hoping to be the voice of reason.

"Donna. I need to hear it from you."

"Josh, It's not going to be fine. Marlin thinks Nemo is dead and he is going to ditch Dory." He needs honesty and a blow by blow description.

"But why? Dory is his friend, she could help him." In his voice I hear all the hurt over the past few months. Each time I think we over come it, something reminds both of us about the pain, anger and frustration. Each time these happens I hate Leo and the President for a spilt second.

"Because its too hard on him. He needs to be alone and sometimes that means hurting someone your close too." We make eye contact, unsure if we are still talking about the movie. He needs to know what he's in for, I feel like I am explaining this to child.

"Nemo is only faking his death to get flushed down the toilet. He makes his way into the ocean and finds Dory and the two of them go looking for Marlin. Then they get caught up in the fishing net. Free the fish. The net lands of Nemo and they make their way back to the reef. It all ends very happy."

The youngest of the Santos clan pipes in, "You forgot the scary part; Bruce."

"Right, Bruce the shark comes back at the end."

"I'll hold your hand Mr. Josh." Josh breaks my gaze to smile down at the child.

"Thanks. Donna come here and watch the rest of the movie with me." Josh pushes Will off of the couch. Clearly I am to take my place next to Josh while poor Will is forced to sit the couch arm with his laptop in tow. We exchanged "I am sorry" and "that's ok" glances.

Josh focuses all of his attention on to the TV screen. The youngest Santos is on Josh's other side ready to protect him from the evil toothy smile of Bruce the shark.

This movie isn't a metaphor for our lives, or at least that is what I want to believe.

I want reach out to Josh. I want to hold him and tell him everything will be ok. I want to. But I can't.

We haven't talked about our relationship going public and I can't afford to take that risk. Instead I rub my pinky against his. A small barely noticeable act which goes unseen by all the eyes in the room, mostly because the movie has sucked everyone's attention.

It is important to note when you are around someone long enough, or work in the White House, for any amount of time you become as master of the wordless conversations. Josh and I had our first wordless conversation when I came back from the Attack of Dr. Freeride, part 2. He said "there's work on the desk." But his eyes said, "thank you. I missed you." Mine said. "I missed you too." While working at the White House nearly every conversion that dealt with our feelings were never spoken; simply glances into each other's eyes. For eight years that's how we communicated, and habits are sometimes very hard to break.

My eyes: "Are you ok?"

His eyes: "Better that you're here." He blinks (that means a new thought) His eyes shift to Colin who is messing with his camera. "I think he took a picture. God I feel like such an ass."

"She can't remember Nemo's name?" Josh breaks the silence. Little Santos explains.

"Mr. Josh, that's what makes it funny." I love these kids.

My eyes: "Its ok, I'll take care of it." I blink "There is something else."

"You're watching a movie, Donna. I didn't think I would be blown off for a kids movie." I hate Amy. She's standing in the doorway like a queen surveying her land.

"You were supposed to stay in the room. I'll be with you when I'm done here."

"I'll wait here, if you don't mind."

"Whatever."

My eyes go back to their conversation: "I hate her."

His eyes and a smile say, "I know."

My eyes. "I think she betrayed us."

His eyes. "What?"

"Mr. Josh, you might want to hold my hand now. Bruce is coming up." The littlest Santos grabs Josh's hand.

My eyes. "She's low." I make a V with my fingers on my lap.

"Why thank you very much for protecting me. You're right he was scary." Josh is so good with these kids. I bet he would make a good dad. AH! Focus Donna Focus.

His eyes: "You think she is supporting Vinick?"

I nod. The credits start in the movie. "So guys did you come up with a quote for me?"

The two mini Santos' go to conference. They remerge confident. "We have, 'just keep swimming'"

"No, they can't use that one." Will shouts from the armrest.

"Why not!" Clearly, Will would make a lousy father.

"I was going to use it for _MY_ speech." Awe he's playing around.

"Well, Will, _MY_ researches have picked their quote maybe they could help you with your speech too." The kids start to beam with pride and the thought of providing something else to help their Mom and Dad. Sure we are all playing to these kids, but hey did you see how cute they were.

"How about, 'I wish I could speak whale.'?"

"We'll see." There is joy in the jungle for now. Josh is calm sort of. The children feel important. I have my quote. All is well.

"Why are you using Disney quotes for a speech?" Damn you, Amy.

"We are going to a Hollywood Fund raiser and Donna thought it would be a good idea to use a line from a movie." Thank you, Helen.

"Who is reading the speech?"

"I am." Helen is becoming defense. So am I, but the words have yet to come from my mouth. Both Josh and Will make eye contact. They're having a conversation too.

I could stop this at any time. I simple word would do. But instead, I allow Amy to dig her grave. It's going to be fun to watch. I'll take any insults she throws at me, because I see the chain reaction about to occur. I could stop it, but I don't.

"So you are letting the potential First Lady quote a children's movie?" she says a "children's movie" like it is Mien Kopf or something. "Don't you think that is a little trite? You've already stripped her on any power she could potential possess. And to have her children pick out the line, that is simply pandering and pathetic." Oh Boy. This is when chaos enters in the room. Ronna and Bram grab the boys so they won't witness the parental backlash.

"Hey guys, lets go down to the arcade in the hotel. Sounds fun right." They are gone.

"Will, could you bring Amy back to my office? While you are there if you could look at my speech and make notes that would be great."

Will jumps up and grabs Amy by the arm. "Why does she even have an office, she's just an assistant." BITCH!

A visually pissed off Will retaliates, "let me **_assist_** you there." That's my boy!

Josh jumps from the couch and leads Matt and his wife into their bedroom. Leaving me alone with Colin.

"She's lovely." He smirks.

"You have no idea." Though the closed doors I can still hear the screams. Matt is offended that she could attack his wife and children. Offended by the way is the nicest possible word I could use for the situation.

"I guess you want to see the pictures."

"Yeah." I hardly know this man. I've seen him naked. We've talked but being near him doesn't feel… right.

"I didn't take any pictures of Josh's Nemo freak out if that is what you were worried about."

"A little."

"Donna if there was way one in the room who was going to understand why he was freaking out… it would be me." Suddenly I remember why I slept with him in the first place.

We hear Santos scream. "Damn it! Josh if you are ever that hard up for sex I'll pay for the hooker myself with a personal check before I let you get back together with her!"

I look at the camera screen to see Josh and I having our eye conversation. Our fingers are intertwined. To the untrained eye we look like we are in love, but well, um. We look good together. I don't know how long I was staring at the picture until Josh goes running out of the room on a warpath for Amy.

"Sorry." I cry out.

"Don't worry about it."

I turn my attentions back to the screen. "It needs to be deleted."

Colin shakes his head. "No, it's a gift for letting me spend the day with you." He goes through his bag and pulls out a manila envelope. "This is for you too. They're pictures from Gaza. It's the real reason I took the assignment; I didn't want to just mail them to you. Look at them, don't look at them, do with you want with them the negative are in there as well."

I don't know what do say or do. Too many emotions are filling me up at once. I certainly don't want to relive this event over again. I thank him and we continue to go through the pictures.


	18. Chapter seventeen Attack of the Ex's

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's notes: Final installment of the Attack of the Ex's. This one is from Will's POV mostly. I added the last part from Donna's POV, just to tie things up.

Then Everything Changed

Chapter 17

So I am stuck with the baby sitting the bitch. Donna left me note on her computer screen, "15 million for child care. Vinick is offering 25." Amy is underselling us. She's already thinks we have lost the election and has placed all her support to Vinick. I swear to god if she starts talking I am going to…

"I can't believe the great Josh Lyman was taken down by a children's movie."

I have always liked Josh. He never turned his back on me when I turned my back on Toby. He's been like an older brother, hell, he's been better to me then my own older brothers.

"I don't like that part of the movie either. It's the feeling of thinking someone you care about is dead. It's the hope that they aren't and the harsh reality that they are. Zoë was missing for 60 hours. I know how Marlin feels which is why I didn't like that scene." She sits quietly for a few minutes letting my words sink in. We both know it isn't Zoë I was talking about.

Josh comes storming in. "Don't say a word Amy."

"Is he pissed?" What part of don't say a word doesn't she get.

"You insulted his wife and children. I'd be pissed too."

"You don't have a wife or children." He glares at her.

"No, but I have loyalty to my party and my friends, which you have neither."

"What are you accusing me of?"

"You sold us out. You're backing Vinick. You made us an offer of 15 million when Vinick already offered 25. This way when you support him in the fall it will be because of the money."

"You can't blame me for this. You candidate is a joke. You can't win."

"So you throw all your values out the window and jump on the Vinick bandwagon?"

"And you figured this out because of your little assistant told you? You trust what she has to say. She left you and ran to Russell." Amy has forgotten I am in the room. She places her hand on Josh's chest.

"Don't touch me." He recoils. Her hand withdraws but lingers in the air.

"She hurt you and you let her back in. She screwed you over much more then I did. How can you have loyalty for someone who you can't even trust?"

At this point Donna has entered the office, her eyes icy, icier if possible then this morning.

"Donna left for a good reason." She did? She never told me why. I just assumed it was for her career. I don't even think he knows why she left. "She never betrayed her party either."

"She worked for Russell and Will that's bad enough." Hey I am standing right here! "She's using you Josh."

He scoffs, "No, Amy you used me. Donna supports me."

Here is what I have noticed about men and women when it comes to fighting. Men will beat the crap out of each other and all will be fine in ten minutes. Women rarely ever come to physical blows. Their fights are mental and far more damaging. They never forget or forgive. It is in their nature to be protective, you don't screw with me or mine kind of attitude.

Amy fights dirty; she uses old ammunition, insecurities, and history to attack. She's going to use her relationship with Josh as her weapon of choice.

Donna fights clean, which is one of the reason why she resented the Russell campaign so much. Her arsenal is her current relationship with Josh (yeah like I'm blind), but she's too good to use it. She will stand and listen to every cheap shot Amy throws out there and take it with dignity. When I grow up I want to be Donna, you know but without the breasts and girly parts.

"Amy I think you should go before you say something that will embarrass you." Donna's voice is arctic. Her tone is one I have only heard once, some secret female voice only used on other females.

"Tell me J." Donna and Josh both flinch. J isn't a name it's a letter. "Were you fucking her while you were fucking me?"

"Only in my…"

"Josh." Everyone knows what he is about to say. Donna in her infinite kindness wants to shield Amy from it. "Amy, I think you should leave on your own before I have security escort you out."

Amy walks out and slams the door. Josh and Donna make eye contact. I decide its time to make my exit. I inform her to e-mail me her speech and I'll look it over in the other room.

"To the victor goes the spoils."

* * *

Jackson knocks on the office door, clearly he heard everything. "Ms. Moss I just want you to know, if you ever need me to kill someone for you, we need to create some sort of a codeword or secret hand gesture." I laugh and Josh smirks.

"You should get some lunch Jackson."

"I can't leave you, Ms. Moss."

"Well, what if I promise to stay here until you get back."

"You have my word, I won't let her leave." Josh continues to smirk.

"I just hope I return to you both fully clothed." Jackson mutters under his breath.

"Knock first." Josh replies. As the door closes he sweeps me into his arms and kisses me passionately. He doesn't let me go until Jackson returns from lunch. Will was right. In the epic battle of Donna and Amy for Josh's affection, I am the victor and the spoils are wonderful.


	19. Chapter eighteen

Disclaimer's: Same as before

Author's note: Donna had a good day and Josh makes a huge discovery. Mature events, be warned.

* * *

It's nearly midnight when I get back to the hotel. My feet are sore, legs are tight and my lower back is killing me.

I enter my hotel room, it dark and cold, just like every hotel room I've been in for the last few months. I look in the closet and feel in urge to smile. Maybe this room is a little different.

I fling off my shoes when I start to hear the repeating clicking of a key card not being used the right way. He finally figures it out and opens the door. Suddenly the room isn't cold. It feels familiar and hard to place. I am sure I'll figure it out. My hand goes to his chest as his lips warm mine. I like the kissing.

"Mmm. You look good." His fingers through my hair, he starts to kiss my neck. "How long since we did this last?"

"I don't know, like seven hours?"

"Too long, you're going to have to come up with schedule."

"I am?"

"Yeah. You're good at them."

I pull away from his embrace much to our disappointment. "I am going to get ready for bed." I turn around "Will you unzip me?"

"Sure." He is nearly gitty with excitement. His knuckles run down my back as he unzips my dress. I thank him and walk into the bathroom, the heat of his fingers still on my back and mind.

"How was your night?" I call from the bathroom.

"You were right this morning; I did have a bad day. Five hours of computer geeks talking about coding and other crap. Did you know that computer language is really only two numbers, 1 and 0?"

"Yeah."

"And yet they have been able to create many different languages to only two numbers."

"I think there is more too it then that."

"There is so much about this world I don't understand. I am beginning to think people passed me by on my good looks and charm."

"I don't think so." I brush my hair and smile down at the sink. Two toothbrushes, my and his. I am such a dork but my stomach gets all tingly when I see both of them there. I've been smiling so much my cheeks are beginning to hurt. "Sorry you had a bad day. Look in the closet it might make you feel better."

I hear the door move and I move onto stage two of getting ready for bed, brushing the teeth.

"Donna, my suit is in your closet." He's smiling too I can hear it in his voice. Good, I thought I might have gone overboard.

"Yeah so you can get ready here tomorrow morning. You don't seem to like to leave."

"Thank you." His words are so sincere.

"You're welcome."

"How was your night?"

"Weird. Paris Hilton cornered me for a few minutes and Tom Hanks had to save me. The speech went over well."

"I know Will was ranting about it the entire ride there. He's scared you will take his old job."

"I was thinking more Press Secretary."

"Not my old job?"

"Nah. Too weird. We raised nearly 10 million dollars tonight." I open the door to reveal the my tank top and boy cut underwear. "All yours." I point to the bathroom. He doesn't move.

"Um.. yeah… um ok I should go in there. Right."

"Yeah."

I plop down on the bed. And wait for my man to return. "Ten million that's wonderful. You kicked ass today. Where's Blarney boy?'

"He flew back about three hours ago; he has to get back for the wedding."

"Whose wedding?"

"His. Apparently he got back together with some girl from his younger years. He wanted me to thank you, apparently you inspired him."

"Really." I can't tell but I think he's dancing.

"He left me the pictures for the campaign. And some he took from Gaza." The dancing stops. I didn't want to tell him. But I want this new start in our relationship to be honest. No more elephants, just us for now on.

"Why did he do that?"

"Closure, I guess."

"Hump." One more thing was bugging me all day and now through a bathroom door I choose to ask the question.

"When I was meeting with Amy she said something. She implied that at one point you two might have discussed or it might have come up in conversation, that the idea of..."

"Spit it out Donna."

"Did you ever want to marry Amy?"

"WHAT!" He comes rushing out the door. "She said that to you?"

"Sort of." He stands in the door way and smiles an indiscernible smile.

"Donna, I didn't even love her, why would I marry her?" I heart swells, my cheeks are starting to hurt again. He comes to the bed and crawls over to me. He starts to kiss my neck and wraps his arm around my stomach. "You had a good day, tonight's about you." I start to kiss his neck and I think I agree but I am not sure. "So what are the rules?"

"Depends on what I am going to get?"

"Massage. I'm legendary for them."

"Legendary?"

"Well, you'll like it."

"You can touch everything, but stay above my clothes."

"I can live with that."

I roll over on my back facing away from him. He starts at my head, running his fingers through my hair, applying pressure to my scalp in small circular motions. If you have never had a head massage it is hard to explain, but wonderful, go get one. NOW!

I start to hum Mama Mia a little as he begins working on my fingers and hands. My humming turns to singing.

"My my, just how much I've missed you, Yes, I've been brokenhearted, Blue since the day we parted. Why, why did I ever let you go? Mamma Mia, now I really know, My my, I could never let you go."

He kneads the muscles in my arms. "Donna, please stop singing its very distracting."

"But I am so good at it." He goes to say something, but stops. I think he is beginning to learn.

His touch is like fire, his hands send flames up my back. Everywhere he starts the fire he quenches it with his lips. Fire and water that makes my nerve ending explode with pleasure.

He now starts to turn his attention to my neck and back. Some people would say his best feature is his brilliant mind, but after being around that for years I've become slightly jaded to it. Others would say it is his arms. True they are very nicely cut for a man in his age. But I love his hands. They touch me and they feel like they are apart of me.

He works on the knots in my neck and back, air escapes my mouth and I start to "mmmm" which grows and evolves into a moan. His hands, his body feels to perfect against mine. It makes me wish I wasn't wearing to tank top so I could really feel the sensation but having the barrier there makes it more… sensual? I like I have to wait and I am only getting small tastes of things to come. My moans grow slightly louder as he works my lower back.

"Donna?"

"Too distracting?"

"Yeah. But in a different way."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No, it's nice to hear you are enjoying it."

He moves lower and turns his attentions to, well, my behind. He kneads it and squeezes it.

"Are you enjoying groping my ass?"

"As a matter of fact I am."

He moves to my legs. Right then left. I almost never want this to end. It's the amount of surface area his covering with his fingers, unshielded by clothing. I stand by my early statement, I am in store for something amazing later on. He's so attentive, like he is learning every aspect of my body. When he gets to my feet, in a husky voice he asks me to roll over.

Now, if you have never had a _good_ foot massage you need to get one. Too much pressure can hurt or cause leg cramps but too little pressure tinkles. I hate having me feet tickled, it makes my legs spaz and I feel like an idiot. It's the reason why I hate getting a pedicure. But Josh is perfect at it, right amount of pressure, this I enjoy.

He shimmies up my leg. My eyes have been closed for a while, to drown out all other distractions, to focus simply on his touch, his breathing, his lips. I love everything about…

No more hand, no more rubbing. Why did he stop? He was working on my leg. And he stopped.

Oh God.

My leg.

My scars.

Say something. Anything. Remind him it isn't his fault. Does he think their ugly? Does he find me hideously disfigured? Stop panicking. Slow down your breathing.

"Donna. These aren't your only scars." His voice is filled with questions and uncertainty.

"Josh." I barely recognize my own voice. I stare only at the ceiling, afraid to shut my eyes and afraid to look at him. They start to sting and my cheeks are getting wet. The lump that was living in my throat for so long, makes itself at home again.

"Fulbright scholar my ass." He mutters with disgust. Disgust. Is it me? Oh god, is it? "These aren't your only scars." He repeats.

He moves his body along side my. His fingers making a path, never allowing air to separate his contact from mine. They stop under my breasts and draw a line, then between them, tracing my scars.

Mortification and anguish floods my face, heart and mind.

Do something, Donna. Make it stop.

"They're ugly. I don't want you to see them." Some how I choke out the words.

He draws himself up to me and tilts my head to look at him. His face, so kind and soft, filled with kindness, understanding and love. He voice echoes his face.

"Donnatella. Do you think you are the only one in the relationship with scars?"

He kisses me deeply, as if his mouth as trying to suck away all the pain. His hand leads mine to his chest. His scar. The gunshot, the surgery, his scar. Suddenly we both understand each other's shame, and insecurities. We comprehend each other more then anyone else. My brain screams I love you. But his mouth and tenderness say, I already know. We simply continue to kiss and relish in each other's arms.

Home this hotel room, in his arms. I am home.


	20. Chapter nineteen

Disclaimer's: not mine

Author's notes: Smut Alert! This chapter Donna makes her own discovery. Told from Josh's POV

* * *

She wakes me, kissing my neck, moaning my name, it's the best alarm clock I've already have. I used to hate the mornings; they meant I had to leave my sanctuary, my home in her arms. Today is different. Today is a new beginning of understanding. I, correction, we, had an epiphany last night. The mystery that is Donna Moss has been solved or at least a part of it.

My good mood is clearly evident and still lingering during the staff scheduling meeting. Matt questions me about it, my response, "I have solved one of the great mysteries of the world."

"I've always wondered about Bigfoot. Is it a really creature or just some guy in a suit? Logically it is probably some guy in a suit, but I like to think it is a real creature, something rear and amazing. Besides the Yeti is real and you can't screw around with the Yeti." I stare blankly at him.

"Sir, never repeat that. EVER." He rolls his eyes and we continue with the day.

My good mood is diminished when I see the Congressman call Donna into a room with the Secret Service. The letters are still greeting us in every hotel we stay in. The noose is getting tighter around her neck. The way she looked at me as she left, I got the distinct feeling there was a noose around my neck too.

I tried to block it out of my mind for now, swells of anger build and subside. I loath anyone who would try and hurt her, she is mine.

We part for a while separate functions. Donna's been working with the Helen a lot and with long term plans. The Santos Campaign has a relativity small staff but there have been days where I won't see her for like five hours. (Which is a very long time, once you have tasted her you can never go long without her. Five hours is really pushing the human limits.)

It isn't until around ten I see her, retired for the night. For the record I hate hotels, every hotel room in the US is the same, same crappy paintings, same ugly comforter, same stupid hangers that are nearly impossible to use, but what I more then anything is the stupid key cards that are even more impossible to use than the hangers. As I enter this hotel room, it's different, brighter, and happier. Home. Donna's here.

She's on the bed, not surprising, it is her turf. Tonight is different she isn't leaning against the headboard, but sitting the middle of the bed staring at something. Her eyes sole focused on whatever is in her hand.

"Donna?"

"Hey, how was your day?" She doesn't need to ask, she knows it was good. We went up in the pole three points and Matt took most of the staff out to dinner. Donna was left to hold the fort.

"Whatcha looking at?" I take off my jacket and put it on the impossible hanger. Tomorrow's suit is already hanging up. It's the little touches with Donna that shows she cares.

"Colin's pictures of Gaza." What? Why? Good mood crashing and burning. Why would she put herself through this? Why stir up all those emotions? Why can't we have one night where we don't have an emotional roller coaster?

"Why?" I manage to choke out.

"Come here for a minute." I sit on the bed with my back resting against the headboard, and I pull her back to my chest. This gives me perfect access to her neck. I press my head to hers, kissing her scull and avoiding the pictures all together. She knows what I am doing and moves her head out of my line of sight. There is it. Donna, my Donna, bleeding, glass embedded in her face. Her eyes are closed but hidden in the picture I can sense her suffering. Flames engulf the SUV, the image is so clear, I can almost smell the smoke and burning rubber. My arms tighten around her. Shielding her from what's in front of her, but knowing I can't.

Then she says the oddest thing. Donna, one of the many things I love about her, will spew the most random of things, reminding me, I will never fully understand her.

"I survived this."

Ok maybe not random, but certainly obvious.

"I know." What else could I say?

"I was the only survivor. The driver died two days after the accident."

"I know."

"Josh by all means, I should not be here now, but I am. You shouldn't be here either. You were shot in the chest. 14 hours of surgery saved your life. Neither of us should be here now. But we are." Her voice is filled with an excitement and wonder. She rolls away from my embrace and pulls me to the edge of the bed. "Do you know what this means? We are invincible."

"Well I don't think that is true."

"I am tried of living my life in fear, fear of sandals or injury. Josh, stand up." She starts to yank off my tie and unbutton my shirt. "Josh, can I see your scar?"

"You've already seen it." She changed my bandages plenty of times after the shooting.

"I need to see it healed. I need to know that everything will be ok." She carefully removes my shirt and pulls of my undershirt. So there I stand bare-chested in front of Donna. Her fingers trace the line of my scar, sending odd sensations up and down my spine. The scar tissue is still sensitive; it always was and will always be. It's hard to admit but I haven't been with a lot of women since the shooting. Amy hated the scar; she would never look at it or touch it. I wore it as a seal of shame, humiliated by it, and understanding every emotion Donna feels about hers.

Her lips moisten mine and catch me a little off guard. Her mouth makes her way down my neck and start to converge my impact scar which looks like a small crushed flower. I gasp with pleasure, unsure if she notices. She does and her hand moves down towards my pants.

"Donnatella?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?" I want all intentions to be clear, I hate hurting her, and seeing the fear in her eyes, I could stop now and take a cold shower and take care of myself if she needed me to.

Her tongue traces my scar and pioneers a path to my neck. She whispers, "Yes" and gives me The Look before kissing me again. My hands start at the bottom of her tank top and slowly move upwards, exposing more of her stomach. Her skin is cool and I am sure to warm it with my hands. I stop at the bottom of her breasts, unsure if she really wants me to go on. Her hands guide mine, my eyes transfixed on hers, breaking contact only when the tank top rises over her head.

I want to look down, I want to touch and see. But I am respectful and wait for permission from her eyes. She smiles sensing my anticipation; her eyes are still riddled with fear.

My scars are old, now they seem like they've been there my whole life, I have accepted them but never really expected anyone else to. Our eyes speak to each other, without words I say, "Donnatella, I understand." Her eyes say; "I do too."

I look down, my hands still on her sides. There they are two small, thin scars. One between her breasts, another in just underneath her breasts. Some times I don't know what women see when they look in the mirror. She sees disfiguration, I see a second chance.

"They're cute."

"Cute?" She repeats, with a bizarre combination of confusion, frustration, and disgust. Maybe cute was the wrong word. I smile, making sure my dimples are in full force rephrase my statement.

"The scars, they're small and perfect. Everything I am looking at is magnificent. Donna, you are glorious and breathtaking. Looking at you makes me need so much more. I…" Her mouth comes crashing into mine, tongue searching and dancing with mine. Our bare chest press against each other, her heat blending with mine. I guide her back to the bed.

My hands survey her, holding her. She guides my hands over her breasts; I take it as a sign its ok to touch. Our mouths warm and wet continue their own forms of exploration. I break away from her mouth and focus attention on her neck, while my hands cup and massage her breasts. She moans, completely different from last night, throaty, husky. Last night she was playful, tonight passionate. My lips wrap around her nipple and her hand moves closer to my mouth, she back arches ever so slightly. Her moans, it's all I can think about, they ring in my ears, linger there, and haunts my brain.

She moves my hand again. My mouth follows suit. I love her stomach and spend quite a long time kissing and sucking it. She touches the elastic on her underwear; my fingers follow the same path. I like the fact she isn't wearing something lacy or frilly, whatever this material is, its soft and smooth and feels… neat. Neat? I am such a loser.

My fingers trace the outline of her underwear, string bikini I should add. I stay at the top and slowly moving towards her inner thigh and working down. I can feel her heat through this very thin layer of fabric. She moans again and her hips move ever so slightly. My fingers start to barely rub when she speaks.

"Joshua." Fear builds in my stomach.

"Yes, Donnatella."

"Forget all the rules." Green light. GO!

I slowly remove her underwear, much to her frustration. We make eye contact. Lust, desire, both of our eyes say the same thing: I need you.

I kiss her, hungrily, my fingers exploring her, she grinds against my hand, I tease her, and she wants more. She bites at my ear and sends slivers down my spine. I am becoming alarming aware my pants are getting far too small. I kiss her again and pull away, leave more space between us then I would like. She bites her lip and I disappear between her legs.

My fingers then my mouth explore, pink, soft, smooth, wet. She moans my name. I moan back. Sucking, tongue flittering, I insert my middle finger, feeling, searching. Found it!

She arches her back again, her hands moves across her body and run through her hair. Her breathing deep, but I don't think she is really getting oxygen. Hell, even I am getting light headed. Her muscles start to clench my fingers. She cries out my name, tension, flooding, and relaxation. I stay there a few seconds longer, to tease and watch her buck. I look up to see a new smile, satisfied, peaceful and all mine. Her eyes are closed, her face and chest blushed. Her eyes open, she looks at me.

She pounces. Really pounces. I am not sure how my pants come off, but they do. There goes my boxers. Her mouth is around me, her head… Oh god I can't even think. She moans and god damn it feels good.

I stiffen, I wish I could concentrate, but pleasure is exploding in my mind. Colors are all I think, colors, red, and pink. I know I am moaning but I can't control, did I just say something? I hope not. Tension, Relax. She leaves a quivering mass of nothing.

She also leaves the bed for a few seconds. I'm glad she doesn't lead me on, I hate it when women make you think you are getting one thing, then change their minds three months into it. She stands in the bathroom doorway.

"Donna. You are a stunning vision, one unlike I have ever seen." I am not sure if I thought that in my head or said it aloud.

She crawls into bed with me, under the covers.

"Next time we should make love." She whispers in my ear.

"Now?"

"No not now."

"Good because I can't move." She has rendered me useless and paralyzed.

"Josh, you ruined me for all other men." I smirk

"I know."


	21. Chapter twenty

Disclaimers: Same as before

My notes: Big changes to come. I am not sure if the mood is right. I wanted something tramatic to happen amoungst all this playful romance. Donna's a little cranky during this chapter. Told from Josh and Donna's POV.

I would like to thank everyone who has been leaving feedback. It is the highlight of my day to check my e-mail and find your feedback. It is WAY better then all that spam and penis enlargement e-mails I always get. :-) Thank you again. Big events are on the way, just hold tight.

Then Everything Changed

Chapter 20

* * *

It has come to the attention of our co-workers that we are in a ridiculously good mood in the mornings, and far too eager to get to bed at night. While we have tried our very best to keep it private, I don't grab her ass during meetings or anything, I think others have figured out what is going on. Will doesn't seem as flirty with her and Helen keeps looking at me funny. But all of those things I can ignore, because tonight I am going to make love to Donna Moss. She said next time. Tonight is next time. I am getting some wine and roses and Godiva she loves that stuff. Tonight, just a few hours… 

"Ladies and Gentleman we need to start traveling more at night."

What? Did the world just collapse in on itself?

"We are going to travel by bus for the next few nights; we need to start covering more ground in the Midwest." Ronna announced. I grab Matt when I get a second.

"Um. Congressmen can I talk to you."

"What is it Josh?"

"I know we need to cover more ground but do you think it is wise to start traveling at night?"

"It wasn't my call. It's Donna and the letters." I feel sick, vomit fills my throat, swallowing it back down makes it tastes even better. "Secret Service needs us moving more. Sorry. I know you too are a couple now, but it is her safety."

* * *

Two days of bus tours, speeches, make-out session in various locations all leave me frustrated and grumpy. Sleeping on buses, wow, talk about comfort. To recline from a 90 degree angle to a 95 degree angle. Welcome to Comfortville, population: Me. 

It's 1:37 am and Josh's head is killing my shoulder. He's been out cold for the past 20 minutes, honestly neither one of us have slept. I keep fading between that sleep and conscious state, where weird images pop into your mind but you can still control them. Currently I have a cat wearing a tux doing the Cha-Cha with a hamster. This is when the bus comes to a grinding halt. Josh wakes up from his nap, even crankier then before he started.

"What the hell is going on?"

"The bus stopped."

"Why?"

"It stopped moving."

"I can see that."

Josh, Will, and Matt get up and start to look at the engine of the bus. Well, that's not true; first it takes them ten minutes to figure out the latch. True these men are very smart, however none of them know a single thing about cars, it is a power struggle to prove who the bigger man is. I should also note the bus driver, Carl has already called Triple A.

"I suppose you know you took a class in bus repair at Harvard?" I sigh as I start to walk down the street.

"Where are you going?"

"I am going to the Holiday Inn a mile down the road. I am sleeping in a bed tonight and I am when I wake up I will be less bitchy, any one who likes wants in can follow me. I'll get rooms for everyone, if I can." Jackson warns me he doesn't like this one bit. I tell him in not the nicest of terms to deal with it.

Matt and Josh are carrying the kids, I am forced to lug my luggage and Josh's too. After a lengthily debate with the hotel receptionist, I mange to get ten rooms for the staff. By 2:56 my head is resting on a pillow and Josh's arm is resting around my waist.

"Hey Donna, you wanna…"

"Not a chance in hell."

Honestly it is best I felt in days, comfortable, home. My mind returns to the cat and hamster dance and finally Morpheus enters my head.

3:48 the door begins to quake and the Secret Service comes crashing into the room.

"Ms. Moss! Mr. Lyman, you have to get up now." Jackson's arms rip me from the bed. Steven the second agent grabs Josh.

They rush us down the hall into a room, where the Santos clan, Will, Bram and Ronna are waiting. Will looks like he is sleeping on his feet. Josh is shaken by the rude awakening but doesn't question it. That's the difference between people who worked in the West Wing and people who don't: crisis becomes a normal part of your day, and you don't become phased by it.

This is a crash. The campaign has never had one, but it was nearly a daily event at the White House. A crash is a crash, nothing to panic about. Ronna, Bram and the others are just going to have to get used to it. The Santos children are still sleeping. I could make a snide comment about them sleeping through a crash, but I am too tired to even think about it.

We congregate into groups, girls verse boys. No one mentions the fact that Josh and I came in together, but at 4:00 am in the morning I don't think they care.

"What's going on?" Ronna's voice quivers.

"It's a crash. It's nothing."

"What triggers a crash?"

"A security breech," I answer as causally as I can. I keep my eye on Jackson, he is trying to keep cool, but there is a terror in his eyes that is hard to hide.

Helen starts to giggle as she glances around the room. I start as well when I realize why she laughing.

"What's so funny?" Josh asks in his sleepiest voice. God I love that voice.

With a blend of exhaustion, fear and social awkwardness, Helen blurts out "Will has ducks on his boxers."

"Seriously Will, I think you really need to talk to someone about this bizarre infatuation you have with the mallard." I laugh, trying to break any tension in the room. None of us would feel nearly as vulnerable if we weren't in our standing in an empty room in our underwear.

"You talk a lot of smack, for someone wearing the world's shortest shorts!" Will barks back.

"It's my underwear, your fool." My Victoria's Secret boycut panties with matching cami, but he doesn't need to know all that.

"Oh God!" Matt cries and starts to stare at his feet, years of marriage have trained him well.

"Women's underwear comes like that now?" Will's voice squeaks.

"Been a while, Will?" Josh smirks, coming slightly more awake.

"You should talk, Lyman." Now its mine turns to smirk. It's really very sad when _my_ sex life is considered to be the activity one. Will eyes feel like they are piercing though my lack of clothing.

"JACKSON!" Josh bellows and I suddenly I am whacked in the head with Jackson's blazer. Both of them have a slightly over protective nature.

Jackson talks into his ear piece. "The package is on the move."

"Hey, Jackson, what's going on?" Santos' asks head still down. Will starts walking over to the window.

"Hey the police are here."

"Mr. Bailey get away from the window. NOW!"

I saw it before I heard it. T

he flash of light, then flames, the ear piecing sound came later, seconds later. I saw the flash and felt the heat.

There was no logical way I could feel the heat, the explosion was nearly 500 feet away through glass at the far end of the parking lot. It wasn't that heat I felt, it was the heat from the SVU nearly a year ago.

Josh heard it first, he would. He didn't hear the explosion, but a symphony.

To be clear, it wasn't a large fire, or explosion. There wasn't a mushroom cloud or anything like that. But if an unsuspecting someone opened the box, that unsuspecting person would be dead.

No one speaks. Everyone lost in their own thoughts. Silence fills the air as the fire puts itself out.

Josh falls to his knees, shaking.

Matt was the first to speak, "Who? What?" It wasn't a very coherent sentence.

Jackson has the answers and the burden to relay them.

"Donna got another letter."

"But the bus broke down, how did they know where to send the letter?" Will's voice quivered.

Jackson doesn't answer the question, just looks towards were the fire once was. "There was a package address to her as well. No one saw who left it or knows when it was dropped off."

Someone really wants me dead.

But I am so nice.

I am really nice.

Josh.

Will

Helen

Matt

Josh

They are in danger. I should leave. I should run. But I can't seem to move.

I don't know or when I fell to the floor. I don't know who is rubbing my shoulder, it isn't Josh or Will, neither of them have moved from their spot.

Ha, we are supposed to be prepared for this stuff, this should even faze us. In a crisis we are the ones the others turn to. Now we are all useless.

Useless.

We are the most powerful people in the country.

People live and die on our ideas, words, and suggestions.

Tonight, we are ineffectual.

Once when I was a kid my father took me hunting. I wasn't a girly girl but I hated every minute of this outing. It was cold and rainy, I was hungry and my legs hurt. But all those inconvenience were nothing compared to the feeling I had in my stomach. The ache of … well it's hard to explain. It felt like we are superior to whatever animal we were hunting, deer, I think. It didn't seem right, we had guns and they had whatever nature and evolution had blessed them with. We knew we were out for them, they didn't know it. They were just going along in the day, eating grass, sniffing stuff, sleeping and then my father shot them.

Tonight, I was the deer.

I don't know how long we were standing there. Eventually, we get the all clear and were able to go back to the rooms.

Josh doesn't even touch me the entire way. He walks into the room, either saying a word or looking up.

Jackson keeps me in the hallway for a second. "Ms. Moss it is my job to keep you safe. I will not let this guy hurt you." I thank him and return his jacket.

The room is dark Josh is sitting on the bed, his elbows on his legs, his head resting in his hands. He's rocking slowly back and forth.

"Josh?"

Silence. I don't know if he hears me or the symphony ringing in his head.

"Josh." I repeat, slowly making my way towards him.

Currently I am numb, devoid of all emotions, just going through the motions. I'll deal with all of this later, alone. He doesn't need my burden as well. He's drowning in his own emotions for now. I am watching them consume him.

"Joshua." I repeat one last time bending before him, resting my weight on the balls of my feet and his knees.

For the first time he looks at me since the incident. I can't possibly imagine what horrors are lurking in his head: Fire Joanie's death. Explosion Rosslyn Bomb Gaza.

Nearly every terror for him wrapped conveniently in one motion.

"Everything's fine." _These_ are the words of inspiration I choose, everything is not fine.

"Donna, it was so close."

"I know." He looks at me curiously.

"I can't lose you."

"I won't let you." I smile at him, and gently kiss him.

"Someone's trying to hurt you." He sounds so desperate and petrified.

'That is the reason I have Jackson and three other agents." Logic first, he responds well to it, then emotions. "I have you too. You will protect me, it the whole reason you started sleeping with me."

A faint smile crosses his lips, "Nah, I just wanted to cop a feel in the middle of the night."

Mischievously I answer back, "I know." He is reassured, if only in a minimum way. Funny how something so playful, coy could change so quickly.

We embrace, hot lips meet, tongues dance. Frustration, fear, melt away leaving only passion. Our bodies warm each other, kissing any stops to move to other parts of the body, neck, ears, and breasts. Everything feels perfect; he runs his fingers through my hair and moans my name. I must have blinked or been preoccupied with all the touching and the kissing I failed to notice we are both currently naked.

"Donnatella, I lo." My lips cut him off. One other man has told me he loved me. He lied. He also would only tell me while he was screwing me. In my heart I know Josh is nothing like Kevin but my brain just won't let him say the words. I have waited so long to hear them, I don't want them tainted by sex.

"Don't say it.." His eyes are filled with a pain I seen before, he's wanted to say this to me, and I am forcing him to wait.

"I am not making love to you until I say it."

"Don't tell me now. Wait find a better moment. The perfect moment. I've waited years to hear it, to say it back to you. I can wait a little longer."

"But." He fingers continue to start at my scalp and work down to the tips, and end stroking my face. Have I mentioned how much I love his hands?

"Joshua, I know how you feel and for now, this moment, it is enough." I hope my words make sense; I can only pray he understands.

"Donnatella, I know too."

These are the words we speak before we make love for the first time. I am not one for details, but you know how the first times are awkward and clumsy? This wasn't. We knew each other, how to move with other motions, how to make the other feel the pleasure longer. Josh Lyman is the best lover ever. Since the dawn of time till the end of time, he will retain his title.


	22. Chapter twenty one

Disclaimer: Same as before

Author's notes: This chapter is very dialogue heavy, but it does contain one of my original ideas for the story. There has been a lack of Ned and Bram in the story, mostly because I keep forgetting them, hense the joke later in the chapter. Enjoy this chapter.

* * *

So after a long day and very little sleep, we wait for the final event of the day. Both Leo and Matt are given speeches at a black tie fundraiser here in the city of brotherly love. We are in a holding room, one of the nicer ones I've been in. It's me, Leo, Matt, Will, Bram and Ned, milling around. The women are coming a little later, after Helen's speech and they get their nails done or something. This is the campaign's first black tie event, so all non West Wingers are excited. 

To pass the time I decide to call Toby. I hold my martini, but it's really just for show. My feet are resting on the 18th century coffee table, waiting for Donna to come here and tie my bowtie.

"Toby, my friend I have wonderful news."

"What Josh, I am in the middle of something here."

"I am in love with Donna."

"I know." He knew? How could he know? I didn't tell anyone.

"Toby I just made a major discovery here, some enthusiasm would be nice."

"You just figure it out? Seriously?"

"Well. No. But you should be excited for me."

"Yay" (very flat and lackluster display) "What more do you want from me?"

"TOBY I AM IN LOVE WITH DONNA! I AM GOING TO CONFESS MY UNDYING LOVE TO HER TODAY."

"AND I AM TELLING YOU, I READY KNOW!"

"How? Did she tell you?"

"You've been in love with her for years. Everyone knows it. CJ, Charlie, Will, Leo, the President, all the Secret Service, the Senate, the House, everyone in the press corp. EVERY BODY KNOWS!"

"Then why the hell didn't someone tell me?"

"WE THOUGHT YOU KNEW! Hell, I thought you were going to comeback from Germany engaged. I lost fifty dollars on that one."

"Engaged?" I choke out.

"Listen I am going to give you some advice. Don't hurt her."

"I would never do that."

"I am serious."

"So am I"

"She's the best of all of us. Josh, I will crush you if she sheds one tear on your behalf. And I am the least of your problems. CJ will castrate you and Sam, well I won't go into any details but it isn't pretty."

"Gee thanks for your vote of confidence."

"Just setting the record straight." Silence filled the conversation.

"I love her, Toby."

"Congratulations." He hangs up the phone.

"Hey Will, guess what?"

"You love Donna?"

"Yep."

"Five hours ago it was endearing. Four hours ago it was cute. Three hours ago it is sweet. Now it's annoying so shut-up."

"Isn't your date with Kate tomorrow?"

"Kate Harper?" Leo questions. Leo arrived here this morning, he is sticking around tonight and flying back to DC with us in the morning. "She's out of your league."

"Donna's out of Josh's league and you aren't giving him a hard time."

"Yeah but Kate is WAY out of your league."

"I have a plan: I am not going to tell her." Will's confession of his little plan does not go as he expected.

"She created Peace in the Middle East. She stopped the US from invading Canada. You think that she isn't going to notice?" Leo is now just a little outraged.

"That's what I am hoping."

"Good luck with that one."

I get up and start to pace around the room. Waiting and I do not get along.

"Your bow tie isn't tied." Ned points out.

"I know."

"Josh, is the reason why we haven't done any black tie events because Donna wasn't here to tie your bow tie?"

"You know what, Ned, you aren't aloud to talk any more."

"That's fine, I don't talk all that much to begin with."

"And I am eye candy," States Bram. I roll my eyes and lean against the far wall, waiting for Donna to come. You know because staring at the door will make it open. Hey it's opening. Maybe I have psychic powers.

Helen is the first to enter, she looks nice, but not enough discuss. Ronna's next to enter, again I don't care how she looks. Donna finally enters, with Jackson in tow. "CJ I have to go." She hangs up the phone. "Wow don't you guys look fancy!" The room gets brighter with her smile.

I have seen Donna at her best and at her worse. I have seen her in nearly 30 different dresses. This one blows them all away. It is a soft peach color with that silkily see through stuff, over the dress. Her hair is up in some fancy style, with little wisps infront of her face. She is radiant, and I feel like I've fallen in love with her all over again. Ill sweep her in my arms and kiss her fervently I'll..

"OWWW" Sharp pain fills me knee. Fire shoots up my spinal cord. Everyone stops.

"Who the hell puts a coffee table there?" I hate this stupid coffee table. Damn you.

"A coffee table in the middle of a room, near two chairs and a couch? Someone must stop this insane interior designer." Will chuckles.

"JOSH!" Donna crosses the room to come to my aid. "Go get some ice." She commands Will, who shrugs and takes his time walking over to the bar.

Matt is cracking up.

"I am sorry, I laugh whenever someone hurts themselves."

Jackson's voice follows suit. "I laugh whenever someone makes an ass out of themselves."

My sweet protective Donna glares at him. "What happened?" She turns her attention to me. My god she is beautiful, I am lost in very aspect of her being.

"Um, I thought there was a dog." A DOG? WHAT DO I SAY THINGS LIKE THAT? The rest of the room erupts in laughter.

"A dog?" She is trying so hard not to laugh in my face, her shoulder start to shakes a little bit.

"Um yeah, I thought that picture over there was a dog."

"The one of George Washington?"

"Um he looked like a poodle."

The room's laugher raises a decimal. The only thing worse then feeling like an ass is the tremendous amount of pain shooting through my leg. Will hands Donna the ice and she lifts my pant leg up to see the damage. A deep indentation on at my knee, a small cut starts to bleed. I promptly look away.

Finally Leo saves me. "I think we should get going, the Congressmen and I have speeches to give." Donna defiant stare at Leo takes me back, she was so sweet and concerned a second ago. "Donna, I am sure we are leaving him in good hands."

"Yes, Leo." Did the room just get a little colder?

Everyone walks out, leaving us and Jackson.

"Jackson can you give us the room?"

"Sure thing Ms. Moss. Try not the let the ottoman give you any lip Mr. Lyman."

She presses the ice to my wound, God ice is cold. Really how did I get a 760 on my SAT? Ice is cold. Come on.

There is a complex explosion of sensations on my leg, the intense pain, the bitter ice and the fire touch of Donna's hand. I prop my leg back on to the coffee table from hell.

"Donna, you look amazing." She blushes a little and we make eye contact, her smile is melting the ice.

"Thank you. You look very James Bond, yourself."

"I sure James Bond never got his ass handed to him by a coffee table." Her laugher fills the room.

She turns away from my gaze and focuses her attention back on the ice. "Josh, I need to talk to you about something."

The list of things this could be is endless: the explosion last night, our undying love, our unborn children we are going to have in a few years, the election, where are we going to spend the holidays.

"Anything."

"Ronna and I were talking while we were getting our nails done." Instinctively I look down at the nails, peach and matching the dress. "She mentioned she thought it was amazing how forgiving you are."

"Well, I am pretty amazing."

"A poodle?"

"It was the wig."

"Anyway, she was saying that you were very forgiving, she um implied that, maybe, you wouldn't forgive me because…."

"Donna, get to the point."

"Did I cost you Chief of Staff?"

"What?"

"Did you get passed over Chief of Staff because of me?" I was not expecting this. She's always throwing me curve balls. I could sugar coat it, I could gloss over it, there is a lot of things I say or do, but instead I tell her the truth.

"Yes." She bits her lower lip, pools of tears begin to form in her eyes, and her forehead creases. "Leo made the right call. If given the choice between running the country and taking care of you, I would have chosen you. Sure it stung my ego, but if I was Chief of Staff, we never would have happened. It's been a crazy few months but I wouldn't change it for anything."

She blinks and the tears run down her face, I quickly wipe them away so she wouldn't mess up her make-up. "How could Leo do this to you? Why would he ask me to… wait did you say you would choose me over the country?" Her shame shadowed by the new enlightenment.

I am smiling so much my cheeks are staring to get sore. "Yep. Do you know why?"

"For the reason you won't tell me now?"

"Why can't I tell you now?"

"Does your knee still hurt?"

"Yes."

"Do you still feel like an ass?"

"Yes."

"Then it isn't the perfect moment now is it?"

"Well, then don't eat too much tonight. I am taking you out to a very upscale super posh restaurant, where they have a chocolate moose thing that you can eat the bowl, and I am going to tell you there."

"Really?"

"I even made the reservation myself."

"REALLY?" She doesn't need to sound so shocked. Sure Will helped me pick out the place and Matt found the phone number, but I called.

"That's the sort of stuff I do."

"So, your not mad at me? I made you lose Chief of Staff and then I walked out on you?"

"It hurt, I needed to lick my wounds, but what we have now is so much better then what we would have had at the White House. Donnatella, the minute you grabbed my hand and asked me to stay was the minute I forgot all that pain."

She ties my bow tie without being instructed to. No one but Donna can tie this for me. When ever someone else does this, I feel like I am choking.

She rolls on top of me, kissing me. My hands support her, well, really they are touching her thighs, thanks to the uber sexy slits on her dress.

We continue to kiss and touch for a while, we've missed all of Santos' speech. She pulls away before it gets to hot and heavy, which logically I don't blame her for, but physically it is going to take me a few minutes before I can walk in public.

She pulls a band aid from her purse, and explains she has to keep them with her, "Strappy shoes." I guess they hurt her feet or something. She removes the ice. My leg is burning cold and she breathes on my gaping wound sending freezing heat waves over my body.

Yeah, it's going to take me a few minutes to leave here. She gets up to leave, to work to party and raise lots of money. She lingers in the door way, waiting for one of us to say something. Last night she said she knew what I was feeling and therefore I didn't have to say it, so instead I say:

"Donnatella, I know you."

"I know you too, Joshua." When she leaves I am left with my afterglow. Tonight will be the best night of my life.


	23. Chapter twenty two

Disclaimers: Same as before.

Author's notes: I don't know if people read this. I don't know if you guys care, but I like writing them and for this chapter it feels necessary. The original idea for this story started here in this chapter, so keep this in mind. I was a little tired of stories that Josh and Donna just fell into bed together, theirs is a complex relationship and I wanted it told, even with my feeble attempts to express it.

With that being said, I hate reading stories where bad things happen to these two endearing characters. But now that I am writing a story it seems only natural, both of their lives are filled with tragedy. So this next chapter marks a HUGE change in the story. For those of you who are in it for the Josh and Donna love story, (and if I was a reader, that's what I would be in it for) please bear with the tale a little longer. You will be greatly rewarded. Please don't hate me.

Then Everything Changed

Chapter 22

* * *

There are moments in your life you know your life will be forever altered. The minute you propose and she says yes. The minute you find out she's pregnant. The minute you learn about the death of your father. Those are the life defining minutes. Sometimes you have life defining hours, like when the deputy Chief of Staff knocks on your door and asks you to run for president.

Tonight I had a life changing hour. In one hour, I lost my wife, my best friend, and my best employee. In second I lost all my dignity, honor and self respect. I seized the check.

We were at the Philadelphia's Sons for Tomorrow Dinner. The best and the brightest on the East Coast show up for this one. Money has always been an issue, and with staffing growing at an enormous rate, we needed cash in hand. Sure we made some money in California, but this one, if done right; we wouldn't need to do any more ass kiss to rich white men for a while. We could focus back on the issues. Our game faces were on.

Donna had missed all of my speech, Josh was lagging behind. I saw her speaking to Will and Leo, neither who looked comfortable with what they were talking about. Now I know what they were asking her to do. Now I understand their discomfort. Discomfort, what they were asking was despicable, discomfort should be an understatement. I am sickened to say it wasn't.

I didn't think much of it. She walked off and I continued to talk with some pharisaical CEOs. In fact I didn't even notice she was gone. I didn't even notice.

Helen was beside me, feigning interest in what these people were saying, but her thoughts were in up state New York, where we dropped the boys off for summer camp for the next two weeks. My thoughts were with them too, feeling guilty I didn't spend as much time with them and vowing next time I would. It's the same vow I make every time they leave me.

Then everything changed.

I didn't think much of Bram talking to Josh. But the red flag went up when all the blood rushed out of his face. He was across the room and running, well limping very fast towards me.

His eyes: "Did you know?"

Mine: "Know what?'

Bram lead the way, Josh and I follow, gaining Will along the way. No one spokes. The air around us was tense; the others seemed to know what is going on. I was the only one out of the loop.

We went through a long corridor where we saw Jackson and Steven outside a door.

"Open the fucking door." Josh spit.

Nothing could have prepared me for this sight. I knew both people in the room. I knew what was going on. But it took a few seconds to process.

Justin Hall, heir to one of the largest fortunes in media. His family owns nearly television networks, fifteen websites and seven new magazines. Justin Hall is a rapist. The only reason he's been able to say out of jail is the fact that he is the heir to one of the largest fortunes in media. He bought off all of his victims with huge lumps of money. Eight years ago he was at a fund raiser like this, and had his way with an intern. I didn't know he was going to be here. I never would have brought Helen here if I had known.

I should also mention, he has a affinity for blonds.

The other person in the room was Donna Moss.

He did not even look up. His mouth was firmly pressed against hers. One hand was squeezing tightly against her left breast, holding her in place. I couldn't see his other hand, but I was pretty sure it is up her dress. One of the straps to her dress was torn.

My God, if we had gotten here five minutes later.

But Josh didn't see any of that. He did not see where his hands were placed or her torn dress. He couldn't think in "what if's" and "five minutes into the future." He just saw Donna's lips on another man's. That image was being brunt into his brain.

He walked over; fist clenched and yanked Donna out of Justin's arms. I wanted Josh to beat the shit out of the guy. Hell, I wanted to do it myself. But he just stared at her, but not seeing her at all.

From this point one I should say everything happened very fast.

"We are leaving." He commanded.

Justin hissed. "Wait, don't forget your check." Will grabbed the check.

That bears repeating. Will walked across the room, throw his coat over Donna and took the check.

We rushed out of the room. Jackson cried, "Maple leaf is on the move."

Helen ran down the hallway, saw the huddle mass of Donna Moss, the statue of Josh Lyman, and Will handing me the check. She also saw me placing the check in my breast pocket. There was an expression on my wife's face, I had never seen before, not in all the years of marriage, and dating, it was a blend of horror and disappointment.

We all walked out of the building using back corridors and hallways. Bram stayed behind to tell Leo and the others where we were, it would be their job to keep up appearances.

Donna got into the car with Helen and me. Josh and Will rode alone in the other one. It was in the absence of light in the car ride home I really looked at Donna. She was brave, but shaking. Her whole body was quivering gel. Helen rubbed Donna's back and told her everything was going to be ok. That seems like the standard thing to say when ever something goes wrong. In my life I have rarely seen everything turn out ok.

It was the longest car ride of my life and it was only three miles.

Jackson helped Donna out of the car. Helen supported her as well. She stood in the hotel lobby waiting for Josh. I know this was a mistake. I wanted to tell her so. But the words never left my lips.

Josh and Will arrived. Will emerged from the car with a bloody lip. Good Job Josh.

Josh and Donna walked in silence to the elevator.

Will walked to the hotel bar.

Helen turned to me, "Do not say a word to me."

"But Helen."

"You are speaking. I am going to the room and I am going to pack. Do not come up after me. Do not try to talk me out of it. Do not try to be the hero and with one sweeping romantic gesture hope everything will change. Because it will not. Sometimes I look at you and I can't recognize you any more, Mathew. Ask yourself how much are you willing to give up to be president? How much are you willing to lose?"

She stalked away. I was left standing in the hotel lobby. Josh came back down and declared he was going for a walk.

"Take an agent."

"No I need to be alone."

"Josh, you **are** taking an agent."

"Why should I?"

"You've been getting letters too." I snapped back. There are no more emotions for him to feel. He just turned around and Steven walked with him.

I don't know how long I was sitting in the lobby, staring at the tiles, when a pair of feet interrupted my concentration.

"Matt, I am leaving. Donna's quitting."

"What?"

"I am taking a red eye back to Houston. I'll call you when I get there. Right now I can't look at you. And quite frankly I don't know when I will be able to. Good bye."

I called out in the last act of desperation, "Helen, I love you."

"I know," was all she said.

I walked into the bar, and gazed at Will Bailey. "What?" He spits.

"Don't speak to me right now Will."

"What like this is my fault? Like I sent her in there? Like I was supposed to keep time but got distracted. Well, that **IS** my fault. But your wife leaving you, that isn't my fault."

"I beg to differ, Bailey."

"Your wife isn't leaving you because of what happened to Donna. And Donna isn't quitting because of what happened to her. Your wife left because the check is still in your coat pocket. And Donna is leaving for whatever stupid thing Josh said to her, which he presumably did say."

What stung the most was that he was right. It was easier to blame Will for everything, but I too had a large part in this disaster.

Here I am, one hour later sitting in a hotel bar, with a drunk and bleeding Will Bailey to my left. A barely recognizable Josh Lyman just entered the bar. . There are five agents who want to kick my ass. And I still have the check, burning my heart, in my pocket.

It's funny how one moment will change your life forever.


	24. Chapter twenty three

Disclaimer: Not mine

Author's note: Are you still with me? This chapter recounts the event the rest of the night. It is told from Donna's POV, Jackson's POV, Josh's POV and Toby's POV.

I thought it would be less painful to tell it in one continuous chapter then as each section getting his or her own chapter. Each of the stories connects together.

* * *

The events of the last hour leave me shaken and lost. Questions fill my mind, did Will and Leo know what they were doing when the sent me in there? How will Josh react? Should I go to the police? Would anyone believe me? How can I continue to work here? How many people know?

I stand shivering in the Hotel lobby waiting for my Josh to comfort me, to tell me everything will be ok.

God, I don't think I have ever seen him look so angry. Why is Will bleeding?

We walk in silence to the elevator, Jackson following behind. Silence, tension, thick air surrounds us.

Bing

The elevator opens its door. It's just us, we are finally alone from prying eyes. I crash into his chest, whimpering and sniffing. Please Josh, say kind words to me, and make me feel better. Take away all my pain. Hold me, kiss me, and tell me you still love me.

He is so stoic, unmoving. His arms aren't even around me. Why aren't you holding me?

"Did you like the way he tasted?" I left my head from his chest, everything is ridged, his face cold, his eyes unrecognizable.

"What?" I whisper.

"Did you like the way he tasted? Is that the way you raised all the money for Russell?" Who is this man? This is not my Joshua.

"Josh?"

"Did you **whore** yourself to all the contributors? What was the deal? Three million for a kiss? Five million for a blow job? Hell, Donna you didn't you just fuck him? We could have been sitting pretty of the rest of the Campaign."

My brain freeze. I think my heart stopped. My knees stopped working and I brace myself on the elevator wall. He called me a whore. Josh Lyman called me a whore.

How could he do that? He loves me, right. Didn't he see? Didn't he understand what was happening? I should retaliate. I should yell at him. But the words are caged in my throat.

"Well, Donna you sure have left scars on this relationship." The doors open up.

Scars. Scars. "You son of a bitch." I hiss out. He stays in the elevator. I hear Jackson say something, but everything is fuzzy and hard to focus. My hands are shaking and I can't get my card into the slot. I keep missing by fractions of inches.

How could he say that to me? Why would he do that? Scars, whore, fuck, these aren't words Josh says, not to me.

How long have I been standing here? Jackson guides my keycard and opens the door.

"Ms. Moss, I am sorry, I failed you." He whispers.

"It wasn't you who failed me, Jackson, it was everyone else."

I sit on the bed, encased in darkness. My brain flashes over every image over the day. In slow motion it plays then events that happen in the room. Even slower I hear Josh's words. His spiteful, hateful words, they choke me, stab me, and hurt me far worse then that monster did.

God I can still feel his hands, his mouth. I am dirty and tainted. No wonder why Josh hates me. I am disgusting.

I wallow in my shame, for I don't know how long, when there is a knock at the door. Josh? Will? Are they here for more attacks? An apology?

"Donna, it's Helen."

I open the door. She's changed out of her formal wear, I haven't. "I am leaving."

"I am quitting."

"Good."

Silence. Women are creatures of words, we fight with words, we comfort with words, we heal with words. But the times when words aren't enough, that is when we shine.

She embraces me. We are sisters, sisters in arms, fighting the same good fight. We fought to get a good man elected. Now we fight for something else. Our dignity, our relationships. Sometimes, when you are a warrior, you need to retreat, get a new barring, create a new strategy.

She does want to speak; I know what she wants to say. Her eyes say it all, "If you need anything, I'll come."

My eyes: "Thank you."

She leaves and once again I am alone. Back to the bed, that is my spot. I start to pull the bobby pins out of my hair, one by one, its slow and tedious, but it keeps my mind off of everything else.

I need a job. I can't work here, not with these people not with the people who could hurt me like this.

I am forced to make the hardest phone call of my life.

"Margaret, can I talk to CJ?" Hold it together Donna, you can do this. But the familiarity of her voice, the kindness, unknowing of the events that have occurred. Knowing full well I am going to have to explain it to her. It is a tsunami of tears, uncontrollable. She tells me to slow down, but I can't. Her questions are slow, not prying, but trying to comprehend the events of the night.

"CJ, can I come home?" I beg between my tears.

"Of course you can, honey."

"One more thing, I don't want the President to introduce Santos tomorrow during the speech."

"Done."

"Thank you."

Tears still soaking my skin, and with the last bobby pin released from my hair I walk into the bathroom to wash the horror from my body. I see myself for the first time. My dress is torn, my faces is red and blotchy, the bruising has already started on my arms, and my thighs. I let the dress fall with out much effort. Scars. My scars. He said I was beautiful, he said they were "cute", he lied.

I fall to the cold bathroom floor, sobbing until my stomach hurts, until the tears couldn't come any more.

He's worse the Kevin. Kevin, I knew was a snake, Josh hid his true colors and he did a marvelous job of it, it a tough charade to keep up for eight years.

I cry for all that I lost, the life that will never be, my career, a husband and family.

Never have I felt so alone.

* * *

My name is Charles Micheal Jackson. No one knows my middle name and to avoid a lifetime of jokes I am going to keep it that way.

Everyone calls me Jackson. I have been an agent for the Secret Service for nearly ten years. I have served for three administrations (Baker's administration for 60 hours). I must say the Bartlet Administration is my favorite. Jed Bartlet is a good man and it was an honor and a privilege to serve him.

But it was his staff that I like to watch, their interactions were unlike anything I had every seen. They were family. Charlie Young's interaction with the President, Toby Zeiger's brotherly conversations with Josh Lyman and Sam Seaborn, the lectures CJ Cregg would give Donna Moss gave me insight to the female mind.

But there was one couple that amazed me, and all the other agents. Donna Moss and Josh Lyman, a secret love, never spoke, but felt with every fiber of their being. It was fun to watch her control it, entertaining to watch their debates. While in job titles Josh Lyman was her superior, Donna Moss excelled him in every way and the both knew it.

Two years into the administration the president and Josh Lyman were shot. I was one of the agents on duty, my job was to keep the press and hoards of people out of the hospital. Donna tried to get into the hospital, she was in such a rush she forgot her id. I was the one who let her in.

That night I watched CJ Cregg, Toby Zieger, Charlie Young, Dr. Bartlet and Zoe leave the hospital. Donna Moss and Mrs. Landingham did not.

It is natural for to feel some resentment towards to Secret Service after your boss gets shot. Donna Moss didn't. The Monday after the shooting there was a plate of cookies in the Secret Service office, with a note: Let's make sure it doesn't happen again.

Every Monday for six years a plate of cookies greeted us.

The Secret Service thought it would be funny to create code names for them: Marylyn and DiMaggio were chosen. If something were ever to happen to either one of them, it was our job to make sure they weren't apart for long.

The unspoken love between them grew, they survived new and doomed relationships, supported each other every step of the way.

Then Donna Moss' car exploded. There was a silence in the Secret Service office until news arrived that she was alive.

We were the first to send her flowers.

A few months later she left and started to work at the Russell campaign. The Agents there said she lost a lot of her luster, the glow that she had while she was working in the White House. Of course she did, Josh wasn't there.

When I was assigned to the Santos Campaign three days before Donna Moss arrived.

Sure enough, that first Monday a plate of cookies awaited us.

I joined her detail after the first letter arrived. I am going to protect her no matter what.

Tonight, when I was not fifteen feet way from her, she was nearly raped. I failed her.

I watched her quiver and shake in the elevator, I watched as the man she love spewed vile words at her. Then I broke one of the key rules of being an agent, I got involved.

He lingers in the elevator, I glare at him and say, "I get off duty in two hours, and I better not see you."

She stands at her door unable to get in, her shaking hinders all use of her hands. I aid her and allow her to enter her room.

"Ms. Moss, I am sorry, I failed you." I whisper.

"It wasn't you who failed me, Jackson, it was everyone else."

Her kindness is unparallel. I stand out side her door when Helen Santos knocks, I over head she is quitting. I can't blame her in the least, death threats are one thing, but what happened tonight was entirely different.

I hear her sobs as she talks on the phone. I knock, she allows me in and I remove Josh Lyman's luggage from her room and place in it Santos' room.

Five minutes before I go off duty, Josh Lyman places a bouquet of flowers at her door.

I'll kill them both if she forgives him so easily.

* * *

I can't believe she has the audacity to start crying to me. What the hell is her problem? She was kissing some other man. Her lips. Her tongue.

"Did you like the way he tasted?"

Don't say my name, like you care about me. How could she do that to me? Those are MY lips, she was supposed to be mine. And there she is nearly fucking some other guy. I can't leave her alone for fifteen minutes.

"Did you whore yourself to all the contributors? What was the deal? Three million for a kiss? Five million for a blow job? Hell, Donna you didn't you just fuck him? We could have been sitting pretty of the rest of the Campaign."

She probably did screw Will. Every time Russell won a state. Every little victory she shared with him. After all if she would let just any one kiss her, why not Will?

I wonder how she raised all that money. I don't have to wonder, I know. I saw it. I have evidence.

Way to go Donna, you just ruined my life. Wasn't it enough you left me twice, nearly aged me ten years when your car blew up, or cost me Chief of Staff. Did you need to toy with my heart? Crush all possible chances for us to be together? You were supposed to be my future. Now you are nothing.

"Well, Donna you sure have left scars on this relationship." She calls me a son of a bitch. She's the bitch, but I don't have time to call her that. Jackson pins me against the wall.

"I get off duty in two hours, I better not see you." Did he just threaten me? I could have him fired for that.

The ride back downstairs I am alone. I should get used to this.

I need to be alone anyway.

Matt is waiting in the lobby, he looks rough, I don't know why, he didn't walk in on his ex future wife making out with some other man. "I am going for a walk." I announce.

"Take Secret Service with you." Apparently I have been attached to Donna's letters. Whoever is trying to kill Donna wants me dead by association. I really don't know how to feel about that. At this moment I welcome death but want very little to do with Ms. Moss.

We walk out onto the humid summer evening; I might notice the weather any other day, but not today.

I want to hurt her, worse then mere words. For every ounce of I pain my heart and body feels, I want her to feel it ten fold.

It is the ache of finally having something and losing it. Thinking you know someone as much as you do, but realizing you don't. Betrayer. Harlot. Slut. Whore. These were not words I wanted to use to describe her. Should I expect any different, she slept with, Cliff, Dr. Freeride, Commander Wonderful, Will? Hell, she fucked Colin after knowing him for a few hours. Her taste in men leaves much to be desired. Now I am just another notch in her bed post.

Could any connection I thought we had be a fraud?

She licked my wounds with me; she held my hand, when I needed it. A part of me can't believe she could do this to me. Her lips were on his. Donna couldn't do this to me.

But I saw it. I was a witness to her crime, the other's I simply assumed. The others I could ignore but THIS, there is no ignoring.

The familiar glow of a Coors sign, a bar. I know how to hurt her. I'll find some skank and ravage her. I'll make sure Donna see it in the morning, flaunt it. Mock her.

"Don't do it sir." Steven pleads.

"Do what?"

"Go in there screw some random girl. It's not worth it. Ms. Moss loves you, she always has. The events that occurred tonight were out of her control."

"Out of her control! She's been working in politics for years, she knows who that guy is. She knew what she was getting into. Don't try to paint Donna Moss as the victim here, it doesn't look good on her."

"Whatever you believe or you think happened, it didn't. She wouldn't cheat on you."

"She already has. She left me twice. She screwed me countless times. She was never faithful to me."

"For eight years we've watched the two of you. When you got shot she never left, you flew to Germany to be by her bedside. Those sort of feeling do not disappear because of one night. You two are meant for each other. You walk into the bar, you'll lose her forever. I am telling you, sleep it off. Think it over. If it still stings as bad in the morning, do whatever you want."

My hand stays on the door handle. All the hatred I feel for door knobs returns. Here it is one of the biggest decisions I have to make, to give in to my demons or to give her a second chance. Maybe I could give her a chance to explain what happened. Maybe everything isn't over. Maybe we could repair all that damage. But for what? So she could crush me again. No thank you.

I open up the door.

"Mr. Lyman… that's a gay bar." Steven states. Looking in confirms it.

So fate plays his hand once again.

I turn back to the hotel. "Which way is the hotel?"

"You walked in a straight path. It's back ten blocks." Second chances life is filled with them right? I mean she could apologize, I should at least give her that, after eight years she deserves an opportunity. I have nothing to apologize for… OH MY GOD I called her a whore. SHIT.

Fate once again is on my side, we pass a 24 hour flower shop called, "So You Screwed Up." I pick out an arrangement, something pretty and expensive. I go through ten drafts for a card. But all I am left with is, "sorry."

When I return to the hotel, Will and Matt are in a screaming match. All I hear is, "She's quitting because of whatever Josh said to her." Is she quitting? Again. I sense a reoccurring pattern here. I ride the same elevator up. I replay the conversation again in my head. I guess I **do** have some things to apologize for. Jackson stares me down. I go to knock on her door, but stop.

I can hear her crying, big heaving sobs. I can't deal with all this now. I lay the flowers at the door.

"Your stuff is in Santos' room." Great.

I head down towards the bar. Will is still bleeding. Good. Santos is on the phone, "I am sorry but I can not take this contribution." He has already ripped up the check. The CHECK.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU TOOK THE CHECK! YOU PIMPED OUT MY GIRLFRIEND!"

"I didn't, Will did."

"You were the one who said we needed the money any way possible." He slurs his words. There is a near empty bottle of Jack near him.

"I don't even know who you guys are anymore." I sit down at the bar and order a beer. All of us are on opposite sides of the bar.

I don't know what happened tonight. I didn't think I ever will. But I do know one thing. Tomorrow won't be pretty.

* * *

After a very long day, Congress is giving us a hard time with a Bill, they keep adding more stuff to it, I finally make my way into CJ office. After all even with all the crap, it is still a day of jubilee. Finally after eight years, Josh pulled his head out of his ass and took a good look around.

"They are in love." I proclaim.

"I know, she called me earlier today. How long before he screws it up?" CJ mocks.

"He won't." I don't know when I became the optimist and CJ become the realist, but when it comes to Josh and Donna, I need to believe everything is going end ok. I don't need a happy fairytale ending, but after eight years, I need some sense of closure.

"Oh, he will, it is just a matter of how bad. Did you call Sparky yet?"

"I figured he would call me after Josh called him. I didn't want to ruin the surprise."

Margaret comes in, something is wrong. Will CJ have to leave to go to the SIT room and ruin our little party?

"CJ, Donna's on the phone. I think something is wrong." CJ gives me a knowing look. Damn it he already screwed up. How did he screw it up in an hour? How does something like that happen?

"Donna honey, what's wrong? You need to stop crying, slow down I can't understand you."

I am going to kill him.

CJ turns away from me. "Start from the beginning. Will and Leo told you to go in there?"

Will you son of a bitch, how could you do something like this to Donna. Not after all that we went through… she was supposed to save you. She did save you, and now this is how you repay her?

"You listened? Donna you should have known better, he's dangerous. No. Eight years ago."

"CJ who?" I whisper, she writes a name down on a paper. Justin Hall.

Whatever happened Justin Hall is not good news. SHIT. There is no way Donna would have known, she wasn't working in politics when it happened. It was before we even starting thinking about leaving New Hampshire during the Bartlet for America Campaign. Hell, Josh wasn't even working for us when it happened.

I write a quick note back to CJ, and she apologizes to Donna, "Did he hurt you? Do you need to see a doctor? Tough tomorrow you are going to see one. What happened when Josh found you? WILL TOOK THE CHECK!" CJ screech fill the room. Margaret jumps back a little. I don't think it is a good idea to scare a pregnant woman.

Somehow I am not surprised that he would do that. I don't see why CJ is.

The next screech I am not prepared for: "JOSH CALLED YOU A WHORE!"

You're dead Lyman.

The anger becomes visible in the room. It's like another entity.

CJ agrees with Donna for a few minutes and hangs up the phone. She refuses to look at me. She blames herself for this whole thing. If she didn't go the President about my fears about Will, none of this would have happened. In her eyes we are both guilty, and sharing the blame with Josh, Will and Leo.

"She's quitting."

"That's a good idea."

"You are going to introduce the Santos campaign tomorrow. I am taking it off the President's schedule."

"Why?"

"Because Donna asked me to." She doesn't need to explain any farther.

"One last screw you to the boss."

"No, I don't think that is it." CJ looks out the window, lost in her own thoughts and shame.

You hurt Donna. Worse yet, you hurt CJ. Josh Lyman, we are done.


	25. Chapter twenty four

Disclaimer: you should know it by now.

Author's note: Thank you to everyone who has given me feedback, I can't even begin to express how much it means to me! This chapter might be a little hard to read, Donna is very cold but Josh starts to redeem himself. This chapter deals with the plane ride back to DC, I hope I get the mood across. This chapter I've had in my head for a while.

Also, I would like to say, tonight in the shower I came up with the perfect ending to this epic tale. Keep with it, troops, things will get better!

Then Everything Changed.

Chapter 24

* * *

This morning I have throbbing headache. I got up and ponder if I should shower here or wait the next few hours and shower at home. Matt's in the shower now, I'll just wait.

The morning is hauntingly quiet, empty and lonely. This is the first morning I've woke up without Donna beside me, in two weeks. I once started sleeping with her; I had hoped I would never be without her. Now I am beginning to feel like I will never be with her again. My fear are confirmed when I see the flower in the trash. I look inside to see if she got my note; it seems to be missing from the lifeless fragrant plants.

Maybe the hotel staff took it away? Who am I kidding? It's Donna.

I push the elevator button. The hateful one opens its doors. I replay the entire night in my head, like I've been doing all night, all morning. Zero sleep. What was I thinking, flowers? I need to buy her diamonds.

Ronna is waiting in the lobby. Same spot I saw Matt in last night. Neither Ned nor Bram will look at me. Ronna hands me a letter. Mr. Lyman. Shit. I don't need to read it. I know who it is from, hells I even know what it says. Ronna presents letters to Will, Leo and Matt. The congressman is having a little trouble reading Donna's distinct handwriting. He looks to me to translate.

I forgot how perfectly crafted her language can be, and it reaffirms my decision not to read my letter.

"She resigns. She sees no reason to stay." Of course she put it nicer.

I guess I am not a reason to stay.

We drive in silence. Abba is playing in the CD player. "Knowing Me Knowing You" is ringing in my ears:

Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)  
There is nothing we can do  
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)  
We just have to face it, this time we're through  
(this time we're through, this time we're through  
This time we're through, we're really through)  
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go  
(I have to go this time  
I have to go, this time I know)  
Knowing me, knowing you  
It's the best I can do

I really hate Abba.

But I listen to it as a form of penances.

I listen to the messages, I turned my cel phone off last night.

Two from Toby.

Three from CJ.

One from Sam. Shit

One from my mother.

One from the restaurant; they are charging my credit card $50 for breaking the reservation. That one stings. I was going to tell her I love her. It feels like a lifetime ago.

Donna and Jackson are already on the plane. We each sit alone in a row.

It is six in the morning, the sun hasn't even risen yet and everyone is wearing sunglasses.

Leo is the first to approach. "Donna, you can't quit."

She doesn't even look up from her New York Times. "Leo, after everything I have done for you in the past six months, everything I have lost and given up. Do you think _YOU_ are the one to convince me to keep my job? You screwed over Josh. I should have known it would only be a matter of time before you screw over me."

Leo retreats back to his seat. She defended me. She must still care. Right? I have a chance. She is two rows back, blond hair tied tight in a bun, she looks like a librarian. I shouldn't tell her that.

I stand up and start my descent. Jackson stands up too, eyeing every step I make.

"Donna." Can you hear the pain and sorrow in my voice? Can you tell I just need to talk to her? Five minutes, you can pick when. I can't lose you, we can work this out. Donna I love you.

"Mr. Lyman." Mr. Lyman, she has never called me that to my face. Ice and fear converge and combine into bile which is making its ascent into my mouth. "You make your opinions of me painfully clear last night. I wish never to speak to you again."

I am not sure how but I make my way to my seat. The world looks a little darker, even with the sun rising in the distance.

The captain announces five minutes until take off.

Matt makes a final attempt.

"Ms. Moss," Good start, "if I could have a moment of your time."

"Yes Congressmen. Did Helen call yet?" Her tone is softer, she understands his pain and her compassion is winning.

"Yes, thank you. I wanted to ask you to reconsider you resignation, for forty eight hours, sleep on it, take some time off and think and if you still feel this way I will aspect your offer."

"I can not do that sir. I refuse to work with people who think so little of me."

"I am willing to make staffing changes. I will fire Josh and Will." HUH? I can see firing Will, but me?

I got you here. No I really didn't .

He doesn't need me.

My career was the one thing I was clear on, and good at. But the congressman is constantly showing me how untrue that is.

He can win the White House without me.

"No, sir." Huh? "You will not be able to win the White House without them. Both Mr. Lyman" the bile returns "and Mr. Bailey" he stirs in his seat. "are highly educated, they have degrees from Ivy League schools. They are geniuses at what they do, there is just a handful of people who are on par with them. I didn't even finish college. I am simply not smart enough."

Oh Donna. It's not true. Her voice rings with shame and self hatred, my God, she believes it true.

"I don't want to be president if it means winning like this."

"You are a good man, who had one moment of weakness. Your mistakes are the only thing in this world that is yours and yours alone. Own them, learn from them, and never repeat them." He stands still letting the words soak in. "Sir, it has been an honor and a privilege to work for you."

"No, Ms. Moss the honor and privilege has been all mine." He returns to his seat.

We start to taxi. Her voice fills the cabin. "Sir,"

"Yes, Ms. Moss." He sounds so hopeful.

"The President will not be introducing you today, it will be Toby Zeiger."

"You bitch" Will spits. I am on my feet, no talks to Donna like that. Jackson pulls his gun.

"Mr. Bailey that is an odd remark coming from you. You assume I sold you out. Funny, since you sold out President Bartlet out two years ago to be the Vice President's lap dog. I would expect nothing less for a person of _your_ quality." I sit back down; she doesn't care what I have to say.

Jackson puts his gun away.

Matt responds,"Thank you, Ms. Moss I really don't think I can handle speaking with the President today."

We are in the air. Will pulls out his letter and starts to read it. He spends the rest of the 45 minute flight looking out the window.

When we land, ABBA follows us.

I don't wanna talk  
About the things we've gone through  
Though it's hurting me  
Now it's history  
I've played all my cards  
And that's what you've done too  
Nothing more to say  
No more ace to play

I ask the driver to turn off the music.

Ronna, Bram and Ned present Matt with letters as well.

Two week notices.

Matt is too weak to even argue but thanks them for staying the two weeks until replacement can be found. He is so damn gracious about this.

We drop Donna off at the White House. It looms in the background, someplace I used to consider my home is now a source of uncertainly. She walks in the main corridor and never looks back.

The last thing I see is the back of her head, my heart breaks thinking it might be the last time I ever see her again.


	26. Chapter twenty five

Disclaimers: Same as before

Author's notes: I never liked the fact that Donna left the White House, it seemed to out of character for her. I guess they were leading up to it in the show, but it did make her seem ungrateful considering all that Josh had done for her. So I gave her a reason, and it has been mentioned and noted along the way, but in this chapter we find out the truth. Josh learns too many truths at once. This is another transition chapter. Big changes are to come.

Then Everything Changed.

Chapter 25

* * *

I called him Mr. Lyman. I can't believe I did that. I yelled at Leo. My. God. LEO. And Will…well he deserved it. My god what have I done? Screw that, it wasn't that bad. They still have their jobs thanks to me and Santos was simply using me to get back on Helen's good side.

Screw them all to Hell. Ha!

Ball all that hatred and anger up. Hold on to it. Loathe them for everything they have done.

Say it. I hate Josh Lyman. Say it again I hate Josh Lyman. I don't care that he didn't take his sunglasses off the whole trip or that he bought be flowers in the middle of the night.

"Sorry" that's all he could say. 760 on the SAT for that? Please.

Say it again, I hate Josh Lyman.

This is the same exercise I did when I started working for him. Same thing I did when I realized I loved him. It worked last time. Right?

Who am I kidding?

You can't turn off every emotion you felt for someone in one day, no matter what horrible things he says.

I need to focus on other things. Not Josh Lyman related. However the other options aren't that much better.

Death threats

Attempted rape

Betrayal

Unemployment

Dying childless and alone and getting eaten by my neighbor's cats.

Suddenly pining over Josh doesn't seem that bad.

We pull up to the White House and Jackson starts to get out of the van.

"No you stay with them, they are going to need you more."

"But."

"I will be in the White House, it is the safest building in the world. Nothing is going to happen to me."

He concedes only because the event will be outside and that always freaks him out a little bit. Jackson assures me, he will be back in two hours.

The other van that carries Josh, Will and Congressman Santos pulls away.

I want to look back, but instead my eyes are focused in front of me. I love this lobby, so grand and majestic, history oozes out of every fiber, every termite.

I breeze past security, to be greeted by my sisterhood. Margaret and Carol, holding frappachinos and Krispy Kreme. I am embraced with a bear hug. Emotions sweep over me.

Do not cry in the lobby, this majestic and historic lobby.

"Hey Honey, we missed you."

"Its good to be home." I whisper, knowing full well, this isn't my home. They lead me down the hallways. I feel empty here, everything is familiar but different. Margaret is pregnant, CJ old office is empty and…

"Donna!" Cliff Calley is working here.

"Hi Cliff." I am truly not in the mood for this at all.

"Glad to see you are back."

"Thanks"

"You wanna come in to my office, we can talk about the Republicans tax plan, I would love to hear your input on it."

"It isn't your office." My loyalty surprises me a little bit.

I think I hurt his feels a little bit, but I've been on that pony and I am really not interested in getting back on. No sense on leading him on. I am done with men for a while.

I head into CJ's office. Bitterness bites at my heart. This should have been Josh's office.

CJ gets finishes her phone call. "DONNA!" Her embrace is the sweetest. "You look great."

"You're lying."

"Yeah."

She whispers in my ear. "You have a doctor's appointment today at 2:30."

"CJ, I am fine."

"Look you have either go to my guy or I'll call Dr. Bartlet."

"I'll go to yours."

She kisses my forehead. "So what sort of job would you like here at the White House?"

"I really haven't thought about it."

"Really?" She knows I am lying. Annabeth walks into the office. I can tell where this one is going.

"I don't know, maybe something that has to do with the Press?"

Annebeth beams, "That's great sweetie I already started cleaning out CJ's old office. We will start you off slow, and I'll train you every step of the way and by the end of the week you will be a pro!"

"End of the week?" I choke out. CJ steps in.

"Today you are going to lick your wounds, we are going to hang here, eat and talk about how much men suck."

"Thanks." The sisterhood is a strong and wonderful thing, when you are in a sisterhood, you are never alone. Annebeth sits on the chair waiting for more instructions.

"Donna!" Charlie comes running into the room. I gaze at CJ, she shakes her head. She didn't tell anyone why I am here, none of the details. They are the best and the brightest, they know something happened but no one will ask for details for now. Charlie wraps his arms around me.

"My God, Charlie what is on your face?"

"Do you like it?"

"Who told you a mustache looked good? You look like a child molester. I refuse to speak to you until it is gone."

"But."

"No buts."

"Good to have you back."

I don't answer, why hasn't anyone stepped in a put an end to this? Charlie walks away discouraged. I plop down on the couch and start drinking my fancy iced coffee. Neither CJ nor I talk for a few minutes. Our silence says enough.

"How is the President?"

"He had an MS attack last night."

"Oh my God! Is he ok?"

"He is resting for now. I sent Toby down there already, looks like if you didn't call, he would have been introducing them any way."

"Well let's hope he doesn't do anything stupid."

"Like what?"

"Tell them the real reason I left the White House."

"Oh he isn't that stupid."

* * *

I pace waiting for them to arrive. I didn't sleep last night, three cups of coffee is my fuel. The black SUV pulls up. Wow they look horrible, pale, and hung over and sleep deprived. 

"How could you do this? It's DONNA!" Both Will and Josh stare at me through darkened and glassy eyes.

"Which one of us are you talking too?" Will flatly responds.

"You. I'll start off with you. Sure I wasn't expecting much from you, the man who left Jed Bartlet for Bingo Bob, but still. Sam had seen something in you. I saw it briefly. But it was Donna who kept telling us not to give up on you. So when I went to the President telling him there was a concern about you, she seemed the logical choice."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shut up Josh.

"We were all in the room, CJ, the President, your perfect master, Leo and myself. Donna volunteered to join the Russell campaign, not to get him elected, but to put you back on the right path. And what do you do? You throw her to the wolves."

Will looks like I have punched him in the spleen and ripped out his stomach in one motion. The confusion on Josh's face is replaced by rage.

"You took her from me!"

"Look what you did when you had her!" I spit back. "You called her a whore!"

"She was kissing Justin Hall. She knew who he was, she should have known better, she should have never been alone in a room with him."

"How the hell was she supposed to know who he was? YOU weren't even working for Bartlet when it happened."

"What? No, I was at the fund raiser with… Hoynes." He hands cover his face, the blood drains from his face.

"Why would you call her a whore? She was nearly raped!" Will get off your high horse, it doesn't suit you.

"What?" His voice laced with horror and panic. Huh? He didn't know.

Leo steps in, "Will, enough."

"Damn it Josh, think, where were his hands?"

Josh starts shaking and turns away from the group.

"Look, we will deal with all of this later. Right now, play nice, put on a happy face and smile for the cameras." Hisses Leo.

What could we do, Dad has spoken.

Congressman Santos looks back as he ascends to the stage, and Leo is quick to follow. Will hesitates, debating to whether or not to say something; he opts against it and follows his new master. Leaving only Josh and myself.

"Lyman, we are done."

"What?" Asshole isn't even listening to me.

"Don't go back to the White House, you are not welcome there. I am done with you, now and forever."


	27. Chapter twenty six

Disclaimer: They aren't mine:

Author's note: For the past few Author's Notes I have been saying a big change happens. It does in this chapter. I know people miss the funny, I miss it too. I know people feel like everything came out of left field, but understand that when something bad happens, it will take something worse to bring people together. The funny will return, the light hearted romance will come back. I want to thank everyone for their feedback, really it is the best part of my day!

This chapter is from Annbeth's POV and Josh's POV.

* * *

Neither CJ or Donna are doing much talking, and I am getting antsy.

I have not known Donna Moss a long time, but each time I see her its like looking at a new person. She will be a constant mystery to me. At first glance, she is weak willed and feeble constantly subservient to Josh Lyman. Well to be fair the first time I met her she was still recovery from a terrorist attack. But the more you look the more you see. There is a strength hidden behind uncertainty and fear. She walked away from a half a million dollars to continue to work at the White House, only to leave it a few months later and join the Russell Campaign. To me that never made sense, Bob Russell was not her kind of guy. When I questioned Toby about it, he mentioned something about her wanting more from her life and he wished others would do the same. But still, I think something more was going on there, something about Will Bailey.

I got a phone call early this morning from CJ, we need a new press Secretary and Donna Moss has paid her dues long enough. There was more to the story, there always is when it story is about Donna, but at 5:30 in the morning I am glad CJ didn't elaborate.

They start to talk about the President and Toby. CJ declares that Toby wouldn't be stupid enough to tell anyone the real reason why Donna left. But I beg to differ. If something happened and it was a bad and I think it was and Josh or Will was responsible some how. I think he would tell, just to hurt them as much as they hurt her. But that is only my opinion.

Kate enters the room, she shifts her weight from foot to foot and stares at the floor.

"What did he do?" Her voice filled with anger.

"Who?"

"Will. What did he do? Is it bad? Should I still keep my date with him?" Ah the sisterhood. The code of women, can I still date the guy who screwed you over? Kate is just as unsure about her role here in the White House as I am. Sure, we know our job descriptions but when it comes to helping our co-workers, when do we cross the line and make them our friends.

"Do you want to go out with him?"

"I am not sure."

"When was your last date?"

"Too long ago." Poor thing.

"Do you want a free meal?"

"It is always nice. But if he hurt you, I want nothing to do with him." I guess Kate just made the cross over. Donna smiles weakly in attempts to make Kate feel better.

"He didn't hurt me, just disappointed me." Then her voiced changed, sweeter softer and dear I say it hopeful? "Kates he really likes you. I've known him for a while and I have never seen him this excited. I don't want to ruin it for him. Deep down, he's a good guy, he just makes bad choices sometimes. Its not my place to say what happened last night. You should ask him, and if you still have questions then come to me."

See she is a mystery.

* * *

Here I am alone. Again. I feel like I was hit in the face with ten sledgehammers, and when they were done with my face they moved on to other parts of my body.

There was a lot of information to absorb in the last few seconds.

The President asked Donna to work for Russell to help Will. For the past two weeks she's wanted to tell me something, but I didn't want to here it. A part of me thought it was easier to think she betrayed me and wanted more out of her life, this way I could seem like the all forgiving good guy. Is that why she didn't tell me? Does she understand me that well?

That's why she was so pissed at Leo. He asked her to go leave even though she cost me Chief of Staff. She didn't want that level of betrayal on her head. She remained faithful to me, she would have come on the Santos campaign if not for this. That's why she was so angry with Will this morning.

This morning the events of the flight over replay in my head, then last night.

OH MY GOD. Was she nearly raped last night? His hands where were his hands? One was her breast. Oh God where was the other, where was it? Her thigh? Up her dress? I called her a whore; I accused her of sleeping with other people for money. I am the most despicable thing in the universe. I don't deserve her. She needed me and I pushed her away. I can't stop sweating.

Fluid rushes to my mouth. I vomit stale beer on next to the stage. My body is shaking and I have very little control of anything.

My god what if I Bram didn't tell me? What if he waited five minutes? Would she have screamed? Cried for help? Could she have fought him off? What did he say to her, what else could he have done?

These thought punch me again and again. "Mr. Lyman, are you ok?"

Jackson is standing next to me. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the White House?"

"She asked me to stay here."

"Why?"

"I think to keep an eye on you." My God Donna, what have I done?

* * *

Donna Moss you international woman of mystery, you want to watch the press conference? Why? Someone else vocalizes it before me.

She smiles again, pride fills her face. Her own feelings toward the rest of the men hold no barring towards Congressman Santos. "I wrote three paragraphs in the speech he is giving today."

"Really, that's great."

"I think Will was prepping me for Deputy Communications Director in the Santos Administration." Her pride lingers in the air. I wonder if she thinks Press Secretary is a step down.

Toby takes the stage. He looks rough, we will have to fix that before this mornings briefing.

Wow the rest of them look just as bad. How much sleep did any of them get in the last few days? When was the last time any of them ate? Come to think about it, when was the last time Donna ate or slept?

"They all look like someone ate their dog." Three sets of eyes gaze towards me. What they do! If someone had found out that their dog was eaten, that is how their faces would look.

Toby's deliver is weak and halfhearted and I know we are going to get questions about why the President didn't introduce Congressman Santos. It's going to be a rough day.

Santos takes the stage, "Thank you ladies and gentleman, it is an honor to be here today."

Then everything changed. That's when the stage blew up.


	28. Chapter twenty seven

Disclaimer: they aren't mine.

Author's notes: I firmly believe that the only wayyou can get over something bad, is to have something worse happen. Stick with it, the romance and comdey I love to write will be returning soon. This chapter was going to end in the middle, after Donna's phone call with Toby, but I thought it was too cruel just to stop it there. This is told from Josh's POV, CJ's POV, Donna's POV, Vinick's POV and back to Donna's POV.

* * *

Donna what have I done to you. My god how have I hurt you. 

"Thank you ladies and gentleman, it is an honor to be here today."

I hear Ave Maria in my head.

The ground briefly shakes.

I scrambled and grab Toby pulling him to the ground. Why am I the only one reacting? Am I? Fear its all over his face, that and blood.

Wet, my side is wet.

Together we reach for Matt, but I think he is already on the ground.

One though repeats in my head. Thank God Donna wasn't here.

My side hurts and I think I am stuck on something. Everything is so blurry.

I should have called my mother back this morning.

Hands grab me, pull me.

I try to look around, too much smoke to see.

Why am I so wet?

Am I walking?

Everything hurts, it's dull and sharp, too many sensations.

Something smells like burning.

I should have told her I love her.

Is everything getting dark?

Will, his hand shouldn't look like that.

Where is Matt going?

Where is Toby?

God I can't find Leo.

I have to tell her I am sorry.

Blood. Is it mine? I hate blood whose ever it is.

I can't see. Did someone cover my eyes?

No.

When will the music stop?

I should have married her after Rosslyn.

Where am I going?

Who is leading me?

My mouth tastes funny, salty. Bloody.

Am I in a car?

What is happening?

Am I saying any of this out loud?

I promised her I would never do this to her again. I lied. She is going to be so pissed off at me.

* * *

Did that just happen? This couldn't be right. Toby. Leo. Josh. Will. Santos. None of that could be right. Why won't the smoke clear? My blood freezes. No one moves.

Donna speaks, "I have to go." I hear to door open but I can't tear my eyes off the television screen.

"We are in a lock down everyone needs to stay where they are." Grunts. My brain starts to work again.

I admit never consider Donna to be a strong woman, what kind of woman hides her feelings for eight years? How can she sit back a watch the world pass her by?

My eyes focus. There is a Secret Service agent lies groaning on the floor and Donna hovering over him. A second agent comes in and slams her against the filing cabinet.

"I have to go." She repeats louder, stronger.

I watched her grew, and understood the strength it took not to leave, to sit back and watch another woman with her man. I understand the bitterness and anger, but that never stopped her.

"Lady, if you move I _will_ put a bullet in you." The agent pulls his gun holding her tight. Neither Annabeth or Kate has moved.

Donna's strength was hard to see at first, it was stubble, but powerful. The day she left the White House to start some crazy journey to save lost soul, I saw the truth. Donna Moss is stronger then I am.

"Either way I am going to that hospital."

As their friend I rooted for them.

As press secretary they scared the hell out of me.

As Chief of Staff I can finally help them.

"She's Marilyn." My voice is heavy with fear. "You have orders to get Marilyn to DiMaggio."

"It is a lock down." Why is this man arguing with me?

"I am giving you the go ahead."

"You don't have that authority."

"I don't but I will call someone who does." It is a tough gambit, but I win.

Reality sets in, Donna gazes at me, "I don't have a car."

"Give me thirty seconds, you will have a police cruiser." I look at the agent, "You are going with her." He releases Donna from his hold and shakes his head. She seems unfazed by it.

She starts to bark orders, "Margaret! Get Helen Santos in the air. She is at their residences, you might have to use Secret Service channels to get through, and her phone lines will be busy. Then call Mallory. She's in New York, get her a plane or train ticket. I'll contact everyone else."

I through her my cell phone, the other women follow suit.

"I'll keep in touch CJ." The stage blew up less then one minute ago. The door slams and it wakes the others from their trance.

Kate barely whispers, "Will." My brain scream Toby.

* * *

After Rosslyn I swore I would never let something like this catch me off guard. Josh is in danger and I need to be there with him. 

My side hurts, I am sure the filing cabinet handle will leave a nice bruise. No time to think about that now.

Charlie calls out my name from Josh's former office. He tosses me his cell phone. The sharp pain in my side hinders me from catching it, but my new agent does the job for me. He might be useful after all.

"Are you in contact with the agents at the scene?"

"Yes."

"Which hospital?"

"GW"

The cruiser is waiting for us, engine running. The agent jumps in the front, I set up camp in the back.

First equipment check:

CJ's blackberry: Battery life: three bars- Contact with the White house

My blackberry: Battery life: two bars- All in coming calls

Annebeth's cell: Battery life four bars - contact with family

Kate's cell: Battery life: four bars- Contact with campaign

Charlie's cell: Battery life: one bar, useless.- phone book.

Now make contact.

Josh's cell. Ring Ring Voice mail

Will's cell Ring voice mail

Toby's cell Ring Ring "Hello"

"Toby, its Donna."

"Donna!"

"Talk to me, what are the injuries." Stay calm, not let him here the quiver in your voice.

"The blood, it everywhere." Ok I figured on blood, "My head is bleeding, it is stinging my eyes."

"Who else is with you?" I hear Josh cry my name, even if it is weakly.

"Josh and Will. Will's hand is all messed up and he can't stop throwing up. Josh…"

"What happened to Josh!"

"Donna the blood, it everywhere." My hand instinctively holds my head. Hold it together Donna, if you start to cry now, you might not stop.

I here Josh muffled calls, "phone now." The phone changes hands. "Donna." His voice is so weak and shallow. "I.."

"I know Josh." No matter what he wanted to say, I know what it was. I can only pray he understands the importance. "Are you hurt?"

"There is so much blood. I hate blood."

"How bad is it, compared to last time?" It isn't fair, no one should have a point of reference for something like this.

"I don't remember the pain." His voice becomes hoarse and he empty.

"What do you remember?" Stay with me Josh, keep talking.

"The fear."

"Is it the same?"

"Different. Not death, but loss." His voice softer with every word. "Donna I know too"

Silence. "Josh?"

"JOSH!" Toby screams. Dial tone. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

At least he is still alive. Life, that's what is important, everything else we can work on.

What's next?

Call Ronna: "Ronna, its Donna."

"Oh my god what do we do?"

"First have Ned or Bram do a complete staff check. We need everyone accounted for, people who went with them to the event, all support staff. We need to know that everyone is ok and have them contact their families. When you get that done, meet me at the hospital. Leave either Ned or Bram at the headquarters'. NO PRESS, do you understand no press."

"Donna, are they ok?"

"I don't know, according to Toby there is a lot of blood. I am assuming that Leo and Matt are in the other van."

"Helen?"

"I gave instructions to get her into the air and here as ASAP. I will call the White House to confirm." The strictness of my voice shocks me a little bit, when did I turn into all business. "Ronna, everything is going to be fine." Is it a lie if you don't know if it is true?

"Donna, I'm scared."

"So am I, that's why I need you at the hospital. Get there as fast as you can."

Click.

The car races through the streets of DC. The siren blares in my ears. Things seem so familiar, I know what building that is, but my brain can't process it.

Josh.

Focus, you have work to do. Call the White House.

"Margaret where is Helen? What about Mallory what is their status?"

"Helen Santos has been picked up from her house and will be driven to an air strip where our plane will be picking her up. Mallory has a train ticket waiting for her. Donna how are they?"

"Bleeding is all I know. Has the White House issued a statement yet?"

"Not yet, we need more information. CJ is talking to Dr. Bartlet and the President right now. Donna, are you ok?"

"Fine for now. I'll keep you guys in the loop. Can you get Vinick's number?"

"Sure, but why?"

"I need to speak to him."

* * *

My donut is hanging out of my mouth. 

I've been watching Matt Santos very closely over the last few weeks, there is a new energy there that was missing a month ago. Staff changes I think. He's been a worthy candidate and so far has fought clean. Somehow I don't think Josh Lyman or Will Bailey have a lot to do with it. He looked awful walking up to the podium. He clearly didn't sleep last night. "Ladies and Gentlemen it is an honor to be here today."

Behind the smoke and confusion after the camera settled down and the picture refocus, I saw him being carried away. Someone tried to kill him.

Are they ok?

Is anyone hurt?

What should I do?

My staff sits in silence, no one eyes are pulled from the television. CNN is already commenting, saying it was a terrorist attack. The film is being replayed. This is when the donut started hanging out of my mouth.

How can they do that? Declared a terrorist attack, replay the footage. What gives them the right? Has the families even been notified or is it safe to assume that their family was watching CNN and that was their notification.

We watch it being replayed for the fifth time. No one in my office speaks and when the phone rings it jars us out of our collective comas.

"Senator Vinick?"

"Yes."

"This is Donna Moss I work for the Santos Campaign."

"Are they alright?"

"I am not sure I am on the way to the hospital right now. Sir, I am calling to find out if you know what to do with your staff."

"What?"

"Did anyone tell you what do with your staff if something like this happens?"

"You guys have a handbook for this stuff?"

"No, but in about ten minutes when the shock wears off, collectively they will begin to panic."

"Why?"

"Because they would have realized that it could have been them. You could have been a target and they could have been hurt too. The danger of working at the White House will become all too real. It was different when it happened to President Bartlet, his job wasn't up for grabs."

Why does she care about me? Isn't there other things she should be doing? But everything she says is true. There _is_ a sinking horror in my stomach. It could have been us. My staff will start to panic, they are my family and I need to protect them.

"What do I do?"

"Get a head count of everyone. Have all staff contact their families. Call yours. Reassure them. I will not tell you how to run your campaign, if you want to talk to the press or if you want to keep you events for the day, it is up to you. I'll keep calling you over the course of the day to keep you up to date. I will guarantee, you will know before I tell anything to the press." There is a terror in her voice; she seems to be walking now. "Where are they? Why aren't they here?" Did she get to the hospital before them?

I hear someone say, "They got caught at a red light."

Noise explodes. "Senator, they are here now, I have to go. I'll call you later."

* * *

I don't know why I am calling Vinick, but it seems like something I should do. I didn't want to call Josh's mom, or Andi or Elise until I got some news. I needed facts before I talked to them. That makes sense, right? I don't want to give them false information. No information would be better. Right? What the hell am I saying to Vinick. He must think I am a nut.

What the hell is taking so long? Just slow down the car, I'll jump out.

The hospital is cold, empty and lacking all the chaos I would be expecting. Are we in the right place? Did they move them to another location?

"Where are they?" I scream at my agent. Not once have I looked at him. Even when he had me pinned, I don't think I really saw him. All my mind saw was Josh. I should have told him I love him. Nothing he said last night matters now.

"They got caught at a red light."

I don't understand how did I get here so fast? The Police cruiser had its light and siren on.

There are nurses and doctors staring at me, but they are getting ready for the madness to ensue. My agent pulls me away as I hear the screeching tires of the van. Am I still talking to Vinick? Did I just tell him I didn't care what he did today?

"Senator, they are here now, I have to go. I'll call you later."

Leo is the first to come in. He is one of the greatest men I have ever known, to see him so pale, and weak. Was he always this weak and small?

I hear the doctors shout of cardiac arrest. He is wheeled away just as fast as he arrives.

"Leo, your daughter is on the way." I shout in a vain attempt for him to hear. He makes a small groan. Did he understand?

Matt is next to arrive. He has a jacket covering his arm and there seems to be something jettison out of his arm. His bone? Complex factor, no big deal. Blood is caked in his hair and sticking to his face.

Toby said there was a lot of blood, what cut them?

I run to Matt's side and follow along with him as the doctors rush him along.

"Donna."

"Helen is on her way. I'll call the boys camp. Do you want them to know?"

"No." He is nearly swallowed by the door to the emergency room when I hear. "Thank you."

More agents fill the hallway. They all look rough, and none of them will receive medical attention until someone points it out.

The second van pulls in. Josh's van.

Jackson is the first to enter the hospital shouting commends. I want to call out his name, but I don't, he sees me first.

"Ms. Moss you should **NOT** be here." He looks to the other agent for an explanation.

"Jackson I have to stay." No one is making me leave, not after all I went though to get here.

"You don't understand, _no one knew you weren't going to be at the event today_."

What is he saying, was I the target? I can't think about this right now.

Doctors rush out to the van. My whole world stops. Josh gets rolled in. White, his skin is white, not pale but the absence of all color. It could be from the pain, or all the blood, he can't really handle the blood. His eyes are closed. The frantic screams of the doctors make my heart stop.

"Get him into the OR now!" I can't control my body, I instinctively end up by Josh's side.

He is a shell of who he was two days ago. His face is twisted in pain, his lips are pursed. Maroon is spreading across his shirt like slow moving oil. Blood has pooled up around his belt. Did he look this bad when he got shot? I don't remember this much blood.

"Josh." I call out to him, following the gurney.

No response. "Josh?" His eyes open. They seem unfocused.

"Donna?" I can't place it, something is wrong.

"Josh I am here." He looks at me, a terror and calm fills his face.

"Donna?" Uncertainty weighs his voice down, I gaze into his eyes. His eyes. I can't read them. I don't know how he feels or what his is thinking. They are empty, hallow, they and they are reflecting into his soul.

He's not strong enough for this fight. Not this time. He is swallowed into the caverns of the hospital. I stare at him as he disappears. There is so much for me to say, but what words can display every emotion I need.

"Josh, I know."

My knees stop working; my legs can't support my weight. Before I fall to the floor, two arms, support my arms, and hold me up.

"Jackson, don't make me leave."

"Alright Ms. Moss, but I am calling in more agents."


	29. Chapter Twenty eight

Disclaimer: Not mine

Author's note: Cindy Martin is a new character I created, I don't know how much I am going to use her, since I can't seem to use the regular characters all that often. A lot happens in not a lot of time. Although Cindy's phone call was one of my orginal ideas, but in the first draft Donna was SUPER cranky. I decided to tone her down a little. I also like CJ's scene too. Enjoy!

Cindy's POV, Donna's POV, CJ's POV back to Donna's POV

Then Everything Changed

Chapter 28

* * *

My name is Cindy Martin, this is my fourth year as a nurse in the ER. I love working in a hospital, no two days are the same, I meet lots of new people and I feel like what I am doing really affects people. Or at least those were my illusions for the first year. I still love it, but it's for a different reason. I love to watch people.

No one goes to the hospital for stupid crap, if you are here, your life could be forever altered. It is moments like these that show to true strength of humanity. The birth of a new child, the loss of a loved one, I've have seen men and women weep, laugh, scream and moan. I have seen my share of people passing out as well.

In my four years I have never seen anything quite like this. I was watching Good Morning America, when the news footage broke in. That guy who is running for president was just attacked. I know I live in DC and I should care about politics, but I couldn't give a rat's ass about it. As far as I can tell one of the guys is old and the other one is hot.

We got the phone call. They were coming here. Everyone was ready and prepped. The extents of the injuries were unknown. Thirty seconds before they arrived, this blond woman showed up yelling into a cell phone. She had with her a man in a black suit, his face was bleeding from superficial scratches and an armed DCPD.

When I saw her, my only thought was 'she shouldn't be here.' Three men entered the hospital she called out to them, providing information about their families. It was the interaction between the final man that peeked my interest. He was by far the worst off. This woman ran beside him and whispered words of comfort, her eyes pooled with water. This was the scene I was used to seeing. Normally people shout out words like, "I love you." "Don't leave me." "I'll be here when you get back." All she said was, "I know."

What could she know? The possibilities are endless. Does she know what happened?

Does she know where his keys are? Does she know the truth, whatever that could be?

Her words still resonate with me.

As this man leaves her sight another man in a black suit grabs her and supports her.

Before the next two men make their way in her cell phone rings. She starts a conversation. Now this is too much, not only shouldn't she be here but she can't talk on her cell phone. Its time I step in.

"Miss, you can't talk on the phone. You are going to have to put it away or give it to me."

"I am sorry but this is important. No sir, a nurse is here and she won't let me keep my phone. He wants to talk to you." She isn't mean or snotty about it, as most people are. She understands my job, but does not accept my answer. Whoever she is talking to will not convince me to break all the rules of the hospital.

"Hello, who am I speaking to?" I have to say this is a nice cell phone.

"Hello, this is President Bartlet." Oh my god.

"Oh my god, the real president?" Oh my god!

"Yes, do you know any fake presidents?" Oh my god!

"Um. No." Oh my god!

"Now, Miss what is your name?" Oh my god!

"Cindy Martin." Oh my god!

"Cindy the woman you took this cell phone from is named Donna Moss. She is one of my daughters. She is not my daughter in the literal sense of the word, but she is a part of my family. All of those men who pulled into your hospital, they are my sons and brothers. Nothing frightens me more then when something hurts my family. Do you understand?" Oh my god!

"Yes, sir." Oh my god!

"Now I need to know what is going on with my sons and brothers, and since I can't be there I am going to ask that Donna keep me informed. Do you think it will be ok if she keeps her cell phone in the emergency room, if just this one time?"

"Yes sir." Oh my god!

"Good because if she can't give me this information, then I am going to have to send someone else down to get it. Do you know who I am to send down there?"

"No, sir."

"My wife. Trust me Cindy, you do not want my wife down there. Now if Donna needs anything you will make sure she gets it right?"

"Yes, sir."

"Wonderful. I am going to send down a piece of paper saying that I gave you permission to allow her to keep her phones for White House business, this way you won't get in any trouble. It was nice talking to you. Can I talk to Donna again?"

"Yes, sir." She smiles at me, do I look like a dork? Did I just really speak to the president?

"Sir, I will keep you in the loop. Thank you Mr. President." She closes her phone and smiles back at me. "He wasn't too tough on you? Was he?" I shake my head. "Did he threaten you with Abby?" I nod. "Sorry about that, he worries a lot. Listen I am afraid I will be here for a while but I want to thank you up front for all the work you do today. Trust me, its going to be a long day." She smiles.

I just spoke the president. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! The real one. This Donna person must be the most amazing person in the world, she didn't even seemed phased by it.

My star stuck feeling fades when the final two men enter the hospital. She returns to her cell phone.

* * *

I phone CJ to tell her about the injuries, I really don't want the press spinning this out of control. But on the other hand I don't think it is wise to make it a matter for the White House either. I justify it as keeping a friend in the loop not the Chief of Staff. 

I run down the injuries as far as I can tell.

Toby and Will are able to walk in to the Hospital, that's a good sign right? Will's hand it torn and mangled beyond recognition. He seems almost glossy from the blend of blood, and sweat. I've never seen him shake before, its nothing spectacular, his looks like everyone else when the shake. But there is something different about this, Will's morals have always been weak but I have never seen him physically weakened before. Something about it strikes me to the core.

"Donna?"

"Will." All venom has left me, he needs my help and I am going to provide it. "Do you want me to call Ellise?"

"Sure." He can barely focus, vomit stains his shirt. "Why are you here?"

"Because you need me." Duh. He shakes his head. I guide him to a chair and have him wait. His wounds aren't life threatening, the doctors are more concerned about Josh and Leo for now and since he isn't running for president, he is going to have kill time until they get around to him.

I forgot I still have CJ on the phone. Toby walks behind Will, his description of his injuries seemed to be accurate. A massive head wound, bleeding into his eyes. He sees me, and grabs my arm.

"Donna. You're here."

"Of course Toby."

Something's wrong, he isn't just scared, he's terrified. Is it for himself? For his friends? What is it?

"My arm hurts." He is holding his arm, but there doesn't appear to be any other wounds.

"You have to wait a few minutes."

"Donna my arm hurts." It takes me a second, why didn't I see it sooner.

"Cindy! Toby is having a heart attack he needs medical attention now." My scream carries thought the hallways. A swat team of doctors and nurses swarm on him and he disappears.

* * *

I don't know how she is handling this. These are the men who hurt her, used her, left her and now she is the one helping them. 

Could I put aside all my emotions and focus on a job at hand? Sure, it's a daily event. Does she even have time to process her emotions?

None of this is new to her, Josh, hospitals, pain. Does it get easier each time around?

I can hear her talking to Will, calm and sweet. It is more then he deserves, but does she even care about that now?

Toby. How is Toby? Give me details.

"Cindy! Toby is having a heart attack he needs medical attention now."

The phone falls from my hand. Everything goes fuzzy. Heart attack, but those can kill people.

It nearly killed Leo.

Was he always sick? Did he know? Why didn't he tell me?

Toby, my Toby.

Margaret comes in, I don't know when she got here. She picks up my phone, which seems to be a struggle with her enormous belly. Why are the papers on my desk wet? Perfect circles on FDA files. I touch my face. Wet.

"You have a call on line two." She rubs my back, not once did I think to console her. She's been through this before too.

She hands me the phone.

"CJ." I know this voice. I love this voice.

"Come home." I plead with the voice.

"I am already on the plane."

Thank God. The tears don't seem to want to stop.

* * *

The hallways are crowded with bodies, all of them in suits and ear pieces. Jackson wasn't lying, he did call in reinforcements. The halls are quite for now. The pain in my side starts to gnaw at me. Don't focus on it, you have others things to worry about. Where is Ronna? 

Will is finally wheeled away, just leaving me with the agents. I turn to the new guy.

"What happened to your face?" He's bleeding, it nothing compared to all the devastation I've seen today, but there is no reason for the injury.

"Are you kidding me?" Why is he so shocked? "You scratched the hell out of me in Ms. Cregg's office." Really I don't remember any of that.

"I am so sorry. Cindy can we get some neosporin for this guy. The rest of the agents will need to get some help too." Cindy grabs New Guy for a few minutes. Jackson turns his attentions to me.

"Ms. Moss are you sure you are feeling ok? You look so pale and your breathing is shallow."

"I am fine, Jackson."

"It's just you look awful."

"Gee, thanks."

Ronna and Ned come running in.

"Donna!" we embrace and pain showers my whole body.

"Ronna are we all accounted for?"

"Yes. I though we lost an intern at the bomb site but they were pushed to the back of the crowd. He just checked in two minutes ago. Everyone on the East Coast has checked in, we are still waiting for the head count from the Mid West and the West Coast."

"Great job."

"How is everyone?"

"I don't know, so far, none of the wounds look fatal, but I am not a doctor. I should be getting information in a few minutes. Did you speak to the press?"

"No, but we have been getting a lot of questions. The Press is spinning it out of control, saying it was a terrorist attack and such. We need to issue a statement."

"Not right now, I don't want anything out there until we have all the facts first. We'll issue a statement or have a conference only after everyone is out of surgery."

Ronna and Ned exchange doubtful glances.

"What is it?"

"Well, um, you don't work for us any more." Ned looks down at his shoes.

"Ok raise your hand in you have been through something like this before." My hand is the only one above my head. "Raise your hand if you have constant contact with the White House and all access to government information agencies." My hand is alone in the air. "Look guys, lets not worry to much about who works where, for now we have a problem and I know the solution. If you don't want my help I can leave."

"No STAY!" Ronna shouts.

"Ok, Ronna start canceling event three days out. We may need to go farther out later." She nods starts to get on her cell phone. "Guys it is going to be long and rough day. If you need a break, let me know. No one plays the hero today. We need to depend on each other. We are own backbones today."

They agree and start to working. Some how I wish I could take my own advice.


	30. Chapter twenty nine: where are my pants

Disclaimer; they aren't mine, you know this.

Author's note: In this chapter a hopped up and depressed Will sings. His songs are "Mr. Brightside" by the Killers. "Everything thing to Everyone" by Everclear and "Fortunate Son" by CCR. Donna's views of the music does not reflect mine, I just thought it would be kind of funny to have Will singing all these songs adding one more thing Donna has to deal with. The songs have another function, which we will learn about in the other chapter.

This is all Donna's point of view. The tone is a little different.

* * *

I'm here for twenty minutes before a doctor is able to fill me in on the extent of the injuries, these are just first estimates of course.

Will had 50 percent of the bones in his right hand crushed. He will need extensive reconstructive surgery, but this hospital will not be able to do it for another week. However, he can get it done at John Hopkins in two days. He should be released today. He will be on heavy pain meds and his hand will need to be placed in a temporary cast.

Toby wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. He suffered a massive head wound and has a concussion but his heart attack was nothing more then a heart episode which the doctor assures me isn't a big deal. Whatever, CJ will be glad to here it.

Matt had a complex fracture which I expected, on left humerus. He has his fair share of cuts and bruises but after surgery he will be sent home today.

Leo had another heart attack; again the doctor assures me it isn't a big deal. He only needs a bypass, but there is some concern about damage from his last heart attack, he will be held for observation.

Josh is the one that scares the hell out of me. He received a massive wound to his waist, barely missing all of his major and vital organs. He will be in surgery to stitch him back up. The doctor said, a half a centimeter to the left and he would be dead. His guardian angel has a sick sense of humor and a love for near misses. He too will be here for observations over night.

I call Josh's mom to give her the update.

"Donna, honey is everything OK?" I fill her in. "Do you need me to come up? We can set up a schedule like we did last time?"

"I am not sure, we'll see." She hears the hesitation in my voice. I don't know how involved I will be this time. I can only live minute to minute.

"Was he a jackass to you?"

"What?" How did she know?

"He looked like he had been throwing up before the stage exploded. My son only throws up when he feels extremely guilty or if he is hung over. Either way explains why you weren't there."

"Everything is fine Mrs. Lyman." I feel horrible lying to her.

"Joan, dear."

"Everything is fine, Joan." Sure, make me tell the lie again.

"I'll give your mother a call and let her know the situation."

"My mother?"

"Oh yeah, we have been talking since your little incident in Gaza." I am all to horrified by this comment to process it just now. Cindy wheels Will into a recovery room, his off tone singing fills the air.

"Gotta gotta be down, Because I want it all, It started out with a kiss. How did it end up like this? It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss." Lovely choice of words Will.

"Joan I have to go, yeah if you could tell my mom I will call her later that would be wonderful."

"Sure thing sweetie. Donna, if he was an asshole you shouldn't forgive him just because of this."

"I won't." Way to be a supportive mom.

Will repeats the same lines over and over again, clearly the painkillers are working. His choice of music sounds like it was picked by a twelve year old girl. Nothing becomes more evident when he starts to sing Everclear:

"You put yourself in stupid places,

Yes I think you know it's true,

Situations where it's easy to look down on you.

I think you like to be the victim,

I think you like to be in pain,

I think you make yourself the victim almost every single day.

You do what you do, you say what you say,

You always try to be everything to everyone.

You know all the right people, you play all the right games,

you always try to be everything to everyone.

Yeah you do it again, you always do it again.

You say they taught you how to read and write,

Yeah they taught you how to count.

I say they taught you how to buy and sell your own body by the pound.

I think you like to be their simple toy,

I think you love to play the clown,

I think you are blind to the fact that the hand you hold is the hand that holds you down."

God he has got to get over this self-loathing thing, if not I think I might kill him.

I walk into his room, slowly; his off key singing isn't helping my massive headache or helping me to ignore the sharp pain in my side.

"How you doing?" I ask with a smile.

"I don't want surgery." He starts to pout.

"Yeah, it sucks I know, but you will be fine."

" I guess. How is everyone else?"

"They should be coming out of soon, I expect them to be trickling down one by one. Toby should be next. He has a concussion and a head wound. The rest are still in surgery."

"Oh. So I am the only lucky one."

"Will, you ok?"

"Fine. Did you call Ellise?"

"Yeah she is in the Alps somewhere. She should be here tomorrow morning."

"That's nice." He goes back to singing, more Everclear. Note to self; don't borrow his I-pod.

A few agents stand outside of his room. The extra ones have started to arrive. I use the new ones to get the injured ones medical attention.

Toby is the next one to come out. At this point he ran out of self loathing alterative rock songs and starts sing ABBA, perhaps as another form of punishment.

"Why won't he shut up? He's been singing "Dancing Queen" ten minutes. I am tired and I want to go to sleep."

"But you can't. That's why he is singing."

Will starts in with "The Fortunate Son," which just leads to more groans from Toby.

"Some folks are born made to wave the flag

Ooh, they're red, white, and blue

And when the band plays "Hail to the Chief"

They point the cannon right at you

It ain't me, it ain't me

I ain't no senator's son"

"Damn it Will, it is you. You are the Fortunate Son. CCR could have named the song Will Bailey." Toby bellows across the hallway. It goes ignored by Will who keeps singing. "He is such an asshole."

"No he isn't."

"It was never your job to defend him. But don't worry, I got him good for you this morning."

A new horror washes over me.

"What do you mean? You didn't tell him why I left the White House did you? I mean you really aren't that dumb, right?"

"Define dumb?"

"OH MY GOD YOU DID!"

"Of course I did, why is it a bad thing?"

"Like they don't have enough to deal with, now they have to deal with that guilt? Don't you think there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't regret working for the Vice President. The only thing that made it easier was to think that all the ties he had at the White House was cut. Now to learn that everyone was worried about him that they sent a spy in to guide him along. How do you think that would make him feel?"

"Loved?"

"Like Hell. He probably feels more like a tool and a jackass together. The only thing worse would be if Josh found out too."

"Um, why is that bad?" Dear god. He looks so sheepish.

"Have you MET Josh Lyman? Do you know his EGO? It is so much easier for him to think that he is the good, all forgiving guy that takes back his wayward assistant then to think that she never betrayed or left him in the first place. I can't imagine how it could get any worse."

"Ok I need you to come up with a list of things that would be really bad for Josh to hear and I'll tell you if he knows."

"I am going to KILL you Toby.

1) To learn happen happened to me last night. I think he only saw Justin Hall kissing me. I don't think his mind could process anything else.

2) To hear that his friendship with you and CJ and everyone back at the White House is over.

3) Leo was had sex with his mother."

"Leo had sex with his mother?"

"No, but it would be very bad for him to hear." I mutter. Toby can't make eye contact with me anymore.

"How bad would it be if he heard the other two things?"

"Well, he just went into surgery thinking that he just lost everything in his whole world. It certainly doesn't give him much of a reason to push on. Why should he keep fighting if there isn't anything waiting for him at the end of the battle?"

He thinks he lost everything. He isn't strong enough to make it through the surgery. He could die thinking is alone. The hollow cavern that has been holding all my emotions in the last twenty four hours is being filled with despair unlike anything I have ever known.

This time, I really lost him.

"Jackson, remember we were supposed to come up with a signal if I wanted you to kill someone? Here's the signal, I am going to point to them and say shoot them." Jackson who is always two feet away from me, smiles. I point to Toby. "SHOOT HIM!"

"I really don't think that is a good idea Ms. Moss."

"Then what good are you!" I don't know what is worse having to deal with the emotional and physical ramifications of the bomb or dealing with everything else that just happened.

"Donna I can fix this."

"How, because you are so _emotionally available_? No, Toby you really can't fix this." Anger and silences fills any empty place in the room. "Are you really done with him? It is really over between you two?"

He doesn't answer. Unbelievable. "I've seen the footage seven times, thanks to CNN. Josh saved your life. He pulled you away from some shrapnel and landed on a jagged pole. You are the reason he got hurt in the first place." Screw sparing anyone feelings today.

"He called you a whore Donna."

"I don't see how one has to do with the other."

"It doesn't, not really. But you can't keep making excuses for him."

"Yeah, but today isn't the day to stop."

The thing that really bothers me about this is now I can't deal with my own issues until Josh and Will's are dealt with.

I storm off to deal with a broken Will.

Clearly he has overhead everything Toby and I said. He can't look up at me. He looks so pitiful, broken and alone. I sit on the side of his bed.

"Hi."

"Donna, you look awful."

"Gee thanks, Will, you look sexy yourself."

"Are you sure you aren't hurt?"

"It hasn't been a good day, my best friends almost died today, or maybe you didn't here." Silence. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" He starts to play with his temporary cast, the way a child plays with their fingers when they are getting in trouble.

"Do you believe in a vindictive god?"

"Yes." Time to be honest and help the healing occur.

"Am I being punished?"

"Yes."

"Do you hate me?"

"No."

"I hate myself."

"I can tell by your crappy music."

"Does Toby hate me?"

"I don't think so, but I will tell you a secret about Toby. He loves the Muppets."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to forgive me?"

"Sure, but not right away. You need to feel bad for a while. If I were to forgive you right now, you would feel even worse. So I will let you wallow for a while and when you really want to talk we will."

"Donna I have one last question. If I broke my arm, why did the hospital steal my pants?"

"I. Don't. Know."

"That's weird, right?"

"Yeah."


	31. Chapter thirty

Disclaimer: You know them by now.

Author's note: This is a Donna focused chapter, I wanted to show her loyality to the men in her life. I also like the interaction between the FBI and Donna. The song that is being song is, Joy to the World, by Three Dog Night. I just thought the final image is kinda sweet and funny. Donna's POV and Cindy's POV

* * *

So to recap the last few hours: 

I quit

The stage blew up

Toby and Will are out of surgery

Josh knows all my dark secrets

Will won't stop singing the Muppet Theme song.

Toby has started to sing too.

I have called the White House seven times, Senator Vinick three times, and my mother once.

After seventeen tries I still haven't reached Andi.

I am campaign manager.

Both Will and Toby are missing their pants.

It's only 10:30 am. It's going to be a long day,

I grab Ronna who is running down the hallway. "Ronna do you need a break from the hospital?" She just got here about an hour ago, but she is already looking rough.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Will, Toby and Matt will be released today and we can't have them leaving in the same clothes they arrived here with. You know, reporters and pictures. I don't want a vomit and blood stained picture of our guys to greet America tomorrow morning in the newspapers. This is what we need: track pants, not kakis or jeans, an NO sweat pants. They gross me out. But their pants can't have zippers on them. These are very proud men who will not want help putting on their pants. White shirts and ties. Most likely you will need to buy some underwear and undershirts too."

"OK, how will I be paying for this?"

"While their pants are missing, I did mange to get their wallets. Did you know Will withdrew nearly $500.00 for his date with Kate tonight?" A devilish smiles makes it way across my face.

"Really, how interesting."

"Enjoy shopping."

I signal and two agents follow her. Ned is still on the phone canceling events and trying to explain to rather heartless event coordinators why we have to cancel. Seriously. American is filled with idiots sometimes.

Jackson, and New Guy point my attention to Ron Butterfield and some other men I don't recognize. They lead me into a private room, the nurses break room. Poor Cindy has to clear the room and get the evil eye from her fellow employees.

They point to a chair, you know because I am an idiot who does know where to sit down. Hrump.

The other two men are introduced as FBI agents who were assigned to my case. They state their names but I don't care what they are, so I rename them Mulder and Scully.

Mulder starts to speak slowly, painfully slowly and puts his hand on my knee to comfort me. He talks about the kind of bomb that was use, blah, blah, blah. Then his face becomes very serious. Every word is snail slow and he pats my knee with every syllable.

"Are you aware that you have been receiving death threats?"

Is this guys serious? Does he think my IQ is 65? So I respond back, "YYEESSS." Jackass.

New Guy, Butterfeild and Jackson smirk. Mulder is slightly taken back by my response.

"Well Ms. Moss I am sorry to inform you that it looks like from our data, you were in fact the target." Ok if this son of a bitch doesn't get his hand off my knee in three seconds, I will rip off his fingers one by one.

Now I know I am not at my most charming right now. I know am I a little cranky. But still, no one should be talking to me like I am a six year old. I have nine hundred other things to be doing and talking to this asshat is not one of them.

"No Shit! The bomb went off where I normally stand, to the left of Josh. No one knew I wasn't going to be there. There was a letter bomb sent to our hotel two nights ago. Why are you wasting my time with information I figured out thirty seconds after the stage exploded?"

"Well, the FBI would like to apologize for any inconvenience that this brings you."

"INCONVENIENCE? My friends almost died! You had two weeks to work on this. Who did you have working on it, five interns and a hamster?"

"Ms. Moss that is simply not true. We are here to help you any way we can."

"Great I have an X-file for you. My boys are missing their pants. FIND THEM."

"We were thinking more in the lines of protection."

"I have protection. I have the Secret Service." I storm out of the room. There is a very short list of men I respect more then the Secret Service, and it's whom they protect. The FBI has done nothing for me and will continue to be a burden.

Why is it that the one day I need strength and understanding from the men who surround me, they are only being a pain in the ass.

Cindy informs me that Matt will be out of surgery soon, Josh will be in for another hour.

It's been at least a half an hour since I last checked on him. My cell phone has been attached to my ears for the last few hours, but it is when I see Josh I put it away.

I have my pattern: call the White House, call Helen, call family members, call Bram at the headquarters, call Vinick, try to call Andi, check on Josh. He has to be the last thing.

Now I have been given free rein of the hospital, none of the staff stop me. I am not sure why most operating rooms have glass windows, is there really a need for people to watch? I take my place, and watch for a few minutes. The doctors seem to be talking to Josh.

He looks so pale, empty. I wonder if he can feel any of it? I would if he is awake. He turns his head. I guess he is. His eyes force themselves open, but it is a colossal struggle.

When did I start touching the glass? His eyes, they aren't vacate like they were a few hours ago. Small sparks of life start to show.

His eyes: hey

I can read his eyes again. Hope washes over me for the first time today.

Mine eyes: Hey yourself.

His eyes: You are still here.

Mine eyes: Where else would I be?

His eyes: Will you be there when I wake up?

Mine eyes: Of course

His eyes: Good

He shuts them and turns his head away and winces in pain, he starts to moan. The doctors rush and give him an injection.

Poor baby. A mixture of sadness, sympathy and joy will the cavern of my emotions. He is alive and he will get through this. This man is much stronger then I expected, which doesn't surprise me at all.

It's going to be a long few weeks, recovery with Josh Lyman is never a simple process, it is always long, emotional and slow.

Damn, and I just thought we recovered from the last set of injuries.

I walk about to the rest of my recovery men, my walking wounded, my singing wounded.

The silence hits me like a stampede of elephants. The place was never silent, Will and Toby were singing, my cell phone was going off. Even the Secret Service who wallpaper the hallways were always muttering something.

The off key singing, wasn't just for Will to vent all of his emotions, or to keep Toby awake, it was to keep me distracted, but to make this horrible sterile white place, less horrible.

Now this leaves me alone with my thoughts.

I was the target.

These great men were hurt because of me.

I caused all of this.

I am the only one not hurt because Josh and I got into a fight.

Josh could have died and it would have been my fault.

Helen could have had to raise two boys on her own.

I could have died.

This guy really wants me dead, but I am so nice.

I can feel my face begin to change, tighten, the lump that has been living in my throat is moving up towards my mouth.

That's when I hear, "Jeremiah was a bull frog"

* * *

This Donna Moss creature is amazing. She talks to the President like he is her father, she is running an entire election campaign from her cell phone and she just told the FBI to go to hell. 

This woman is my hero. Ok so I was listening in to her conversation, it was me and every other person in the hallway. I mean she is yelling pretty loud. I watched the agents' faces when she said she already has protection, they were beaming with pride. I overhear two of them talking.

"You know she's the one who brings us cookies on Monday mornings."

"I know, did you here she took out Wilson. He is going to be pissing blood for a week."

"Wilson is such a tool." That one rolled his eyes.

She's quite remarkable. She has quite a weight to hold up, and I know something the others don't know. Her ribs are broken. Every minute she is getting paler and breathing less frequently. I want to help her, give her some pain killers, but to do that she would have to admit there was a problem. To admit there was a problem she would have to take a break, Stop. Seek help. None of this is an option. For her to stop she would be faced with all that had happened in the last few hours.

I watch her as she leave's Josh Lyman room. The Secret Service always gives her more space when she goes to visit him, every other minute they are practically crawling up her ass.

I have never seen men like these guys. Alert, watchful, backs firmly placed against the wall. All of them are banged and bruised, but they have a job to do and their personal inconvenience will not hinder it.

She walks back to the recovery rooms where Will Bailey and Toby Zeiger were being held. Will was taken away for more testing and x-rays. The recovery rooms are eerily quiet. Even I have to admit, I liked his singing, even if I have the Muppet's theme song stuck in my head.

I watch her as every emotion is displayed on her face. Everything is hitting her at once. The other agents see it too. I hear a sign and the one she keeps calling Jackson starts to sing.

"Jeremiah was a bull frog." The agent next to him starts to sing along too. "Was a good friend of mine. I never understood a single word he said. But I helped him a-drink his wine. And he always had some mighty fine wine."

No joke her face lights up and all the other agents start singing:

Joy to the world  
All the boys and girls, now  
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea  
Joy to you and me

Some of them are doing hand motions for the fish. She walked over to Jackson and rests her head on his chest, but leaves quite a bit of space between their bodies.

"We will get through this Ms. Moss."

"Thank you, Jackson."

Truly amazing.


	32. Chapter thirty one

Disclaimer: You know.

Author's notes: Not much to say today. I like this chapter, I like its tone. Its different from the others, a little more character development, in case there hasn't been enough of that. Oh I love the sceen with Donna andCharlie. Donna's POV.

* * *

The Secret Service is still singing to me when Ned comes up and hands me a message, I neither want to read or relay. He gives me one of those you can't shoot the messenger looks. 

Matt Santos comes rolling in to the recovery rooms. The hospital has sealed off this part for us, although I think more of it has to do the thirty-armed men then for my convenience.

He looks at me with questioning eyes. "Donna, what are you doing here?"

"I've been here before you were."

"I thought I was hallucinating."

"Really, that's sort of a lame hallucination."

"Why are people singing?"

"To make me feel better, I think."

"Oh, that makes sense. Where is Helen?"

"She should be here soon. She had to make a brief stop in Georgia."

"Why?"

"Because Bob Russell needed to stop."

"Huh?"

"She was picked up by Air Force Two. I've been talking to her all day."

"Really, isn't that weird?"

"That people would want to help you? No." I smile at him, and I point to his arm, "Only one fracture, wuss."

He laughs, God he looks drained, and I can't blame him.

"Are you feeling ok Donna, you look awful?"

"I am fine." Each word filled with spite. He smirks; he realizes that he wasn't the first person to point it out.

I sign and deliver the message I've been dreading for the past few minutes. "Sir, reporters are posted outside of your children's camp. Helen's sister Beth is on her way to pick them up. As far as I know the boys don't know what happened, but the reporters started questioning the staff at the camp."

"SON OF A BITCH!"

"Sir, I will take care of this."

"How?"

"I have very powerful friends." The words sink in and he gazes at me recalling all the events of the flight to DC.

"Donna, you don't work for us any more."

"I am here as long as you need me, sir." I handed him one of the many cell phones I have been toting around with me. "Call Helen, she is worried sick." I leave his room when my cell phone rings.

"Donna, its Charlie."

"Did you shave that THING off your face?"

"No."

Dial tone.

I have sacrificed most of my morals today, but I will stand firm with Charlie, someone has to. CJ calls me a few seconds later and yells at me to stop hanging up on the boy wonder. We chat, I ask her to send someone up to kill those reporters. She says she personally contacted the local police. CJ's the woman!

Cindy and Ned both greet me with information. Leo is coming to the recovery rooms now and Josh should be there in a few minutes. She says the last few minutes he has really been fighting. The first minutes of peace wash over me. Then Ned speaks.

"Amy Gardner is here."

"What?" Shock and confusion riddle my voice.

"She's here in the waiting room. She's been here for about a half hour. She wants to speak to you."

"Yeah like I don't have enough to worry about." I roll my eyes at this huge nuisance in my way.

I decide to talk to Leo before I deal with the Bitch from Hell. Leo looks just as tired as the others. This time it wasn't as bad for him, not double digits hours of surgery. His eyes weakly flicker open.

"Hey you." I say in the doorway.

"Hey yourself." Everything about him is weak, smile and voice included.

"Does it hurt, Leo?"

"Yeah."

"Then we're square."

"If you say so Donna." That will be the extent of the conversation I will ever have with Leo about last night, about forgiveness, about the bombing.

I take the elevator with Jackson and New Guy, which I finally learned his name was Jefferson. Dead presidents are protecting my life.

Amy Gardener, ice queen extraordinaire, the embodiment of a woman in DC, strong can sense weakness and will pounce. For whatever reason she is here, it can't be good.

When I see her, she looks like everyone else I have seen today, hollow, scared and shaking.

"Amy?" I am not even sure if it is her.

"Donna!" She runs and embraces me. Excruciating fire once again shoots over my body, my knees weaken and if Amy wasn't there, I would have fallen. "Donna, I drove here as soon as I heard!"

Why? I don't understand. Then the waterfall start, she sobs uncontrollably. I guide her to a chair and in unison we sit. I have never seen her like this. Who knew she had emotions? "Are they ok?" I fill her in on their current situation. If I thought her reaction was bad before, Yikes.

"Are you ok?" Great thinking Donna, great uses of the English Language.

"I made fun of him."

"What? When?" I have no clue what she is talking about.

"Back in California, Josh was freaking out over a kids movie and I made fun of him. Will said that was because I didn't know what it was like to think someone you care about could be dead. But today, I know." The weeping continues on my shoulder. What do you do in this sort of a situation? I hate this woman, I loathe her. She used Josh, insults me a regular basis and now I am left supporting her in her time of need?

"You must hate me!"

So I say the first thing that comes to my head, "Of course I hate you, Amy, but it has very little to do with this." Eye contact is made, and laughter ensues. The belly laughs are sending fire through my body. Now I have a problem. I have to ask Amy for help. I hug her again and whisper, "I need you to come to the bathroom with me."

She whispers back, "You aren't planning to kill me in there?" I shake my head. "Hey, do you know where the restroom is, Donna?"

"Sure let me take you there." I turn my attention to my shadows. "You boys don't want to come in do you?"

"No, I think you can handle this on your own." Jackson chuckles.

Amy and I cross the waiting room and enter the bathroom. This one is pink, which I might add is a little insulting. I pull off my jacket with fire and throbbing. "I need you to look at something, I can't show Ronna or any one else because they might freak out."

"Is this going to change our relationship?" She is clearly uncertain about where this is going, although I can't really blame her.

"Yeah, and it will get a little socially awkward as well." As I start unbutton my shirt, I turn away from her and expose my back. "Is it bad?"

I hear a gasp, "Oh my god what happened?"

"Is it bad?"

"Yeah, you have a massive bruise along your back and your ribs, it black and red. You have nice cut as well, it stopped bleeding but it looks like it could start at any time. What happened?"

"I ran into a filing cabinet."

"No really what happened."

"I was slammed against a filing cabinet."

"How?"

"The secret service wouldn't let me leave the building and I um put a fight."

My words soak into her brain, everything about her changes, her face softens, her voice kinder. There is something new about her, respect, for the first time she respects me.

"Does it hurt?"

"Only to breathe, walk or talk." Somehow I force a smile and pull my shirt back on.

"You need to see a doctor, conveniently you are in a hospital."

"I am fine." It is quickly becoming my mantra. Amy is the first person not to believe me, or at least to call me on it.

"Sorry, but you are seeing a doctor, now! I am sure the nice men the black suits out there would be interested to hear what happened."

Oh my God she wants to take my power from me. This is my show and she wants in and to steal the spot light. How to play this?

I could be mean and bitchy, but that will only make it worse.

I could be honest, but she will sense it as weakness. Go with the old stand by, change topics. "Josh will be coming out of surgery any minute now if you want to see him." She recoils.

"I am not the one he is going to want to see." I am not sure, myself, if he is going to want to see me.

"Then why did you come?"

"I just thought this is where I needed to be." I had to laugh, I never saw any similarities between us, night and day, ying and yang, but here we are, with the same thoughts, same logic. Suddenly I am not nearly as insulted that Josh wanted to be with her over me.

"When is the press conference?"

"In an hour. Do you want the visit him after that?"

"Sure. Hey, if you haven't seen a doctor after the press conference that I'll have to step in. Understand."

"Yeah." I finish buttoning up and glance at myself in the mirror. Wow, I really do look rough. The dark rings around my eyes really contrast my alabaster skin. My hair is disheveled and my shirt is all wrinkly, I look like the walking dead.

"Good luck later."

"Thanks Amy." We leave the bathroom and some of our mutual hatred behind us as well.

After deep breathing exercises that only seem to make the gnawing worse. Although the recover ward reminds me, my pain is fractional compared to the others. Cindy tells me they are moving Josh now into his room. She asks if I need anything, I tell her no, I think she knows I'm hurt.

I'm on the phone with Vinick when they wheel Josh into his room. Cautiously I enter. He looks good, well not good, better then he did six years ago. Still painfully pale, still painfully motionless. Small moans breech his mouth and before I know it I am next to him.

He is not the same man he was last night.

He is not the same man he was yesterday morning, a lifetime ago.

This is Hurt Josh, Pitiful Josh. This is the Josh that needs me and the rest of the world can wait.

"Donna." Panic, and isolation fills his voice, he didn't want to wake up alone. I clench his hand.

"I'm here Josh." The smallest smile quivers the faintest eyes lashes flicker. He opens his eyes.

"You look terrible."

"I look terrible?" Echoes from another conversation, but still I am getting a little sick of here it, even if it is the truth.

We have a lot to talk about, George is back and he is currently occupying all the same our bodies, the medical equipment and the bed doesn't fill.

"Donna." He doesn't so want to talk as much as he just wants to know I am here, with him. His fingers slowly rub my knuckles, his thumb concentrated on my ring finger. The repeated motion of his fingers, starts to slow down my heart which has been on overdrive all morning.

I am taken back by his simple breathing, the rise and fall of his chest, the sound of the air escaping his lips. He is alive. The significance sinks in. Josh is alive, we have more time together. That's all that matters. Time.

I watch his eyes focus on me, looking at me as if it was the first time. I could stay here, all day, forever, just watching him watch me.

"You should get some sleep."

"Will you be here when I wake up?" I don't know, I am very busy.

"I won't be far, Josh. I am never far." Against my better judgment I lean in a kiss him gently. First in the forehead, platonic, safe, it's the second kiss that will get me in trouble. The second one, light, airy on the lips, I linger there a little to long, just to get a better taste of him, salty. It's the second kiss that I place too much weight on my ribs. Don't wince. Don't let him see you in pain. I back away and hoarsely whisper, "Goodnight."

The hallway, away from his eyes and his fears. I am safe here, to show my anguish.

I could turn to the wall, so no one can see me wreathing in pain. But I don't have time.

Scully runs into me, at full force. Hands moving me out of the way, hands on my ribs.

Fire, heat, ice, cold, my month fills with saliva, my body throbs.

The blood curtly scream echoes through the halls. I hit the ground on my knees. I blackout before the chaos starts.


	33. chapter thirty two

Disclaimers: You know I do own some of these character, Cindy, Jackson and Jefferson are mine. Every body else is owned by Sorkin.

Author's note: I really like this chapter because my story so far, it should have been,(if I wrote it right) a steady incline of Donna's strength, from the first chapter to now. I like writing what's happening from Cindy's point of view because I see has a Donna eight years ago, sort of. The last line of this chapter is from my all time favorite episodes of "Sports Night." (another wonderful show from the great god Sorkin) called "The Quality of Mercury at 29K".

Josh's POV and Cindy POV.

Thank you again for all the feed back.

* * *

They are moving me, after poking, prodding and stitching me they are finally moving me. 

I've stopped. Am I in a room? Am I alone? Of course I am alone, who would be with me?

"Donna?" It's hopeful wish fulfillment.

"I am here Josh." Really? Peace fills me, she's here. My eyes flicker open, slowly registered the light and images around me.

"You look awful." I tease her, she however does not find it amusing. She does look pale but I still think she is the most beautiful woman in the world. There is so much to say, and that damn elephant is back. But I am unable to speak more the short phrases. Sure there is a lot that could be said, but for now I am content rubbing her ring finger. I ask her is she will be here when I awake. She says she won't be far away. Her lips press against my forehead. She's still mad at me, this platonic kiss hurts as much as my side. We are slipping away from each other, all bonds have been severed, or have they. Her lips press against mine, soft and sweet. Hope and second, no third, chance.

She winces, is she hurt? How can she be? She was at the White House. She tells me goodnight and my eyes shut.

A screech unlike anything I have ever known fills my ears. A banshee cry freezes all the blood in my body.

My eyes shoot open, the ceiling is all I see.

Donna, what happened to Donna? Am I screaming? My body won't corporate with my mind. I want to jump out of bed and sprint to the hallway, but nothing will move.

Voices fill the air.

"Ms. Moss. What happened?" Jackson

"Oh my god!" I don't know who said it

"What's wrong with Donna?" Will

"Get her into x-ray." Same unfamiliar voice.

"Is she ok?" Matt

"Ms. Moss can you hear me?" Unknown voice.

Noises and voices blend together, I am tried and it is very hard to focus on anything.

Donna's hurt. I don't know how it happened, but she's hurt.

Did it happen while she was in the White House?

Did it happen while she was here?

How did it happen?

Who hurt her?

Did it happen last night?

Donna.

Donna, what have I done to you?

* * *

She just left the room we put Josh Lyman. She looks awful, it's only getting worse, I think I am going to have to step in soon. But after the press conference, she's been working hard on that I don't want to take that from her. The way I see it, these people live and die by press conferences. So who am I to stop it. 

The FBI agent runs into her. She screams and falls to the ground like a rag doll. The pain was overwhelming and she blacks out. Dr Patel screams orders, chaos is running the show. Her agents are at her side. The Tall one, Jackson I think, lifts the backs of her shirt to reveal a massive bruise. He lifts her and take her down the x-ray room.

The walking wounded stick their heads out of the their rooms, like prairie dogs. They cry for Donna. Of course they would, she is their life blood, their everything. Without her, they are empty and lost.

I run along side with the doctors and rest of her company. She wakes from her temporary coma.

The doctor starts questioning her repeatedly. But she ignores them and focuses on me.

"Tell Josh I am fine, he is going to bust his stitches otherwise."

"Ms. Moss what happened?"

"I ran into a filing cabinet when I was leaving the White House. Please Cindy to have to tell him." Right now her only thought is Josh and I am the only person in the room. The five other people shouting at her becomes white noise. I nod and peace comes to her. She tells me the rest of the message.

The hallway is filled with men who should not be out of bed and wide eyed panic.

"She's fine!" I yell over their questions. "She ran into a filing cabinet in the White House. When I find out more information you will be their first people to know."

I enter Josh's darkened room "She wants you to calm down."

"Is she ok? What happened?"

"She ran into a filing cabinet."

"No really, what happened?"

"That's all that she told me, but she wants you to know she will be fine and that it didn't happen last night so don't feel bad you didn't have anything to do with this. She said don't die on that cross."

"I'm Jewish."

"So you don't get the reference?" I asked with sarcasm oozing from my mouth. He nods and smiles. But he goes back to worrying. "I will be back soon with more information."

As I return to Donna's side, her two agents are screaming at each other. "I left her at the White House, she should have been safe. What the hell happened?"

"I'm sorry, but she took out Wilson and I saw her as a threat."

"Did you even look at her?" Jackson screams at Jefferson.

"I think it is pretty obvious that I didn't. I slammed her against the filing cabinet and pulled my gun. She didn't yelp in pain, she never complained, how was I supposed to know she got hurt?"

"Because you slammed her against a filing cabinet!" Jefferson slides down the wall and places his head between his knees.

"Do you think she is hurt bad?"

"You broke her ribs! Yeah I think she is hurt bad!"

I leave this pity party and enter the room they are keeping her. She is going ten rounds with the doctor, he wants to admit her and she has no desire to let that happen. Her biggest concern is the press conference scheduled in an half an hour. Her cell phone rings once again she looks at me like I am the only person in the room. I answer it and a familiar voice speaks.

"Oh, hello, Sir. You heard about Donna? Yes the doctor is giving her a hard time about the press conference." Her eyebrows rise; she knows who I am talking to. I hand the phone over to the doctor. "He wants to speak to you." The devilish smile on my face is mirrored on hers.

The doctor grabs the phone, "Hello." No sense of decorum. His face drops, eyes wide, sweat starts to form. "Hello, Mr. President, your highness. Yes she is here. No she isn't being a bad patient; she's just stubborn about this press conference. WHAT? You want me to give the medical aspects for the conference? No sir, I am not a political expert. No sir, I do not think her injuries are life threatening. Um. Well, I guess we could admit her but wait a few minutes to treat her."

VICTORY!

She beams and she knows she has already won. The doctor is all a glow. I wonder if I was this star stuck. No, I was much cooler than that.

Donna refuses pain medications until after the press conference, she says it make her loopy.

She takes a deep breath, the kind you take when you need strength. She is going to need all she can get, because now she has to inform _the men_. None of them will be happy about this.

"Jackson I am going to need you to call Ron Butterfeild back here again, he's going to be giving the security portion of the press conference. Clean yourself up too, I am going to need you there."

"WHAT!"

"You too, Jefferson." She gives him a "you're forgiven" smile.

"LIKE HELL!" Jackson spits.

"Excuse me?" Big mistake. The three of them are walking to the recovery rooms. Her eyes are focused and fiery. She's pissed. No one has been successful in telling her what to do.

"You were the target of an assassination attempt! The only reason why you weren't killed is because your boyfriend called you a whore! You broke your ribs, you look like hell. You can't do this."

Wow! She was the target. She _IS_ having a bad day.

Her voice gets low and serious, "Jackson I have to do this. I have to show this guy I am not afraid of him."

The Josh's voice bellows, "Well, he scares the hell out of me!"

Congressman Santos, and Toby Zeigler nod in agreement.

"Donna it's not worth it. Please don't." Josh begs from his bed. She can't see him, I don't think she really wants to. From what I can gather, from the news footage and the montage CNN played about his career an hour ago, he is a proud and strong man who refuses to show weakness. To beg her publicly, it must be killing him.

There is something going on, a tension I simply haven't been able to place. Leo McGarry says something unexpected, "Go for the jugular Donna, go ahead say it."

Bitterness and anger fill Will's voice, "Donna's to good for that, Leo. She has to much dignity and honor, she won't say what we are all thinking. She won't say that she isn't afraid of this guy, because he hasn't done as much damage to her in two weeks and we have in the last 24 hours." Will returns to his room, hidden from the others. No one makes eye contact. No one speaks.

You know when you see a mistake coming. You know when you want to say, "Stop, don't do it." You know when you can't because it is happening in slow motion, but your brain is functioning at an even slower pace?

Her safety is still heavy on Jackson's mind, he plays a poor gambit. "You can't do it, Ms. Moss. You look like shit."

Smooth. She has been holding on to her sanity by a very small thread. Snap.

"If one more man tells me how awful I look I will choke him with his own testicles." Her voice bellows, echoes, causes men to stop in their tracks.

Jefferson, "You look really hot today."

Leo: "Never better, Donna."

Toby: "If it wasn't flagrantly inappropriate I would have sex with you right now."

She rolls her eyes. Ronna comes back from where ever she was hiding, with a suit, "Amy Gardener set this up, she said you might need a fresh suit for your press conference."

"Excuse me Donna, but I have some make-up and I am sure the other nurses have something to help you out." I offer. She smiles and we whisk her away from the idiot men and into the haven of the pink bathroom.

I confess, "Wow you are really incredible." She laughs, "Clearly you never met CJ Cregg, Dr. Bartlet. Hey let me tell you about Mrs. Landingham." I brush her hair as Ronna works on her make up. Donna recounts tales of survival, humor and passion.

Sometimes we see so many people, a constant blur of faces, we forget how amazing we can really be.

Minutes before the press conference, she calls CJ for last minute tips. Her nerves are beginning to show. But the wonders of a fresh coat of make-up and a few deep breaths, hide most of it. I watch her emerge from the ladies room a different woman. She turns to Dr. Patel, Ron Butterfeild, Jackson, Jefferson and other agents as says, "Ready boys?"

Fear and uncertainty reflect on the men's faces. Dr. Patel is repeating his statement, the agents are going over their security checks, Ron Butterfield is hoping he won't get sued by this victim of assault in the White House.

Donna radiates strength; she is going into a battle and leading an army who is falling into formation behind her.

I didn't know we could do that.


	34. Chapter Thrity Three The Press Confrence

Disclaimers: You know them

Author's notes: You know how one image one idea can strike a nerve and create inspiration? Well Donna's press conference was the whole reason I wrote this story. Yep 33 chapters to get to this moment. So here it is. Its told from LOTS of different POVs. Cindy starts us off with the press conference itself. We get one line of Donna. Annabeth's reaction. Vinick's reaction. Donna's complete reaction and Josh's reaction. Lots of reactions at once. Over the past couple of chapter's Donna's mood has been a little snarky, and it all comes to a head here. Which I think is quite natural, because if I had her day I'd be a little bitchy too. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

The clock moves closer to noon and the men are getting antsy. I call in some favors, and I have a TV rolled into Josh's room. Leo is rolled in via wheel chair and the others just walk in. All of them feeling very conscious of the tissue paper thin gowns, they are wearing. 

Sure we could be watching from the window, the press conferences is on the hospital steps but still, somehow it seems cooler watching it on the TV. Rounds are just going to have to wait for a minute.

The Press Conference starts, that Butterfeild guy talks about the explosives used, but mostly says, "The Secret Service does not comment on procedure." Then doctor Patel speaks about their injuries. Blah, Blah, Blah. He mispronounces some of the words, which I will have to tease him about later.

The whole room perks up when Donna starts to speak.

"Hello, my name is Donna Moss and I will answer any questions on behalf of the Santos/ McGarry campaign. Yes, in the back."

"Trevor O'Brien from Albany press." Her face turns icy.

"Oh the Albany Press, were you the ones who sent reporter to the summer camp where the Santos children were?"

"Um. Yes."

"I see. Well, we have no time for sensational and irresponsible journalism here; this is where the grow-up work. I am going to have to ask you to leave."

No one in the hospital room moves, but there is a connective feeling of "Holy Shit."

Jackson and Jefferson remove the poor reporter from the group.

"Next question."

"Hospital reports say there was any other person admitted, related to the bombing. Who was it?"

Dr. Patel goes to answer, but Donna stops him. "You guys know me, right. I am the White House aid who took a meeting with a communist. My car exploded nearly a year ago. I yelled at a man in a chicken suit on camera. So when I tell you my life is a series of bad luck and choices, none of you should be surprised." There is a small chuckle from the reporters. "I ran into a filing cabinet while I was sprinting out of the White House." She looks directly into the camera. "Mom, I will call you when I am finished with the press conference. I know. I am a very bad daughter. I should have told you hours ago, but I thought I was fine. I will call you. Don't call me." She looks back at the reporters. "By the way thank you very much, I now lost daughter of the year. Next question."

"Why wasn't the President there this morning as scheduled? For that matter, why weren't you there Ms. Moss?"

Donna sighs. I can tell she is thinking the answer over. Since I was eavesdropping in all of her conversations today, I learned that the President had an MS attack last night. She could say that. But she doesn't.

"I was being a brat." Every eyebrow goes up in unison, in the room and with the reporters. "Last night at 11:45 I quit the Santos Campaign." Camera's flash, questions exploded. "I will not go into detail about my reasoning for leaving, I will say that my logical at 11:45 last night, simply doesn't seem important after then events from today. This is why I wasn't at the event this morning. It is also why the President wasn't there. I was my friend CJ Cregg to take the event off the President's schedule. I was emotional at the time and I wanted to do as much damage as possible. Toby Zeigler was replaced for the event, and because I was being spiteful, he was injured. For that Toby, I will be eternally sorry." She pauses. "Next question."

"If you don't work for the campaign why are you here?"

"Because this is where I needed to be. Nothing else mattered. I was running on instinct and ran into a filing cabinet as well."

"Do you know who the target was?"

"Yes, but we will not be releasing that information out at this time. Family still needs to be contacted."

"Do you know who did this?"

"The Secret Service and FBI are currently working on it."

"Will the effect the campaign schedule?"

"Yes, we will be taking a week off, no events, no press. This is a time to spend with family and let the healing begin."

"Ms. Moss, how do you think this will affect the up coming election?" This question appears to take her back.

"Could you repeat the question?"

"Do you think it will affect America's opinion of your Candidate?"

She pauses. "You are asking me if I think we are going to win, because someone tried to kill us? I can't think of anything worse. To win because the country feels bad for us. Listen, I firmly believe that your vote is the most important thing you can do as an American. You shouldn't throw it away because you feel sorry that someone doesn't like us enough to want to kill us. Listen, if you don't believe in our tax plan, don't vote for us. If you don't agree with our educational plan or foreign trade policies do not waste your vote. Our ideas have been to the good of the country and if you don't think that it is. Don't vote for us." She pauses once again. "We are often reminded of how precious our time on this plant is. And when events like this happen people often want to send flowers or gifts so that the victims know that people's thoughts and prays are with them. Please do not send flowers, we understand that you may be concerned but if you are moved to do something because of this event, make it meaningful. You should donate to your favorite charity, not the democratic national party. Donate your time, help other people, that is the only way to truly make this a better country. Give blood, it saved President's Bartlet's life, Leo McGarry's life, my life and Josh Lyman's life, twice." Her voice betrays her emotions just once. "Um. Thank you very much".

* * *

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! Did I just tell the American public NOT TO VOTE FOR US?

* * *

CJ and I just stare at the TV for a few seconds. 

"Did she just…" I ask.

"Yep."

CJ picks up the phone and put Donna on speaker phone. "Donna, honey how is it going?"

"Did you see it?" Her voicedfill withfear.

"Yeah."

"Maybe no one else saw it."

"I don't think that is possible, sweetie, they broke into regular programming and all the 24 news channels just went to commercial."

"Why did they do that?"

"They are trying figure out how to spin it."

"Oh god!" I hear some thumping in the background.

"Its going to be fine Donna, just don't piss off Santos or the DNC and you should still have a job. You could always come back here. I don't think Press Secretary is still an option but still."

"Thanks CJ. Can you hold on I have another call."

CJ looks at me with a mysterious smile, one that reflects my own. "I think she did a great job, she was honest and endearing. She took a pretty big bullet for the White House. Moss would be a perfect candidate."

"Annabeth, she did much more then just give a press conference. She changed history."

* * *

Oh my god, did she just tell America not to vote for Santos? Did she just hand me the election? 

Shelia is the first to speak. "Did she just tell America to vote for us?"

"Yep."

"Hmmm." None of us know how to react. Let's face it, that is one hell of an endorsement. I turn to Bruno for advice.

"Well, what do you think Bruno?"

"This thing is going to spin five ways. Good for us, America takes her message to heart. Bad for us, America feels bad for Santos and he wins with America's deepest sympathies. Good for Donna, she becomes America's sweetheart. Bad for Donna, she becomes a politically mastermind, one who is manipulating the press, there would be a horrible backlash against her."

"I really don't want that to happen. It just doesn't seem like her. I mean what kind of woman, quits her job and makes it to the hospital before her former boss."

Shelia speaks, in her motherly way, "I am very good at spotting BS, I have a teenager. But I have to say, I believed every word she said."

"I've met her on the Bartlet re-election campaign. She was Josh Lyman's assistant. She's a light weight, nothing to worry about.."

"What is the fifth option, Bruno?"

"The campaign stays entirely issued based and continues on the course it is. They will have a temporary boost in the poles but it should go back down. We have a stronger issued based ideas.. If it spins neutral, everything will be fair game until November. But any of the other four ways will back fire and burn both campaigns."

"I guess I will give Ms. Moss a quick call." I dial the number that has been dialing mine all day.

"Ms. Moss How are you doing today?"

"Wonderful," Sarcasm oozes from her mouth. "Are you calling to offer me a job?" I hear a thumping noise in the background. Her voice is dripping with despair and disappointment.

"Well rumor has it, you are currently unemployed. Ms. Moss what is that thumping sound?"

"My head against the nurse's station." Sheila and I smile, even Bruno has to admit she does have a level of sweetness and charm. "Is there anything I can do for you, sir. Anything, besides endorsing you?"

"No, Ms. Moss I think you have done more then enough. But I think there is something I can do for you. We are going to stop campaign for a while. When you guys start back up, we will to." Bruno rolls his eyes, this was clearly not what he expected. Shelia knows what I was going to say before I picked up the phone.

"Sir, I don't know what to say." Her voice rises slightly, hopeful. "Maybe we could do a kick off event together."

"I think that would be wonderful."

"Sir, do you think you could send a representative to the security meeting tomorrow morning? The Secret Service will be looking at their security procedures and don't want you to think we are getting this stuff because the President our big brother."

"I would never think like that. I will be there to wish my best to Congressmen Santos and his family."

"Sir, as per our discussion earlier this morning I am going to inform you of the target before I contact the press."

"There is no need for that."

"Sir, I have a system here, and I would like to keep using it."

"I look forward to speaking to you later."

"I have another call the DNC wants to yell at me."

"Good luck, Ms. Moss."

"Thank you, Sir."

* * *

I can't believe I told America not to vote for my candidate. Did I tell them not to donate to us either? Did I talk to my mother during the press conference? 

Ronna's sympathy filled eyes follow me, no one will make eye contact with me, not the doctor or Ron or any of the other agents.

"I might not be a politically expert, but didn't you just lose the election?" replies the doctor, who I now hate.

I start to bang my head against the nurses station. Jackson puts a beanie baby under my head in between bangs.

Ronna hands me a phone. "CJ." I nod, she gives me some advice. I don't think my day could get any worse. Ronna hands me another phone, Vinick. She doesn't hang up on CJ, I guess she figures I am going to keep talking to her. Vinick does his best to cheer me up. It works briefly, I stop banging, he will stop campaigning for the week.

Then the call from the DNC. He starts to yell at me. Screaming. None of this surprises me. I start to make the trek back to the recovery rooms. I am tuning most of his hateful words out, I get the message, I ruined the party, other people are running elections other then just Santos. Blah Blah Blah. I am in the Recovery Room hallway when I hear:

"My god you are one stupid bitch."

I have put up with a lot of crap today. This is when I snap.

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME A STUPID BITCH?" I bellow.

* * *

Donna thanks the crowd. The TV cuts to commercials. The meds are hindering me from thinking. Did she just say America should not vote for us? Is she trying to kill me? 

"How many ways could this thing spin?" Santos' voice quivers. It was just then I realize I am not alone in the room. The others have the same agape jaw I do. Will and Toby exchanged glances.

"Four. One good for us, one bad for us. The two the give us the most problems is the way the media will spin Donna. She could become the next American sweetheart or…"

"Or?" My voice quivers. Nothing can happen to Donna, not after all this.

"Or the media dubs her as a political mastermind who is using a tragic event to her personal benefit."

"We can't let that happened! Toby call Cliff Calley." Panic fills my voice. I am screaming, as if the louder my voice is the faster people will move. Leo and Matt are stare at the screen very intently. Toby finally takes out the cell phone Donna left behind so he can talk to CJ. He calls Cliff.

"Cliff, its Toby. Oh you saw too. What do you think? Yeah I think they are screwed too." Four pairs of eyes glare at Toby. "Charlie thinks it's a good thing? Did that mustache effect his brain?"

"Toby." He needs some redirection.

"Josh is spazing out now about Donna. Do you think you could call… Oh your already on it."

"She needs to be protected. Her image is all she has. We can't let her go down in a fiery ball with the rest of us!" I yep. Leo nods. His own senses of protection and loyalty has been triggered.

"The President had an MS attack last night? That should have been the reason why he wasn't there. Why did she tell everyone she quit?" Matt asks. No one answers.

"She didn't tell the truth about her ribs? Didn't the Secret Service break them?" Leo questions.

"This thing is going to spin five ways." Matt mutters under his breath. I couldn't care less. Donna is fragile and we need to help her.

Then her voices fills any empty space in the hallways. "DID YOU JUST CALL ME A STUPID BITCH!" Every man freezes.

"Oh no!" Toby whispers.

Every word gets louder, a combination of her rage and her approach.

"Listen to me you sad pathetic little man, in one press conference I have done more for this party then you have in five years. I have been called many things in my life time, many insults. But you, sir, have offended me in a way that the furries would appreciate. I haven't slept in 48 hours. I haven't eaten anything in 36 hours. In the past two days, my bus broken down, I had a bomb sent to my hotel, emotional fell apart, picked up the pieces, fell in a blissful state of euphoria, got a pedicure, was assaulted, called a whore, quit my job, called a bitch by a friend, watched all the men who just betrayed me nearly die, was thrown against a filing cabinet thus breaking my ribs, got to the hospital BEFORE the injured parties, organized an entire campaign, gave a press conference and YOU have the audacity to call me a 'stupid bitch'? If you had half the things happen to you that I had you would be in fetal position, weeping and wetting yourself. You couldn't even handle the convention; you had to get Leo to do it. So, you tiny, feeble, loser of man, you man call me many things, but a stupid bitch is not one of them." She stands in the doorway. "Today I am a warrior. You can call me an Amazon." She hangs up the phone with a sharp click and in one smooth motion throws it over her shoulder.

No one breaths. Everyone has the same thought. Damn that was cool. She looks at us will the fire in her eyes still burning, her rage is focused on us now. Oh shit.

"Now if any of you sons of bitches have anything thing to say, say it now. Just remember I am cranky and I am in total control of your pain medication!"

"Who's in charge of your pain medication?" Leo questions. Cindy who at this point has moved into the hallway and out of the shit storm that was about to come, rises her hand.

"I am." Donna still infuriated looks at us for more questions. I keep my month shut.

"Do you still work for us?" Matt bravely speaks.

"Well that is entirely up for negotiation."


	35. Chapter thirty four

Disclaimer: You know.

Author's note: It might be a few days before I update again, I have fallen behind in writing, but I think I will leave you satisfied for a while. Fun Monty Python References in the lines below. Something happens and I don't want to ruin it so reread the author's note after you finish the chapter. Donna is cranky and her reaction isn't what anyone would expect, but I think it is realistic. I didn't want some cheesy slow motion, wind blowing through character's hair moment, it just didn't fit the story or the character.

Josh's POV and Donna's POV.

* * *

"Do you still work for us?" Matt foolishly speaks

"Well that is entirely up for negotiation." Her fiery eyes stares all of us down. 24 hours of rage and frustration has been unleashed. Stupid stupid DNC guy.

"What do you want?" Leo asks.

"Shrubbery." Ok now I am doing Knight that say Ni in my head. Jackson and some new guy I don't know start to chuckle, smirks cross Toby and Will's face too.

"I am doing the witch trial scene in my head." Jackson laughs.

"I am doing the fight with the black knight." Smirks Toby.

"What the hell are you people talking about?" Leo snaps.

"She wants a house. Its Donnaspeak for she wants a house." I shed some light on the subject.

"Oh I can do that," Leo waves his hand as if batting a fly. "I've got a guy I'll give him a call."

"Do you want anything else?" Matt inquires. She stares at us blankly, clearly she didn't expect to get this far. Toby cough and hold up both of his hands.

"Ten?" She questions.

"Well I don't think I can give you ten, unless I take 2.5 out of some offending parties salaries."

Toby coughs again, nodding his head.

"Sure?" She questions.

"I guess I could get you one percent off the back end as well."

"Ok?" Still no clue.

"And I fancy new job title, I can't have Vinick stealing you away from us can I?" Matt smiles and glances at me. I know where this is going and its cool with me. "How does Campaign Manger sound?"

"Oh, ok?" She smiles. I don't think any of this even registered. "Sir, this thing is going to spin one of five ways. Good for you, Bad for you, good for me, bad for me, but the one that is most likely going to help you win is to spin it neutral, entirely issued based. What you wanted in the beginning, is now what we hold on to. How does that sound?"

"Perfect." He glows.

"Seriously Donna, I have never been more attracted to you."

"Thanks Toby, that is not at all creepy."

"I just wish we were wearing pants." Mutters Leo.

Donna calls to Ronna who magically appears with bags with our names on them. "You guys should thank Will for providing you with pants." Donna smirks. Will looks a little confused, but doesn't speak. He hasn't for a while. "If you aren't boxer men, you are now." Ronna distributes the bags. "You guys should go back to your rooms now, but I am going to ask you to do something for me in a little while." One by one my friends and Toby leave.

She stands in the doorway, my Donna, she looks pristine and slightly less pissed off.

"What just happened there?"

"Where?"

"With the congressmen what did I negotiate?"

"An extra ten thousand dollars to your pay check for the yearand one percent of any left over money we have after the election."

"SERIOUS?" Her smile widens. I am forced to mirror that smile. I have never seen her more radiant or stunning. Its like I am looking at a new creature, a new Donna. I wonder if this new Donna still has room for me in her exciting new life. "Does this mean you aren't campaign manager? Because I really didn't want to take your job away from you."

"It is fine, we will figure something out. Quite frankly the campaign is the last thing on my mind."

She looks at me as if I have lost my mind. But the truth is, I really don't care. Everything will work itself out. Or maybe I am on really good pain medication. But there are things that need to be said and I won't let this damn elephant be the end of us. She is still a glow over her new career. "Donnatella I don't want to keep doing this."

Her face changes, her smile fades. "I don't want to hind my feelings and dance around the obvious any more." Her eyes grow wide and horror fills them. "I don't want any more rules or stupid logic. No more elephants. I just want us. I am not going anything day without telling you."

"Josh, don't say it."

"**Donna Moss I love you**." She pinches the bridge of her nose and mutters something like I am an idiot, but it is too late. It turns out that I yelled I love you very loud and the hallway erupts in cheers.

"About **Freaking** Time LYMAN!"

"But I thought they were already _doing it?"_

"All Right."

"We know already!"

Now I know why she's pissed. There is about thirty Secret Service agents out there as well as our so called friends and the cheering isn't really helping matters.

"I just sucked the romance right out of that moment didn't I?"

Hmm, in all the countless hours I spend daydreaming about this moment, I ever expected it to go like this. I didn't expect the cheers, which would have done my ego wonders, but it shouldn't be about the others. It should be a moment about us, private and personal. I always imagined it with flowers and tears, maybe the wind would be blowing throw her hair. I have had nearly 58 different fantasies about telling Donna Moss I love her.

My favorite was we were still working at the White House and… you know what, it's a nice story but for another time. Mostly because we don't work in the White House any more and it would take away from the current situation.

I told her I loved her and she called me stupid or something I couldn't quite hear over the cheering.

Logically what I did made sense, I love her and I wanted her to know. We've been though a rough day and hell, I could die at any time. I couldn't live with myself if she didn't know.

The problem was she did know.

She's known the whole time. I don't know how long she waited and I blew it. Just add that to one more crappy thing I've done to her today.

* * *

Eight years. I waited eight years. I've dreamed about it, day dreamed about it. I've lost countless hours of sleep over it. I had nearly sixty different scenarios where Josh Lyman confesses his love to me, some were times he should have said it, some were all illusions made up by a frustrated and creative mind. There are even times when I tell him first. But I don't like that as much. Is it wrong to desire a man to tell you first? I think not.

None of the scenario involve near death experiences, (ok one of them did) a new job for me (Five of them did) or hoards of cheering fans.

The moment should have been perfect. Soft whispers, gentle caresses, sweet kisses.

Instead I am smelly, sweaty, it hurts to breathe, I have seven million other things on my mind, my head throbs and I want to kill him. "Jackass." I mutter under my breath.

"I just sucked the romance right out of that moment didn't I?" He tries to smile, but even his dimples couldn't save him now. Everything starts to sink in. The cheers start to die down. "I guess I am a crappy boyfriend."

"Well the label is still very much up for debate."

Wow that was harsh, even for the bitchy mood I'm in. My words make him shrink back. His eyes avert to his hands. I know this face, I know how bad I hurt him. After all he has been through today, all the uncertainty, all the revelations, I twist the knife deeper and pour vinegar into the wound.

Tactics, how do I deal with this?

"I guess I deserved that. I know I don't deserve you." Just when I think I couldn't feel worse and couldn't love more.

"Oh, Joshua." My tone is lies about my true feelings. It sounds aggravated and frustrated, which on one level it was, but on every other level, and there are many levels, it was sad. The truth is I am struggling not to break down and cry.

Then the goofiest smile beams across his face.

"What?"

"You called me Joshua." His tone a child like hopefulness.

"Well, that's your name right?"

"But you only call me Joshua when…" he stops, afraid if he speaks his discovery I'll backtrack. One small smile reassures him. "when its us." He fumbles with the words.

I understand his meaning. Us, not alone us, but together, intimate us.

"I am so sorry, Donna."

"You have a lot to be sorry about."

"I know." We sit in comfortable silence. "You know I am kind of out on a limb here." I smile, you know, this is the most I've smiled all day. I cross the room and sit on his bed. He's still pale and weak, I can see it everywhere. But it's his eyes that it is betraying him the most.

We need to talk business. I'll make him wait a few more seconds it seems only fair.

"Amy is here, she is going to come up and talk to you for a few minutes."

He starts to whine. "I don't want to see her!"

"She's been here for an hour. You have to. Ten minutes."

"Five."

"Until I decide to set you free," he nods and I admit a new truth. "You know, I kind of hate her less today."

He seems unimpressed. "That's nice."

"I need you to do me a favor."

"Anything." He knows what's coming. He has to.

"I need you to call your mom." Hmm I guess he didn't know. "Tell her you are ok. But mostly I need you to tell her I am the target. We really can't have her finding out on CNN."

He is a little taken back by my need to protect his mother, but to him it is a hopeful sign and he smiles and nods. My fingers continue to run through his hair. It's a good thing you are a live, Josh Lyman, because I am going to kill you. That's what I want to say. But instead I lean in, fire and throbbing rush over my body, and I whisper with my lips millimeters from his lips, "Joshua. I love you too."

All the pain, physical and emotional washes away as we kiss.


	36. Chapter thirty five

Disclaimer: Yadda Yadda Yadda

Author's note: Yeah I missed you guys too! Stupid life getting in the way of writing. Anyway I wish this was a great chapter, but it really isn't. It will get better. Donna's POV, Leo's POV and Josh's POV.

* * *

I leave Josh's room with a certain skip in my step, a glow in my cheeks. Things aren't perfect, but rarely in life are they. Life is good and can only get better. The reunions will soon occur. 

Helen Santos comes sprinting down the hallway and dashes into Matt's room.

"Did they check your vitals?"

"Um. It's just a broken arm."

"I don't even know what that means, I saw it on an episode of ER." I don't look into the room, this is their time, but I am sure some kissing is taking place. Amy makes her way into Josh's room; she gives me a small smile. I have work to do and I am trying my best to avoid my doctor's until its done.

I enter Will's room. He is fumbling with his shirt, I am just grateful I didn't walk in while he was fumbling with his pants.

"Will, I need to you write the press release for the statement about the target." He is half in his shirt, half out.

"Just checking but you were the target, right?"

"Yeah."

"How am I going to write, my arm is crushed?"

"Cindy said she would help you."

"That's nice of her." He mutters bitterly. Will is one of my biggest concerns he's changed today. Every time I see him, I recognize less of him.

I turn away and enter the hallway. That's when someone else calls me a bitch.

* * *

Donna Moss will never make it in politics. She's too sweet, too trusting and naïve. When it comes to women in DC there are two kinds, pit bulls and poodles. Pit bulls are women like Amy, Mandy, even CJ. They go for the jugular when they sense the slightest bit of weakness. Poodles are loyal and smart, but not mean. That's Donna. 

Sure, she's grown up a lot, matured and it's been fun to watch, but still she's not a pit bull and never will be.

"You Bitch!"

This is the third time today Donna's been called a bitch. She doesn't handle it well. I expect an attack. Bear in mind that an attack does not mean she is a pit bull, even poodles will attack when provoked enough.

I know the voice, its Andi. It should be fun to hear at the every least.

"How dare you?" Andi is a pit bull she won't stop until Donna is dead on the floor, cowering and weeping.

"How dare I what, Andrea?"

"How dare you use the father of my children as payback for your childish and bitter battle against the Congressman?"

"Andi it's not what you think." Classic poodle response, backtrack and appease.

"Hasn't our family been through enough tragedy?" Uh oh. Bad move, Andi.

"What?" I've never heard this voice come from Donna before, low, dark and deep.

This is a huge mistake. Andi is implying that her relationship with Toby is deeper then the one Donna shares with Josh. I should not be surprised if the fangs come out.

When it comes to their complex relationship, I have very mixed feelings. Donna left Josh, years ago and a part of me has never forgiven her. I should have stopped the relationship back then, I should have stepped in changed her assignment moved her somewhere else. It only got worse over the years. I when I stepped in, it just got worse and now all they seem to do is hurt each other.

"You heard me, bitch." I hear the clicks of high heels in the hallway. Reinforcement?

"You know what, that would have worked on anyone else but me." Donna pauses for effect only. "What tragedy would you mean, Andi? When Toby found Josh bleeding on the sidewalk? Yes that must have scared the hell out of him. But I don't recall him being injured. Oh yes, you family had another tragedy didn't it. Tell me did you _singe_ your hair when my car exploded. I would get off that pedestal you placed yourself on Andrea, the height is screwing with your vision. Where were you, I should ask? I arrived here thirty seconds before Toby and Josh and the others. Helen Santos was here before you and she flew here from Texas. Hell, Amy got here over an hour ago from Virginia. I called you nearly twenty times, the White House called you. If this was such a dire situation what the hell took you so long to get here?"

Andi finally answers. "He's my husband."

"No he's not, but I guess you should have married him when you had the chance." Andi huffs away.

I am glad Donna won. As pissed as I was at her for hurting Josh eight years ago, Andi hurt Toby worse and my anger is still hot.

See, but she didn't go for the throat. She danced around it, she could have said, "you left him, and you have no claim to him now." Or " Getting your self knocked up doesn't mean you are more important" or something to that to that effect.

Donna will never be a master politician she isn't strong enough or smart enough.

She is standing outside my door, she doesn't look in. I've seen this woman a million times and each time I get the same impression, soft, willowy, and fragile.

Amy greets her.

"You think I should apologize?" Donna asks.

"Hell NO!" I concur Amy. "Great job with the press conference." I don't think so, she screwed us more ways then I can think of.

"Thanks."

Now these two women hate each other, desiring different and yet the same things from the same man, this should be fun to watch.

As I watch them, I feel like a voyeur. This is a private moment between two women and I have no right to be spying on them, and yet I cannot look away. Could I be watching a car wreck or something deeper?

They stare at each other, eyes dancing, a secret being shared. "Donna, did you plan the whole thing?" Amy asks.

Then the smallest, slyest smile crawls across Donna Moss' face. She doesn't answer, she doesn't need to.

"You know what you did, right?"

Donna leans in and whispers something in Amy's ear. I can't hear it, but I watch her lips and I think she says. "I won the election."

Huh?

Josh bellows, "DDDDOOOONNNNNAAAA!" She calls out from where she is standing.

"Calm down Josh, it's a long way till November, there is plenty of time for you to screw up!"

What?

I don't understand. My eyes are opened so wide, they begin to dry out.

Donna planned everything? How did she win the election? My god, she created more battle ground states.

But Donna's a poodle. She's not a pitt bull.

No she's a new breed, one not yet discovered.

* * *

Amy enters my room, she looks different, smaller I think. Shaken. 

"Hi." She says and I repeat. Everything feels weird, going from my confession of my love for Donna to watching Amy standing in front of me. Hot and cold.

She seems so different from what I was once so attracted to. We exchange small talk.  
Are you in much pain? No. Were you scared? Yes. Do you need anything? No I am fine. My answers are short and sweet, I try not to lead on to the fact that there is another woman who I would rather be with. But she knows, Amy is many things but stupid is not one of them.

"You bitch." Rings through the hallways.

"Oh no." I mutter and hold my head in my hands. Stupid Andi. What the hell were you thinking? Amy and I remain very still listening, waiting for the inevitable attack. Donna sails into Andi, making her verbal ass kicking on towards the Chairman of the DNC look like a wrist slap. I don't know if the words or more harsh or the concepts around them make them more meaningful. Donna recounts a blend of old wounds as well as fresh one.

When Donna sounds like she is finishing her rant, Amy looks up from the floor.

"It was always her, wasn't it?" In this brief instant I watch as her heartbreaks a little. Funny I never thought Amy had any feelings.

"Yeah it was." She looks back at the door as we hear say final attack. She looks back at me and with a strange little smile.

"She did good today."

"Yeah if you called destroying our chance for election "good"?"

"You don't see what she did, do you?"

"I am a little drugged up right now. I am sure its something, she is a lot smarter then you ever gave her credit for."

"No, Josh, she is a lot smarter then **you** gave her credit for. Look you are very drugged up and it been a rough day so I'll let you battle this out in your head. Tell Donna the bag is for her." And she points to the shopping bag, she brought in with her. "See you later J." She doesn't kiss me; she just walks into the hallway.

That was weird wording wasn't it? "I'll let you battle this out in your head" Everything about the last five minutes has been odd though, right?

Battle. Battle was the word that didn't fit. Battle ground. OH MY GOD. DONNA JUST CREATED MORE BATTLE GROUND STATES!

"DOOONNNNNAAAA!"

No way. It can't be! One press conference. Ten minutes signal handedly changed the election. Will people vote for Santos just because Donna is on his staff? We will win on Donna's coat tales.

"Calm down Josh, it's a long way till November; there is plenty of time for you to screw up!"

Oh god!


	37. Chapter Thirty six

Disclaimers: You know what they are, should I keep writing them? Do I have to? What is the legal purpose, everyone knows I don't own these characters. What's the point in having to write it like a million times?

Author's notes: Thank you to everyone who has been leaving feedback, especially anyone who repeatedly posts and any one who is new to posting. OK that's like everyone, so thank you every much it makes me glow all happy like. I think chapter sums up everything that has happened nicely as well as adds new elements. The Plot will start moving along faster. Promise. Enjoy! POV Annabeth, Vinick and Josh.

* * *

Donna has passes the phone off to someone else, and that person hasn't hung up, purposely. Sixteen seconds after CJ informs me Donna changed history, Zoey Bartlet comes running into the room. "OH MY GOD! Did you see that?"

"Yes!" CJ nods.

Slowly people start to filter into the room, Carol, Margaret, but we all take notice when Dr. Bartlet enters the room. Then we hear the one line that will live in infamy. "DID YOU JUST CALL ME A STUPID BITCH?"

"Who is she talking to?"

"No way did someone just say that?"

"Well he's a dumb ass."

Then she launches into her full verbal assault. She calls the DNC a tiny loser of a man and declares herself an Amazon. By the end of her rant, every woman in the room is cheering.

"I want to be Donna Moss when I grow up," Zoey declares.

Me too. Who knew she had this fiery beast growing in her? I didn't, but in all fairness I don't know her all that well. Then she starts to renegotiate her contract, ten thousands later and a new title, CJ proclaims she too would like to be Donna when she grows up.

Whoever is holding the phone has walked into the hallway, most likely to give Donna and Josh some time together. Then rather loudly we here, "Donna Moss, I love you," followed by cheers.

There is a collective head slap from every woman in the room.

"I can't believe he told her like that?" Dr. Bartlet

"How long have we waited, eight years? What an idiot!" Carol.

"I am just glad it happened while they were out of the White House." CJ smirks.

We sit around the phone waiting for another explosion from Donna, but it never occurs.

Then once again someone calls Donna a bitch. I've never seen CJ's face change so fast. I recognize the voice, but I can't place it until Donna repeats her name. Andi, Toby's ex wife, and for some reason, CJ doesn't seem to like her very much. As Donna verbally attacks Andi, CJ stands and pumps her fist in the air. "That's my girl!"

Somehow I get the feeling that CJ wishes it were her screaming at Andi and not Donna.

Over the next few minutes nothing happens but we do here Josh scream her name. Damn it took him long enough; the press conference was like ten minutes ago.

In the past five hours we have scene Donna grow into something, or shed her skin and finally transform into what she naturally was the entire time.

A part of me wished I had known her from the beginning, at the start of the administration. I get the impression from the motherly pride and sisterly pride beaming on the others face's its been a long road for Donna to get to this point. I think the others are just happy they could see or should I say hear it.

"Quite a show." A voice comes one rather loud compared to the other voices, it startles us.

"Yeah, Ronna, just wish we had front row tickets like you do." CJ smiled.

Ronna says her goodbyes and hangs up. The other women in the room sit back and evoke stories of Donna. How do you leave your underwear at an art opening? She voted for the wrong guy? 20 hours lost with Toby and Josh, I think she should be eligible for sainthood. She really has come a long way, hasn't she?

I should try to hang out with her some time. The room fills with laughter and smiles, a far cry from the tension hours before.

CJ is still laughing a little when she picks up the call from Leo.

"Hey, Leo how are you feeling? That's good." Silence and CJ sits down, slightly paler. "I thought the target was Santos? It makes sense right? Leo, I don't understand. How could this happened? How long have you known? TWO WEEKS! Leo I never would have let her leave if I knew." We are all sitting now, smiles fading. "Yes I will inform the staff and the President." CJ hangs up the phone and rubs her temples. "Abby can you inform the President that the target of today's attack was Donna Moss? I think it would be best if he heard it from you."

"Yes, of course CJ."

No one in the room moves. The same thought is reeling in everyone's head. Who would want to kill Donna? How is that possible?

"Donna was the target?" Zoey's voice quivers. "Do they know who did it?"

"Not yet, the Secret Service and the FBI are looking in to it."

"LOOKING IN TO IT!" Carol bellows. "Its Donna, who would want to hurt Donna?"

"Did anyone check Amy Gardner?" Margaret asks. Small smiles appear across many faces, but not enough to make anyone laugh.

"Donna wanted the White House staff to know first, before the news went public."

"Family." Dr. Bartelt whispers under her breath then louder she states, "She wanted to inform family."

'I'll come up with a list of people who knew Donna personally and should know prior to the announcement." Carol stands and CJ nods in agreement.

"I'll tell Charlie." Zoey whispers.

One by one the room empties and CJ the Great Amazon herself is beginning to crack. I can't even begin to comprehend her emotional state. In one day everyone she cares about has been attacked, physically, emotionally, medically. I know she would rather be at the hospital, but her job keeps her here.

"CJ, I know I am not really qualified but if you want to leave, everyone would understand, I could watch the place for you if you wanted."

She gives an appreciative smile, "No you are going to be busy when the story breaks. But thank you for the offer."

"CJ, can I come with you when you go to pick them up?" My shyness sparkles through.

"Of course you can, Annabeth." She smiles and I have crossed the line from co-worker to friend.

* * *

Bruno comes storming in and out of my office, every time the press says something charming and wonderful about Donna he screams for a couple of minutes and leaves. Each time he becomes more agitated.

"How could she do this, damn it?"

"Weren't you the one who called her harmless?"

"Shut up! Do you here what they are saying about her, "She's saving politics." "She is sweet and endearing." "It takes a special kind of woman to stop a press conference to talk to her mother!" Do you know what they are saying about us? "Vinick is halting campaigning until the Santos campaign resumes its schedule." That's it!"

The phone rings and I pick it up only to shut Bruno up. "Hello."

The voice on the other side of the line seems tried and familiar.

"Hello, Senator this is Matt Santos."

"Matt, how are you feeling?"

"I've been better."

"I can imagine."

"Senator I wanted to thank you personally for pausing your campaign, I am overwhelmed with your kindness."

"It seemed like the right thing to do."

"Thank you again. The truth nature of this call is really quite different. Donna Moss has been in contact with you all day, as I have been told."

"Yeah, she is really quite wonderful, if you don't want to keep her employed I would be more then happy to have her."

"I don't think I will be giving up my new campaign manager."

"Good for her."

"Senator, she said she was going to call you about who was the target, she wanted to keep you in the loop."

"Yes she mentioned that. But to be honest I assumed the target was, well, um, you."

"I am afraid you are incorrect. The target of today's attack was in fact Donna Moss herself." He keeps talking but I really can't hear him. I don't understand, from what I could gather today, she is really very nice, why would someone want to hurt her? I've spoken with her seven times today, not once did she give any indication that she was in danger. She seems so concerned about everyone else. What other burdens is she carrying without the aid of her family and friends to help support her?

Santos says he is looking forward to meeting with me tomorrow. I say me too and we say our goodbyes. I hang up the phone and look at my staff that has now notice a distinct change in my demeanor.

"Senator is everything ok?" They only call me Senator when something is wrong.

"No, I am afraid I have been informed of the target."

"It was Santos, right?"

"No, it was Donna."

"Donna Moss?"

"Yes."

"Donna Moss was the target?"

"Yes."

"Donna Moss who used to work at the White House as Josh Lyman's assistant?"

"That's the only one I know of, Bruno."

"I don't understand, she's so nice."

"I thought the same thing."

"Are people investigating this?"

"Yes, the FBI and Secret Service."

"Did they check out Amy Gardener? Because I don't think she likes Donna very much."

"I don't know Bruno."

We sit in silence. We are shaken to our core, Donna should be safe, she isn't running for a public office. She is a private citizen who happens to work for a public servant. She shouldn't be at risk. If Donna is a target, I have to wonder who else could be next? Suddenly, I have a whole new appreciation for my staff.

* * *

Donna enters my room, slowly. She's been hiding from her doctor since the Press Conference. Even Cindy has been aiding Donna in her escape.

She sits on my bed and I point over to the bag Amy left, its comfortable pants and a tank top as well as a sweatshirt. Amy foreshadowed Donna would be spending the night here.

"How are you doing?" I rub her arm.

"Dreading the next phone call I have to make. Did you make yours yet?"

"Not yet. Do you want to do it together?"

"No I think I would rather be alone."

"Donnatella, you don't have to do everything on your own."

"I know, but this I do." I want to pull her against me, hold her to my chest and tell her everything is going to be all right. But I am not sure if it will be, and I can't handle lying to her any more.

Cindy enters the room, she doesn't knock, clearly she doesn't know us, or maybe she knows does. I don't know, she seems to follow Donna around like a puppy and take blood from me. Nice kid as far as I can tell.

"Donna, Dr. Patel is looking for you."

Donna sighs and hangs her head. "Is he going to ask about the other bruises?"

Cindy nods.

"Can I talk to my mom while he is examining me?"

"I don't see why not. You've broken every other rule we have here."

Donna stands up but her arm lingers just a little longer. She turns back to me, her eyes dancing with fear. I wish I could be there for her now, I wish I could leave this bed. Hell if I am wishing for things I wished none of all this crap happened.

"I'll come talk to you later." She smiles, but I know it is really masking all her anxieties. As she leaves I hear. "Mom, I am going to need you to sit down."

It's really not a bad way to start that conversation. I dial my mom, (Donna left a cell phone behind for me)

"Mom?" She picks up on the first ring.

"Josh, honey, are you ok?"

"I've been better. Of course I've been worse."

"Do you really think now is the right time to joke?"

"No, but it lightens the mood."

"If you say so. How are you feeling?"

"Physically I am on a lot a pain meds, I don't feel much of anything. Emotionally, well, I feel like I went ten rounds with Ali, Tyson, and Foreman. Besides that all is well."

"You are an idiot you know that."

"So I've been told."

"Why did Donna quit? Did you do something stupid?"

"Skipping right to the meat of the matter aren't we? You don't want to continue with the motherly banter with your son?"

"No, I want the truth, I've waited too long for grandchildren and quite frankly I am thinking Donna is my one and only shot at it." Nice choice of language Mom. She is going to pry the truth out of me anyway. I don't know how much Donna wants her to know, the stuff with Justin Hall, the fight, the bombing. I guess I could start with that.

"Mom, are you sitting down?"

"I am now. What is going on?"

"I want to talk to you about the target of today's attack"

"It was Santos, Right?'

"No."

"Was it you?" At this point I sort of wish.

"No."

"Donna?"

"Yes." Damn she's good. "Two weeks ago she started receiving death threats. She didn't announce it during the Press conference because she hasn't told anyone yet… but she didn't want you to find out on TV."

"That's very kind of her."

"She's a nice person."

"So why did you hurt her?"

"How do you know I hurt her?"

"She quit. You did something stupid. I know you, I know how sick you looked. I know you were throwing up, you had that same look when you broke the china plate when you were 12. Joshua, what did you do?"

"I said something mean and hurtful without knowing all the facts."

"Oh Josh, how could you?"

"Hey you wanna back off? If we didn't get into that fight Donna would be dead right now."

The words sink into my brain, linger and haunt. Donna could have died. If everything went as planned I would have told her I loved her last night, we would have had sex back in the hotel room and this morning I would be burying her. A lifetime without Donna. My stomach flips, my hands shake, breathing is suddenly very difficult.

"The words just sink in, honey?"

"Yeah."

"You got a second chance now. Don't blow it!"

"I told her I love her?"

"You jackass!"

"Thanks Mom."

"What a waste of two ivy league educations, when I think of the money we spent…"

"Thanks for keeping everything in perspective."

This is what my mother does, its were I learned it, deflect, joke, laugh it off, but then she hits you with the cold hard facts. "Son, there is something I want you to keep in mind. The next couple of weeks, it won't be about you. She will focus her energy on you, but you need to draw her attention back on herself. She's hurting 20 times worse then you are. She will need you, now more then ever."

"Yes, I planned on it."

"Did you? Really?"

"I am now."

"Good boy, now when are you coming down to see me?"

"Two weeks, I guess we have a week off for healing and then I guess we are resuming the schedule as usual."

"Good, bring Donna."

"I will. Love you, Mom"

"I love you too, Josh. Call me soon."

"I will. Bye."

"Bye."

I hang up; I think she knew, in fact there is no doubt in my mind. My mom knew, just when I think she couldn't possibly get any stronger, she amazes me.

Donna is going to need me, Mom is right, she will focus her attention on me, Will, Leo and Matt and when it isn't on that it will be on the campaign. She's going to crash, hard. And all I can do is catch her when she falls.


	38. Chapter thirty seven

Disclaimer's: I am not writing one.. that's right I am a rebel. WHAHAHAHA.

Author's notes: I wanted to move the story along. Lots of loose ends get tied up. People say what needs to be said. The scene with Donna and the President was one of the ideas that wouldn't get out of my head. Will's POV, Josh's POV, Donna's POV and Josh POV.

* * *

Donna enters my room; I fumble and fail with my tie.

"You need some help?"

"No I got it." I don't and she knows it. She sits besides my bed, and chooses her words wisely. She bats my hands away from my tie and starts to fix it.

"Your tie has ducks on it."

"Yeah I know, I think this is your doing some how." A slow and evil smile crosses her face. "Aren't you cheating on Josh by doing this?"

"No, he is only picky about the bow tie; all other ties are up for free game, even ones with ducks on them."

She is trying to get me to smile, but it won't work. "The press statement is finished."

"Great, nice job Will." She opens her mouth and closes it, she stops before she speaks. She returns to fixing my tie. "You have to look nice for your guest."

"I have a guest? But Elise won't be here until tomorrow."

"There are other people who care about you then just your sister."

Silence.

"Donna I will never be able to right what I have done to you."

"Will don't think like that."

"No, its' true. When I think about what you gave up for me, what you could have lost. When I think about everything you wanted to teach me and how I failed every test. Baker's wife, she was the final exam right? Is that why you asked Leo to hire me?"

"No Leo demanded you come on board. But I really wasn't ready to let you out of my sights It's no big deal, you just have to take the class over again." She smiles her sweet smile that could melt the even most jaded of hearts. But my heart isn't jaded; it's broken, torched and lost.

"After everything you have done for me, I threw you out to the dogs, I used you and your body. How can you sit there and fix my tie like there is nothing wrong?"

"Because if you hadn't have done what you did last night I would be dead. I think this beats the alterative. In its own ass backwards way you saved my life, that's how I can sit here and fix your tie and straighten up your hair." She starts to fix my matted and disheveled hair.

Silence.

"You are one hell of a person Donna Moss. In one press conference you created at least 10 battle ground states that would have voted for Vinick without a fight. And since either us or them can spin the story for a week, you've given the American public what they want, and issued based clean election. Your career will surpass all of ours." And all I will be able to do is watch.

"Will, its no big deal. Sit up, your guest is here."

"I will never be able to repay you."

"I'll think of a way." That evil smile crosses her face.

Donna walks out and Kate walks in. I sit up a little straighter, I certainly wasn't expecting to see her. She speaks and my stomach flips. "Hi. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit. You know Kate I won't be much fun tonight on our date, you might want to reschedule."

"It's fine." She sits next to my bed, just as softly and sweetly as Donna did.

I guess I should be honest with one person in my life. I guess I lost her, even though I never even had her. "I did something really shitty last night. It turns out this girl left the man she loved just help me out with my career and I used her as a whore." I expect her to walk out, scream at me and throw stuff

"We all do things we aren't proud of Will."

"You know, Kate, you are out of my league."

"I know." She smiles brightly. "Nice tie."

* * *

After a few instances with poking and prodding from the nurses, Toby enters my room.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Silence.

"So."

"So. When are you going home?"

"Tomorrow? You?"

"In about an hour."

"That's cool."

"Andi made me an offer. She said she would marry me if I left the White House. We would both go into private life and raise Molly and Huck. We would be the all American family."

"It's a good offer."

"You think?"

"No."

"I am still undecided."

"Toby, was Andi the first person you thought about when the stage blew up?"

No answer.

He turns to leave. "Josh, we're cool. OK."

"Ok Toby."

And that was it. Toby and I are friends again. It was shaking there for a few hours there.

* * *

It's close to four pm and we have been here for like eight hours. Santos, Will and Toby are being released. Josh, Leo and I are stuck here overnight. Thank God I changed into my comfortable clothes. My vile contempt for Amy has died today, since she was the supplier of a clean suit for the press conference and flannel pajama bottoms, with bunnies on them, a pink tank top and a hooded sweatshirt. It's the sweatshirt where she shines, I can be comfortable and not worry about my bruises.

Ronna, Ned and I are going over the final plans for tomorrow when the walking wounded enters the hall. Helen stands close to Matt, Kate hasn't left Will's side. Andi left two hours ago.

Then something happens. The hallway slowly becomes filled with more men in dark suits.

"Eagle and Flamingo are on their way." Jackson whispers to me. I wonder when it Jackson ate last.

CJ embraces me, but her eyes and thoughts are elsewhere. I know it, and she knows it.

"You here to pick up the boys?"

"Yeah I guess they need a ride home." She smiles. The president arrives and I turn my attention to him. He is walking slower now, with a cane more frequently.

"Donnatella."

"Yes Sir."

"Nice job today." Suddenly my vision becomes blurry.

He turns his attention to the injured parties and starts talking to him, but I am just trying to hold everything together right now, I don't know what he is saying to them, and I don't care.

Then a voice fills the air. One I've heard a million times, lately only through phone lines. It's so crisp and clear.

"Donna!" I start running before I realize it fully what is happening.

I jump into his arms. He raps them around me and lifts me up, fire and pain but I don't care. "Sam," I mange to say, before the tears start to flow. Sam. My Sam. Josh's Sam. Toby's Sam.

"Donna,. I am so proud of you." His voice was soft and sweet, but slowly starts to rise with excitement. "Your press conference was wonderful."

"Thanks."

"I heard you yelled at the DNC chairman."

"Yeah."

"I heard you yelled at Andi."

"Yeah."

"Way to go." I press my head to his shoulder and I realize I am getting his shirt salty and wet.

"Thanks Sam."

"You know I barely recognized you."

"Well, I am certainly not at my prettiest right now."

"No, Donna, it wasn't that." He smiles mysteriously.

Mallory, who showed up about an hour ago, emerges from Leo's room, "Daddy I will be here as long as you need me."

Sam turns to me, "Donna I will be here as long as you need me."

His eyes, "Is she looking at me?"

My eyes, "Yes. But if you use this as a chance to score, I will kill you."

His eyes, "I know."

We make our way back to the group and Bram come running up to us. He stops and stares at the President.

"You are the President."

"Yes I know that."

"Um yeah Bram what's up? How is the media reaction?"

"That's the President."

"Bram FOCUS!" Idiot.

"CNN, MSNBC, FOX and all the local stations are saying the same thing, 'Who would want to kill Donna Moss, she is so nice.' Mostly they are saying how you saved the election and they are expecting a huge voter turn out. The speaker of the house says when asked about his opinion of you and I quote, 'After working with Josh Lyman and Toby Ziegler for 8 years, she deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.'"

"I've always thought that too." CJ laughs.

"However there were questions about your relationship with Josh Lyman."

"Oh Shit." Josh bellows from his hospital bed.

"It was brought up on CNN one of the reporters stated, 'There is no way Josh Lyman and Donna Moss were having a relationship. If Josh was tapping that ass, he wouldn't be nearly as up tight as he is.' The reporter says he didn't know he was on camera or miked at the time."

Two for me, none for Josh. "Ronna, what's next?" Small smiles cross CJ and Sam's face.

"There are the appointments."

"Right. Congressman, Will and Toby you have appointment with psychologist to talk about what happened today. Toby you will not be force to go, but of you don't Annabeth with sing show tunes to you and paint your toenails pink?"

"Passion Pink or Petal Pink?" Annabeth smiles and holds up two glass bottles.

"I guess I can talk to some guy for a few minutes."

Annabeth frowns and I continue. "Congressman, your meeting is at one and your family as a meeting at two thirty. But you also have a meeting here at 10:30. Will, yours will be tomorrow at three and then you will be going to John Hopkins, they were able to fit you in."

"Goody." He refuses to look at Sam, or anyone else for that matter, his eyes have been focused on my shoes. I'm not going to tell him he has another meeting scheduled for in four days, not now, not in front of everyone.

"You guys will be staying at the Residence for tonight; the dogs aren't finished with your apartments."

"Dogs? I can't have dogs in my apartment my landlady will kill me." Will looks up. Then he gets it. Bomb sniffing dogs.

The Secret Service sent out the dogs for all the victims of the attack. No one needs to know they found a bomb under my bed.

"You guys are spending the night with family." Annabeth smiles, seeing a need for a subject change. "Your much cooler family in some cases." She nudges Will.

"Annabeth and CJ it will be your jobs to keep Toby awake." I hand over several DVD's provided by Ned of The Muppet Show. Toby's face lights up.

I run down all the schedules of pain meds until I know my boys are in capable hands.

Tomorrow I have two meetings before noon, both here at the hospital. The security meeting and whoever Leo called to look at my finances. Jefferson is going over to my apartment to get my paper work or lack there of maybe I can have him pick up some of my clothes too.

Sam is embraced by everyone and a small smile crosses my face, I turn to the president, "Mr. President, all you prodigal sons have returned." Sam, Toby, Will, CJ, and even Josh smile. Poor Annabeth and Santos are a little confused but they can clearly tell there is something significant going on here. Sam promises to pick Will's sister up at the airport and drop both sister and brother off in Baltimore.

Matt Santos stops and looks around, Helen is holing on to him, CJ stands near Toby, Kate has a death grip on Will's good arm. "I guess we are only as strong as the women who hold us up."

Slowly we start to disperse knowing full well we will meet together later.

Will is half way down the hall when he turns around and I feel his good arm around my waist and his forehead on my back.

"I am your bitch now, right Donna."

"Yes you are." I pat his good arm and he turns away, I watch his as he disappears down the hall.

Cindy stops me on her way out; she says she was really impressed by what I accomplished today. All I can do is smile; I am still not used to getting complements for people.

I have an offer to make her tomorrow; I can only hope she will take it.

Now all the chaos of the last few days winds down and I am left with the silence of the Hospital. Even Jackson left and some new guy took his place. The minutes seem longer and it is harder to keep everything together.

I almost died today. Someone tried to kill me and they missed their target and hit everyone else I care about. Everything that happened today was my fault. My mother's sobs of angry and fear are engraved in my brain.

I don't think I have even been this tried.

* * *

Sam and CJ left my room an hour ago. The President made his rounds to the walking wounded as Donna has been calling us. The chaos and visitors have ended and now they are preparing everyone for the night.

While Sam and CJ were in my room, she said she was amazed that Sam got here so fast. What he didn't tell her was that he was already on the plane, because he booked the flight last night. Sam was coming to kick my ass for hurting Donna. The ass kicking would be postponed for a few days, just until I am healthy enough to hold my own.

It isn't until after the nightly news Donna enters my room. For all her work in the media, she doesn't watch any of it. Of course she wouldn't, this isn't the career hungry Donna, this is another Donna, weaker and slower.

She stands in my doorway. "I can't sleep." I shift my weight in the bed and to give her more space if she decides to join me. As if instinct she crawls into bed and her placed her head firmly on my shoulder, she avoids my wounds and I avoid her ribs. Even broken we still fit.

"You were amazing today."

I feel her smile against my chest. "Thank you."

I listen to her heart beat; my breathing goes in synch with hers. My fingers stroke her scalp and her breath tickles my neck. The room is dark expect for the light seeping through the door.

"This would have been the perfect moment to tell you how much I love you."

My shirt starts to get damp and her breathing changes.

"Yeah it would be." She lifts her head from my chest. "Josh, will you ever be able to forgive me?" Her teary eyes and quivering lips are too much for me to handle. I press her head against my chest again. I hold it there, the blinking light on the TV across the room is getting blurry and I find it hard to keep my voice even.

"Donna you have nothing to apologize for. Not now, not before, not ever."

The water spot on my shirt starts to grow.

"But I was the reason you got hurt."

"I can live with that, but I can't live with is losing you, not ever again."

We don't say much for the rest of the night. Each lost in our own emotions, what ifs plaguing every corner of our minds; frustration that this has to happen to us over and over again, the horror of having to go back to square one.

She doesn't weep. She hasn't crashed yet, I know its coming, but it won't be tonight.

I think I am going to crash too. Yet I know she will be the one to catch me, her reflexes are faster then mine.

She is in my arms and she has drifted off to sleep.

Tonight, I cry. Not huge weepy, sappy tears, not tears of fear, or pain. I have more time with her and that's all the matters tonight.


	39. chapter thirty eight Game On

Authors' note: We are rounding the end of my little epic. This is just a transition chapter not a whole lot and sorry for the wait. Donna's POV and Josh's POV

* * *

My mood sucks. I've been poked and prodded. I spend two hours with a guy who found nine hundred ways to call me poor. I spend two more hours in a meeting to upgrade our security. It turns out; after we got bombed… we need more. Two hours to tell me what I ready know. My ribs hurt. Everything sucks. I don't think I would be nearly this bitchy if my pain meds didn't wear out three hours ago. I enter Josh's room, to find both Sam and Josh looking at my finical papers. 

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"Wow Donna you weren't kidding, you are broke!" Josh stares at my bank statements in amazement.

"Do I need to repeat the question?"

"Quick Sam, distract her with the present."

My mood lights if only a fractional amount. I like presents. Sam present me with a box shaped like a little house. I know what this is, he bought me one like it before. I pull out the teddy bear for its home. He wrapped the ribs with medical tape.

"There is a note, its says, 'Get Beary Well Soon.'" Sam's beaming.

"We used to pay you to write?" I asked.

"There is a lovely letter inside, relax crankypants. And Zoey sent over cake."

"CAKE!" I would have totally forgotten about the invasion of my privacy but then Josh starts to talk.

"Where is your retirement fund?"

"I don't have one. That's why were is Social Security."

"Oh no, you can't believe in that."

"There was a system Josh, I believed in the system. Toby saved that system."

"Yeah but it is a crappy system and you should not believe in it." Great now he's panicking about my financial situation. "And what the hell did you spend nearly five thousand dollar's on?"

Oh Shit is that in there?

"None of your damn business."

We hear the chattering of two Presidential candidates talking down the hall. Pissed he couldn't be in the meeting, Josh sells me out and announces to everyone I haven't been planning for my retirement. Both Santos and Vinick launch into a super over protective rant about the importance of sound financial planning. I finally walk out of the room.

Then Jackson starts to tease me too. "No cake for you!" I declare. I am trying to track down Cindy, she is supposed to be working today when I run into Bruno at the nurse's station, instead.

"Donna Moss, I underestimated you once. It is a mistake I will not make again." He smiles. I always thought Bruno's smile was sinister and slightly demonic, but today it makes a flutter with pride. Quite frankly that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me today.

No, I woke up in Josh's arms to him confessing his love to me. That was pretty wonderful too.

I finally find Cindy she is getting together my release papers.

"Donna, would you like to stay in one place for like five seconds?"

"I did, I was stuck in meetings for like four hours. Hey you got a second?"

She nods and leads over to some chairs. I am a little nervous doing this, it's my first time.

"Cindy, I have a problem. I have five men on a campaign trial and I don't know how I can take care of all of them at once. I need to focus my attention on political aspects, but if I am distracted by medical stuff there is no way we can kick ass in the election."

"You should hire a nurse." She states so matter of factly.

"I am trying to, do you know anyone?" I smile until she gets what I am trying to do.

"ME? You want me?"

"Only the best on the Santos Campaign, and you seem to know everyone's names. That's light years better then when President Bartlet was running the first time."

She starts to glow, I wonder if that's what I looked like when Josh handed me his id badge, eight years ago.

"It would be a lot of traveling, not much of a pay increase, but a wonderful opportunity. I'll give you a few days to think about it."

I stand to leave, the fire shoots through my body.

"YES!" She cries and Jackson and Jefferson give small cheers.

"There is some lingo you are going to have to learn for the trail, you ready?" I wait for her to nod. "When we know we are about to kick a whole lot of ass there is only one thing we say: Game On!"

"GAME ON, BABY!" She yells and pumps her fist in the air. I knew there was a reason I liked her.

* * *

Sam and Matt are standing around my room. Matt looks better, showered, clean, less covered in blood. Sam started into Donna's cake, a death move if I ever saw one. He's still pissed at me, but he's here to help. 

Matt recounts all the riveting aspects of the meeting this morning. I am glad I couldn't go and watched Good Morning America instead. None of us speak for a minute.

"You in?" I ask Matt.

"Hell yeah, I'm in!"

"You in?" I ask Sam.

"I wouldn't have flew across the country, coach, if I wasn't."

We have unfinished business with a Mr. Justin Hall.


	40. Chapter thrity nine Bad Cop

Author's note: I don't know how much of this the character would really do, but it was fun to write. I bring up some old love interests but don't expect them to show up later. It was just for fun. I just love the idea of the not so helpless damsel. Enjoy.

* * *

"Bad cop." I say pointing to myself. "Bad cop." I point to the others.

"Sam, stop humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song." I slap my head in disgust, Toby, he's my sanity today. "You should be humming the James Bong theme song like I am." Never mind

"Really because I have the "Rocky" theme happening in my head." This comes from the guy I want to make president.

"Hey I have "The Eye of the Tiger" in my head." This comes from the current president.

"Look do I have to go over the directions again? Who is the bad cop?"

"You are." Sighs Leo.

"Who else?"

"We are." Sign Danny Cancanon. "I vaguely remember you doing this once before and it didn't pan out the way to wanted it, Josh."

"Shut up, Danny, why the hell are you here anyway?"

"No one fucks with Donna. No one." Finally I thought I can agree with.

I take one minute to survey my army. Two guys with broken arms, Matt and Will, who just came was released from the hospital yesterday and he doesn't look so good. Leo, the man has had two heart attacks in a year, The president with MS, Sam is now singing 'Eye of the Tiger.' Danny flew in this morning and is till jet lagged, Charlie still looks like a child molester, because he is in an epic battle of stubbornness with Donna, and Toby, who had a massive head wound. Thank God for the Secret Service, otherwise I would really feel unarmed.

By the way, I shouldn't be standing more then one hour at a time, thanks to the piece of stage that pieced my side.

The door behind me contains one of the most powerful man in the country; in front of me are the others, who happen to be a little worse for wear.

I turn to face the door, fast on my heels. I have every urge to kick it down, but it would hurt too much. "Um, Jackson, do you think you could kick down the door?"

"Why?"

"Because it would be cool." Duh.

"I swear to God, I am moving to Canada."

With a great force the door opens up and I cry at the top of my lungs. "JUSTIN HALL!"

My army follows behind.

It's funny how people look different when you see then in different locations. I don't just mean clothes, but physically they look different. When I last saw this man he seemed like a huge juggernaut of a monster attacking my girlfriend. But now, he sits behind a massive desk, on a chair nine sizes too big, in an office that is less of an office and more of a hallway.

This once giant of a man looks small.

I can take him.

"JUSTIN HALL WE HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS!" I try to sound tough, but the office is so large I am not sure if he can here me, and it is an awfully long walk over to him.

I should say, not only does he look smaller then I remember, but he doesn't even look up when I call his name. My army is getting restless.

I walk over to him, Damn it is a far walk.

"Is this about Donna Moss." He looks up as I am half away across the room.

"Yes." I try to hold back my anger until I am closer to hitting him.

"Because you are too late, they already came."

"Who already came?" Matt asks.

Now we are nearing his desk. He seems to be shaking and his eyes are all blotchy.

"The Women." Justin says with a horror in his voice, his eyes wide and lips quivering.

"Is he crying?" Sam whispers in my ear. I think he is.

Justin tries to compose himself in order to retell the story. "They came in like a sea of breasts crashing into my desk. I yelled, "What the hell are you bitches doing in here?" I should have known that was my first mistake. A blond woman, clearly military, slammed my face against my desk. Do I have a mark?"

"Kate?" Will questions, in fact it was the first time he spoke the entire ride.

"Then two small blond women came for a frontal attack. One was small, very small and started yelling at me about how could I do something this horrible and think about the PR."

"Annabeth?" Toby's voice filled with confusion.

"Then the other blond, southern, and spoke with weird syntax yelled at me about women's rights or something."

"Ainsley?" A small horror filled Sam's voice. I still don't know what happened with those two.

"Then she stole my breakfast."

"Ainsley." Sam nods in confirmation.

"Was Donna here?" I find myself asking. This was the first time he looked up and really saw us, I think.

"She stood against the wall." He points to walls, fingers shaking. "She leaned against it, arms crossed, her eyes were burning a whole in my head. This small devilish smile, painted on her face, half satisfaction, half contempt. She only said one word the whole time. She was a statue on my wall, never moving or changing her expression." He starts to shake more as he recalls her stance. I know that. I hate that look.

"Then came the others, a giant woman, powerful, mean and tall."

"CJ." Toby said.

"The words she said to me. The words." Justin's voice echoes, low and shaken.

It takes him a minute to recuperate. "Three more attacked, one older, one VERY pregnant and with brown hair."

"Debbie, Margaret and Carol."

"One more blond,"

"Helen." Matt nods, he didn't even need an description. "Did she talk to you in a low, voice and stared you down?"

"Yes."

"Did she say she was very disappointed in you?"

"YES!"

"That's the worse." Matt sighs with sympathy.

"Then your daughters showed up." Justin stares at President Bartlet. "They yelled at me in stereo, your older and younger ones. But the middle one, she just stood there, staring at me, like Donna did. When her sisters when finished she leaned in, and spoke in the darkest voice I have ever heard, her words are still burning my brain, 'I am sure you think you are evil, you've done such horrible things.' Then she pauses and leans in. 'But forcing yourself on a woman doesn't make you evil. It makes you an asshole. Boy, you don't know what evil is.' The way she looked at me, the emotionless expression on her face. I thought she was about to show me, the true face of evil. But then Donna called her off. 'Ellie' was all she said. Now I don't have point of reference, but I am pretty sure that's the way Satan calls back Cerberus."

I glance over to Charlie, eyes wide, horror filled. "Ellie, did The Voice." Even Leo shutters for a second. "It was the only thing that could make Zoey cry."

"Then the sea of breasts parted and your wife came in." He was still focused on the President.

"Oh no." The Commander in Chief whispers.

Justin stops again, to compose himself, "I won't say, I can't say it, but I don't think I can ever have an erection again."

"Did they inject you with something?" Will asks. Slightly valid considering the history.

"No, why should I be concerned?"

Will just nodded.

"They said I was to be punished. I needed to complete 500 hours of community service, in a battered women's shelter and after that I need to build one on my own. The little blond woman said I could use it for PR, but Donna shook her head "no" and the matter was settled. I can not take over my father's company until it is completed. I have to check in with this Horrible Brunette, shrill and mean, Gardner something. I pity the man who took her to bed."

Amy was here? But she doesn't even like Donna.

"I have to write one page, hand written reflection for every hour I am there and hand it in, to some Mallory girl. She had to be a teacher, she had that look, you know, that I-am going-to- call-your- parents-and-your-life-will-be-ruined-look about her."

He places his head in his hands and starts to shake. "Oh god it was just so horrible."

"Should we give him a hug?" Toby asks.

"I wish you guys had gotten here first, men will just beat the shit out of you, but women… women they mind fuck you."

Well I have to say this whole adventure leaves me feeling a little deflated. There is an awfully nice paper weight on his desk that makes its way into my pocket.

"Well I guess we should be going now." I say and lead my army out the door.

We all stand in the lobby, looking around feeling the same defeat I do.

"Sucks to be that guy." Danny finally says.

"Kinda wish I could have hit him." Sam sighs.

"Let's take his stuff." Leo suggests. So we do.

* * *

We are all a little rowdy after our victory over the evil corporate mogul. Margarita's around for everyone, well not me, because of the pain meds, and not Margaret because of the baby. We shouldn't have been surprised that the boys showed up, but for some reason we were.

They entered the Residence, like slightly defeated warriors, more accurately they look like great warriors who trained for a long time, just to show up at a battle twenty minutes after it ended.

Josh leads them and is the first to speak, "Did you have a nice day Donna?"

"It was productive."

"We stopped by Justin Hall's office this morning."

"Really how is he doing?" I ask innocently.

"He is a shell of the man he once was."

"Josh, were you trying to defend my honor?"

"It turns out you can defend it just fine." He digs into his pocket. "Here I got you this." I recognize it as the ugly paper weight on Justin's desk. "It's like the thing in Jurassic Park, now we can clone our own dinosaurs."

"Gee, thanks Josh." I don't think I did a good job of hiding my confusion.

"Abby, I got you a vase." The President smiles at the First Lady.

"Helen, flowers." Matt hands his wife the flowers that were once in the vase. Both women nod with confused approval.

"Ellie did you have to do The Voice?" Her father asks.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." She shrugs.

"You guys didn't chemically castrate him, did you? Because after Jean Paul…." Our eyes are wide, Josh and Toby hit Will.

"Plausible Deniability, Will." Toby hiss in Will's ear.

"What?" The President asks. CJ, Toby, Josh, Will and myself start to shift our weight uncomfortably.

Then Leo saves the day, "No one messes with our family, sir. No one." Danny smiles, I wonder if he wants to write the story. But the way CJ is glaring at him I am thinking it isn't going to happen.

I wonder if this is awkward for Sam to have Ainsley and Mal in one room, hell it is probably worse for Josh, because he's slept with me and Amy. No one talks about the tension that is lingering. No one talks about it because Amy gets a cell phone call that takes our attention.

"Hello, Mr. Hall. I didn't expect to hear from you so soon, what can I do for you." I didn't expect Amy to show, not when CJ started to call together the troops. But I think it had less to do with me and more to do with having Justin Hall in her back pocket.

I look at the boys who are starting to stir a little. "I see, so it's missing? Yes I think I know where it can be found and I assure you, it will be returned." Amy's gaze is on the most powerful men in the world, who before our very eyes have turned into 10 year old boys. "YOU STOLE HIS COUCH!"

What?

Then the finger pointing starts, "It was Matt's idea!" points Toby.

"HEY!"

"You have to return it." I say.

"AWE Come on! It was SO HARD to get on the elevator!" Whines Jackson.

"We do many fun things on my detail but we Do NOT steal couches." A sentence I never thought I would ever have to say.

"Really it was _hard_. Can't we just buy him a new one?" Whines Sam.

"NO!" Cry all the women.

"But we have a country to _run_." Whines the President. Gee who is running the country currently, if we are all here? Cliff? Ed and Larry?

"You should have thought of that before you stole his couch." Berates Abby.

The men start to turn towards the door, clearly defeated this time. Josh lingers.

"Do you want me to pick up dinner?"

"No, I'll do it."

"See ya at home?"

"Of course."

"Do I really have to go back there?"

"Yes."

He kisses me on the cheek, and whispers "love ya."

"Josh, thanks for trying to defend my honor."

"Any time, Donna." And he leaves with the other warriors.

When we are convinced they are gone, CJ asks, "Why didn't _we_ think about stealing the couch?"

Well Duh, CJ. "Because we stole the chairs." Then every women in the room starts to sing the "Charlie's Angel's" theme song.


	41. Chapter Forty The Fall

Howdy, Justtwo maybe threechapters left. Lots of loose ends to tie up. So here it is, The Fall. I think all the phone calls with Helen are funny, but most of the chapter is sad and heavy hearted. Donna's POV Josh's POV Sam's POV and Donna's POV. Thanks for reading.

* * *

Faith, it's a funny thing. It's believing in something but not seeing it. It's something that can't be rationalized. I know Josh is behind me, even though I can't see him.

His arms wrap around me and starts to kiss my neck, his breath on my skin, a quite moan escapes my lips. It doesn't go unnoticed. His fingers touch the elastic on his boxer that I am wearing. His lips are the only things I can focus on. His hands are just too much right now.

"What was that for?" I ask when he pulls away.

"You are standing in my kitchen, wearing a ratty t-shirt and my boxers, your hair is still damp from your shower and it's all stringy." I am not flattered.

"Your point?"

"You've never looked more beautiful."

"I find that very hard to believe."

"If that's what you want to believe." He shrugs. "But I think it's the location that it getting to me."

"Your kitchen?"

"Yeah, you look so natural here. Um...not in the kitchen but my home, it seems like you belong here." Now my stomach does little flips and fire explodes in my back and moves to my face.

I can't say anything, afraid my voice might betray me, instead I bury my head on his shoulder. He keeps touching my hips and kissing my neck.

"How does your ribs feel? Did you take your meds yet?"

I love that he worries. "They're fine and yes. And you? I know we just changed your bandages but you need to take the little red pills with food in twenty minutes." He nods and goes back to kissing.

I know why he is doing this; there is no doubt in my mind. He wants me to know I am still desirable, but he does not expect sex. He won't push the issue, not just because of injuries but because he thinks I haven't forgiven him yet. Since he does not know when that is going to happen, he kisses me and holds me and tells me how beautiful I am. But he won't do this at night, when expectations are high, only when he knows we will be interrupted, so when we stop, I don't have to feel guilty.

It's the sweetest thing he has ever done.

"I love you." I whisper in his ear.

"I know, I am pretty great." Dimples flash on his face, damn he is so cute.

"Do you like the new sheets?" It was the first thing I changed; I mean no one should sleep on 200 thread count sheet.

"I like them because you are in them." It's cute when he thinks he is smooth.

We kiss some more, tongues explore, breathes moaned, hands very light touch.

BUZZZZ BUZZZZ BUZZZZ

"I hate Sam." His face filled with venom.

"No, you don't."

"Right now I hate anything that takes me away from you."

"Where are you guys going today?"

"Blockbuster, we are going to pick up the complete Extended Editions of the _Lord of The Rings_ and we are going to watch it here. That's cool, right."

"It's your place, I am just here as a visitor. Toby and Will coming over too?"

"Yeah. Matt too. What are you doing while we are out?"

"I have to get a packet together for Cindy and I wanted to read." His face falls.

Sam and Matt knock on the door. "You know you need to take the Secret Service with you."

"Yes," He smiles and touch his forehead to mine, he opens the door.

Matt looks frustrated and rubs his temples. Sam greets us with a wave. "You ready?"

"Do we need anything Donna?"

"If you could pick up some movies I would like and some more bananas and yogurt."

"Why not get banana yogurt?"

"Yuck that's just gross." I stick up my nose. Josh leans in and kisses me goodbye.

"I love you too Donna."

* * *

This morning's "activities" weigh heavy on my mind. I miss her, everything about her, but I don't want to push any of the issues. As we leave the building I give her a quick call., "Hey Donna, don't go into the top left draw of the desk in the office ok?"

"Why not?" Clearly this wasn't a place she was even thinking about until I brought up the idea.

"Because there might be something in there for you."

"REALLY?" She sounds so happy and alive.

"Yep. So don't go in there ok?"

"Ok, Josh." Click. She is so going in there.

"Awe you love her." Sam teases me and pokes my arm.

"Shut up." I turn my attentions to my candidate. "Everything ok?"

"No I think my wife is trying to kill me with stupidity." He sighs and rubs his neck. "We haven't stopped fighting over stupid shit since I got released from the hospital. We fight over everything. Do you know the wrath of crap I got for stealing the couch; you would think I stole the guy's kidney or something."

Sam looks down at his bruised knuckles. "That's sucked. Does this look infected to you?" Sam slammed his fist in the elevator door trying to move the couch. I shake my head at Sam.

"No, its not infected, you wuss. Matt, listen what you are going through is slightly normal. It's hard to explain, but it's like you are so grateful to be living and that it's the stupid shit that is all the matters. Life and death are just too big but little things like out dated milk is easier to handle. I don't think I am explaining it right, but it's normal. Donna and I got in our first knock down drag out fight after I got shot."

"But she was just your assistant then, right?" See here is when he makes huge error. I know when he meant to say, but Sam doesn't.

"Donna Moss was never JUST an assistant." Sam starts out. "She was a friend and a confidant, she is smart and funny and NO one in that White House considered her "just an assistant."" Each word gets louder and filled with more anger.

"I mean you weren't sleeping with her." Matt looks down at the ground.

"No at the time I was not sleeping with her."

"Seriously?" Sam questions.

"Yeah."

"But she practically lived at your apartment, you're saying nothing happened?" Sam is clearly finding this very hard to believed. "I mean I always assumed…"

"I got SHOT!"

"But you could have scored a blow job or something," calls out Franklin my Secret Service Agent. Jackson smacks him in the back of the head. Poor Jackson is leader of the Moss-Lyman Detail. Sucks to be him.

"You shouldn't be eavesdropping into our conversations." I warn Franklin. Matt sensing my discomfort with this conversation changes the topic.

"Are you guys fighting now?"

"No, this time is different. This time she blames herself for my injuries and I blame myself for hurting her. There is too much shame for stupid shit this time."

"How is she doing?" Sam asks.

"I can't tell, I think she is barely holding it together. I hate leaving her, even now." I pause and hope that Sam will understand the next sentence. "She started reading my law books."

"Shit! She's that bad?" Yeah he gets it. Poor Matt doesn't but isn't willing to ask either.

When we enter Blockbuster Matt gets a call in his cell. "Hey, Honey. The boys want _Spykids_? But don't we already own it? No, I don't want to fly down to Texas to pick up our copy. Fine, I will get it." He hangs up the phone. "See." Looking at me.

"Yes, truly a horrible demand from your wife, picking up a movie for your kids."

"No, you don't see Josh, in a couple of minutes she is going to call and ask for one for herself, and then she will want me to watch it with her. Next thing you know she will be sobbing on the couch because some 95 year old woman has cancer or something."

I am so glad Donna has good taste in movies. I guess I can pick some up for her, for while we are watching _The Lord of the Rings_.

Sam goes around and picks up the movies. I am picking up _Sixteen Candles_ for her as Helen calls again. "What? "_Sprited Away_?" It looks Japanese. Its not like that Pokemon crap is it? I don't want our children watching that crap. No it's just dumb. Fine will get it. _The Notebook_? Huh? That sounds like a chick flick. It is? You aren't going to make me watch it, are you? No, Helen I am watching Lord of the Rings. No, All the movies. No, I just saw the first one. Yes there is more then one. Well did _The Fellowship of the Ring_ even have a resolution? Merry and Pipin got kidnapped and Sam and Frodo were walking to Mount Doom. My God woman where have you been the last few years."

I lean in. "She hung up a while go. Didn't she?"

"Yeah. After she asked to get the Notebook." He sighs and his holds the three movies in his hand. "Do you think Donna's going to be ok?"

"We've gotten through worse then this. I think."

Matt starts to ring up his movies, I can tell the kid behind the register is trying to figure out where he has seen us from, but he can't place it. "That will be $65.00"

"WHAT?"

"You have a late fee sir."

"On what movie?"

"_The Hours_." Then his phone rings again.

"Helen, what is _The Hours_? Why yes there is a late fee. Oh really how is it my fault? Yes. I did play football in the house with the boys. I might have bumped the TV. It fell. Huh. Ok fine that one was my fault. But I am NOT watching _the Notebook_ with you. Lines must be drawn Helen."

"She hung up again didn't she?"

"Yes." Sam and I both start to crack up.

We leave Blockbuster and head over to a supermarket to pick up much needed food for the Epic movie watching. Something has been bothering me for a while and I really feel the need to say it and while I am picking up about three pounds of bananas for Donna I blurt it out.

"I need to make it work, Sir." He nods, thank God he understands. "But I am not sure I can. I know I don't want to lose her, not ever again. I had a plan sir."

"I helped him write the plan." Sam pipes in holding a bag of chips.

"I take it; I wasn't a part of the plan."

"No, but she was. Its just if you win in November." Pause, this thought has kept me up every night since Donna first asked me to stay. "It's the White House. I don't know a single relationship that lasted it, that survived it." Then Matt smiles, like he has been waiting for me to say this for a while.

"You know, it's just a job right. Sure it's important, but it's just a job. Put her first, Josh. Helen, even if I want to kill her right now, she comes first. The White House is just four years but Helen is for life."

The words take a while to sink in. Could everything really be that simple?

* * *

"You know, it's just a job right. Sure it's important, but it's just a job. Put her first, Josh. Helen, even if I want to kill her right now, she comes first. The White House is just four years but Helen is for life."

That's when I decided I wanted in. He's a good man. He's the real deal.

Josh and Matt continue to talk, politics, media, sports, whatever but I wanted in. It wasn't until we were half way to Josh's apartment things started to change.

Matt's cell phone rings. "What Helen?" He yells with the mounting frustration. "What?" then his tone changed. "Slow down, I don't understand. What do you mean Will quit?" Josh and I freeze. I guess we should have figured something like this was going too happened, but we were both so focused on Donna that Will was pushed to the sidelines.

"Ok Helen I am coming home. Love you." He hangs up the phone. "Josh, I think he stopped by to talk to Donna first. You need to get home." Before Matt even finished the sentence Josh was running down the sidewalk with his cell phone out.

"I'll call Toby and get someone down to Will's place." I tell Matt. He nods and I start to dial.

"Toby."

"Sam, I know, CJ just came into my office, Bob Russell just called her. I am sending Charlie down there now, to keep an eye on him ok."

"I think the movie is called off for now." I love this family, it doesn't matter what we are doing or who it's happening to, we form one net, to make sure no one falls too far.

I catch up with Josh as he fumbles with the door.

He's starting to panic. One time after Gaza, he told me his biggest fear with Donna wasn't her throwing her fist through a window, but pills. A far more dangerous situation.

"DONNA!" He yells and drops the food and the movies in the doorway. He follows her sobs and heaves onto the bedroom. Donna face is wrenched, body twisted and tight. Her knees are pulled to her chest, I don't know how she looks so pale and so blushed at the same time. Josh curls up behind her and holds her. I don't know what he is saying, but the tenderness and agony of the moment makes me feel like I should be watching.

Instead I put away the food. He bought her Ben and Jerry's and I don't want it to get all melty. I call Stanley's people and let them know of the situation. She has an appointment at 10 am tomorrow. I call Cindy as well, she doesn't seem to surprised but she makes an appointment for Donna at 8 am to get more x-rays, in case the sobs caused more breaking.

I write all of this down for Josh and pop my head into the bedroom. She's slowed down, but she is still crying.

"Donna, can you here me?" They both look at me like I am an idiot.

"Sam, she's sad, not deaf."

"I am going over to Will's." No one hurts Donna and gets away with it. Not Will, not Toby not even Josh. A few days ago when we were alone in the hospital I turned to him and said. "She's going to forgive you long before I will. But that's ok, because I will forgive you long before you forgive yourself."

"Sam. Don't." Donna's voice quivering, it's the only thing in her arsenal more powerful then her pout.

"He's been though enough." Josh nods.

He's grown up so much over the years. Both of them have. Donna's evolved into something strong and wonderful, and Josh has softened.

Josh's thoughts aren't about the campaign, or about politics. He put Donna first. I close the bedroom door and walk out of their home. I think they are going to make it.

* * *

Don't go into the desk drawer, who is he fooling? Godiva! YAY! I love this man.

I get settled on the couch. I can't believe they stole the couch. Some how I don't think a career as art thief is in his future.

As I start to get working on the binder for Cindy, a knock at the door interrupts me. Will is standing in the door way elbow resting on the door frame, bloodshot eyes won't even make contact with my own. His arm is in a cast.

"Are you feeling alright Will?"

"I wanted to see you first." He's drunk the alcohol lingers in the air. "Here." He hands me an envelope. I take it but I don't want to open it.

"What's going on?" Fear fills my voice.

"I am leaving the Santos/ McGarry Campaign. I don't belong there."

"What are you talking about? Of course you belong with us."

"No, I would only be there because of you. You got me the job in the first place. You are my teacher of morals and values, but I think I need to work on my basic skills for a while."

"Will don't do this! I owe you everything. Without you I would never have had any of the opportunities, I did. You helped build my career."

"And you have out grown me. Your future is bright and one. When you become the first female president I'll come work for you, but until then, I am afraid I can't. There's a letter in there and a check, I sold my half of the ski house. You really should have money put away for your retirement."

He turned and started down the hallway.

"What if I need you?" I call after him.

"Then I will be there. But Donna, I don't think you ever will need me."

I start to shake as I close the door. Tears start to shower and rain on the carpet. Somehow I make it to the bed. Each sob, each heave send pain through my body, each breath is agony. It hurts so much it makes me cry and the cycle starts all over again.

I cry over what I have lost, one of my closest friends, innocence, beliefs, and a basic understanding of the world around me.

I cry over what I have gained, fear, anguish and a sense I can not trust anyone any more.

I hear him come in. But I don't respond. He's here, but I am too wrapped up in my sorrow and thought to respond.

Faith. Believing in the unseen.

He wraps his arms around me, behind me, but I can not see him.

He whispers in my ear, he loves me and that he is here for me. He tells me to cry and let it all out.

He doesn't tell me to stop. Even though it kills him to see me cry.

He doesn't tell me everything is going to be ok. Because he doesn't want to lie.

He just rubs my back and kisses my skull.

Sam comes in and says he is going over to Will's. If Josh is Lancelot, Sam is Galahad.

I tell him not too and Josh agrees.

Poor Sam thinks these tears are all over Will.

Josh lets me cry until my body can't handle any more and I fall sleep. When I wake up, he is still there, still rubbing my back and kissing my skull.

"Hi."

"Hi, yourself. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Are you going to talk to me about it?"

"One day, not today, its still to raw."

"I understand, but you aren't going to wait a year like you did with Gaza are you?"

"That was your fault too, you know."

"I know." I roll into his chest.

"Did you read Will's letter?"

"Yeah, it was well written."

"Did you see what he gave me?"

"Two hundred thousand dollars, it's a nice going away present."

"He gave me an audit."

"Well, that is the gift that keeps on giving." He makes me laugh.

"Thanks for the candy."

"You weren't supposed to go in there."

"Do you want some?"

"Yes."

But he doesn't move. Neither do I. We lie there in our bed listening to each other breath. Hoping and praying the storm is passing. And if this storm does pass, praying that another one does come on its tail.

"Josh, thanks for catching me."

"Any time, Donna. You're going to catch me when I fall, right?"

"I always do."

Faith, believing in the unseen, knowing that he will always be there to catch me before I hit the ground.


	42. Chapter Forty The plan

Author's notes: I was going to make this the last chapter but I changed my mind. I decided to switch the order of the last few chapters. A couple of references to _Wicked_ in here, if you catch them. Mostly Josh does a lot of very sweet stuff for Donna. Enjoy! Donna's POV and Josh's POV.

* * *

Finally I leave the doctor's office; Josh is reading a two week old _Time_ magazine. He stands up when he sees me and starts to rub my arms. 

"How are you feeling?"

"Better, I guess. Were you waiting long?"

"Nah, they got me in for a 45 minute session."

"Stanley's guys are the best."

"Yeah I guess." He leads me out of the office and down to the car. I am exhausted from this morning's x-rays and a three hour therapy session. "You have a choice to make."

I grumble, my brain is too filled with emotions for any major selections.

"We can either go home, lay around on the couch all day and watch comedies from the 80's then order take out…"

"Sounds perfect." I rest my head on his shoulder as he rubs my back.

"Or, you can take my car to that place you like to get your nails done, meet Helen and CJ there, get a manicure and a pedicure and a facial, go back to your apartment and change into that red dress I told you to buy years ago and meet me for dinner. I made the reservation myself. This place has the best desserts in the district and Georgetown together. Of course the choice is all up to you."

"Well, hanging out and being a slacker all day does sound very temping but I am going to for the fancy option." Mostly because clearly he worked hard in planning it, I could never refuse.

So next thing I know, Dominique is helping me pick out which color best suits my eyes or something like that. Helen's bitching that she and Matt are fighting of ridiculous stuff, I assure her it's normal and that Josh and I got in our first real fight after he got shot. She makes no follow up questions about how we are doing this time around. I mean after an emotional breakdown, one tends not to want to talk about such things.

Helen confesses a similar concern of my own, "The White House scares the hell out of me." She's afraid about the eyes of America watching her marriage.

"They only see what we let them see." CJ assures her. Helen is not a stupid woman by many means, she knows, perhaps better then Matt, the strains and pressures that are insure if we win in November. Stories will be leaked; public embarrassment is destined one way or another.

"Is it worth it?" She asks, her eyes focused on the paint being applied to her ring finger.

"There is no job better in the world. There are days when you know you have changed the world."

"For the better?"

"Only history will know, but still, it is incredible." CJ assures her.

"What about you, Donna, do you think it is worth it?"

"I guess it depends on your priorities. For seven maybe eight years, Josh was my number one priority, for six months my job was. I've had most obsessive extremes."

"What do you like the best?"

"What it currently is, a healthy blend of both. Aside from the emotional rollercoaster I've been on in the last week, I don't think I have ever been more satisfied and at peace."

Much to my surprise Annabeth comes storming into the serine day spa and starts commenting on everyone's color choices.

"Donna, I am going to loan you Annabeth for the first week of campaigning, your image is fragile right now and you need someone to look out for you."

"Sorry, Donna but you are going to have to grin and bear it your new found popularity." Annabeth smiles.

"We still don't have a speech writer." Helen whispers.

"Annabeth, can you pull out my cell phone and press 5 and hold it to my ear." She does as instructed, "Sam, it's Donna, I have an offer for you."

* * *

The next few hours seem like a life time. Am I really this much of an addict that I can't bear to be away from her for more then two to three hours? You know what I have learned, pacing back and forth in my, um, our home doesn't make the time go any faster. 

Its little things laying around here, which remind me I don't live alone any more. There aren't any dishes in the sink and my books are in alphabetical order. Her toothbrush, next to mine, her toothpaste because mine isn't good enough, its like she belongs here, like she was always here, but invisible and now I can suddenly see.

Everything, for the first time, feels right.

5:45, she pulls up with my car, we have plenty of time for our 6:30 reservations.

"Miss me?" She smiles.

"Terribly." I lean in. "I got you a present, a couple accurately. You can get them when we go home."

"Then why did you tell me now?"

"So you have something to look forward to. Do you want to stop at the bar before we get our table?"

"When was the last painkiller you had?"

"This morning, I reached for the Lucky Charms and firey pain shot up my body, I thought I was going to pass out. But it was only half of a pill." Listen to me I am justifying myself to her. I swear to God if she brings up my sensitive system… I am calling off the whole thing. She gives me a weary look.

"You can have a half a glass of wine with dinner and only after you've eaten something." Donna loves rules.

Once we are seating, Jackson and Jefferson are two tables away keeping a watchful eye, our waitress recognizes Donna and starts to ask her questions about the election process. Donna's not used to this and at first starts to answer them shyly, she even points me out to the waitress as a Genius Political Mastermind, but since I wasn't on TV recently and the waitress doesn't really care. She also lost some of her tip.

When she finally leaves, Donna and I start the serious talk I had planned.

"I think you should take the BAR."

"What?"

"Look, I don't care that you are reading the law books to avoid the many issues you could be avoiding…"

"Gee thanks."

"But I want you to do something with it, take the BAR."

"But I didn't even finish college."

"So. Take the test. If you want, I'll take it with you."

"I'll think about it." She says rolling her water in her glass. Good I win!

Dinner comes and so does the waitress filled with questions about the Electoral College, which Donna explains with patience and care.

She asks me about dessert, if I have picked out what I was going to get. I told her was going to order something she would hate so I could eat it all myself. This was a bad move because her fork was armed with a baby carrot; fortunately my dimples disarmed the situation.

Most of the dinner conversation is about work, some is spent reliving old and happy memories. But it is those rare moments when either of us speaks, and we share that thought filled silence, that's my favorite.

She starts talking about some story from her childhood, something about a rabbit and an otter or something. The music has caught my attention. Music. Yo Yo Ma. Shit. Damn it! My heart starts to race, my breathing becomes shallow, and hopeful I am hiding it so she doesn't notice.

Donna reaches for her purse and grabs the waitress, "Can we have the check, now?" She hands over a credit card.

"Sure thing, Ms. Moss."

"What are you doing?" I hiss.

"We are leaving."

"You shouldn't be paying and you didn't get dessert."

"You have a very long time to buy me dessert, besides rumor has it that you have some form of present for me back home."

"Donna!" I yelp, like that is going to make any difference.

"Josh," she entwines my fingers with hers, "I am catching you before you fall."

The ride home my stomach feels like it is filled with ADHD butterflies on crack. We walk hand in hand up the stairs and into the condo. I lead her into the bed room where an box is on the bed.

"Nice wrap job," she smiles and teases, "Can I open it?"

"It's just a box, what's inside, I didn't get at OK." She nod and sit on the bed. I sit next to her, stroking her hair. I need to keep my hands busy so they don't start to shake.

She opens the box and takes out the first item, a folder. "Gee, Josh I don't know what to say." She smiles sarcastically.

"Open it." I start to kiss her neck, only so I don't have to watch her face. I know what the folder contains, and the funny thing is, this is the smallest leap I am taking tonight. If this doesn't go over well, I can stop and distract her with…um.. Shit, think of something to distract her with… Godiva, she didn't eat all of it yesterday. Done!

"It's a picture of a house." Her voice shows her surprise and the smile on her face. "What this about, Josh?"

"It's my house in Connecticut. I bought it ten years ago and I've been renting it out to pay the mortgage."

"I didn't know you had this."

"I never told you. You said in the hospital that you wanted shrubbery, and I want you to know you have an option in Connecticut." With ever ounce of strength I tell her to turn the page. I keep kissing her shoulder and neck; I simply can't deal with her eyes. My hands are shaking and I think she can tell. She grabs a hold of my right hand and kisses it, before turning the page.

"Josh!"

"Um, they are listing of houses in DC and Georgetown, some are in Maryland and others are in Virginia. I don't know what style of house you like, so there is a huge range in there. I don't know what will happen in November but I wanted you to have some choices." My voice is quivering. She strokes my hand with her fingers. I close my eyes and tell her to keep turning the pages.

"What's this?"

"Um, they are closet inserts I was thinking about getting. You could put your suits and shoes and girly stuff on them."

"Josh." Her voice softens, her warm lips pressed firmly to my forehead.

"Turn the page." There is a key taped to the back of the folder.

"I already have a key."

"This one is different. It's engraved." I watch her fingers trace the key behind the tape.

"Home." She reads the engraving, her voices shakes.

"Donna, I am asking you to move in with me." I figured I would just say it, incase she didn't get all the hints. Still I can't bear to look at her face, I can't handle if it's disappointed. When she lifts my chin, my eyes are still closed. Her soft wet lips press sweetly against mine.

"I love you," she whispers. "Can we move some of my stuff in tomorrow?"

My eyes flash open, the brightness of the room blinds me for a minute and I have to blink before I see her glowing smile.

Peace. Those crack addict Butterflies start to die away.

"Yeah, whatever you want." Then I revise my statement, "No pink. No pink walls or flowers or crap like that."

"I don't have anything like that."

"Good."

We kiss and grope for a while before I remember the rest of the contents of the box. I gasp a little between steamy kisses. "There's more."

She returns her attention to the box. She pulls out a marble notebook, like the ones from high school. In blue sharpie is written "Josh's Future Plans." Why the hell do I label shit like that?

She looks at me, eyes asking permission if she can look in it. I nod.

**Year one June: Bartlet for America**

_If we win. Work in the White House: Hire Donna. Dump Mandy._

_If we lose: Move to Canada, clearly the country has lost its collective mind. _

_Dump Mandy_

_Take Donna with me, she needs to keep away from losers like Dr. Freeride_.

_Year two:_

_Four years in the White House!_

_Avoid Mandy_

_Keep Donna, she needs to get a raise if she is to live in DC. _

_Year three: Post Shooting_

_Improve healthcare, doctors shouldn't get sued for dumb reasons. Expect Dr. Freeride, he can get sued for being a dick._

_Can't live without Donna- I know it for a fact. Give her a raise, keep her happy. Sabotage all of dates._

"JOSH!"

"Oh, like you didn't know that's what I was doing."

"Of course I knew, but I didn't know you wrote it down as a plan."

"It's a good thing I got rid of the other notebook filled with all my ways to destroy your social life. Keep reading_."_

_Year four: _

_Donna is dating some other guy- short and Republican. It won't last._

"JOSH!"

"Well it didn't!"

_Start to see other people. _

_Start to Date Amy_

_DUMP AMY NOW!_

**Seriously DUMP HER. SHE'S EVIL and will try to kill you to get your job.**

"Sorry, Sam wrote that."

"Well I agree with Sam."

_Amy's no Donna._

Year five.

_FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEAR! I have a job for four more years. Four more years with Donna. _

_Shit, I have to wait four more years to be with Donna._

_UGH!_

_I need a plan. _

"Sam helped me write this. He drew pictures too, but I crossed them out. Let's just say, unsavory."

**How I will win Donna's Heart.**

_Keep her working for me, seeing her every day and not having her is better then not seeing her at all. (Although very sexually frustrating_) (**DUMP AMY**) ( _I WILL_!)

_DO NOT GET BACK TOGETHER WITH AMY OR MANDY._

"Sorry about that."

"Grumble."

_Do NOT find another candidate and run him for election- it will only postpone this plan._

_Tell her I love her. Make it perfect._

"Sorry about that, too, Donna."

"You're forgiven."

_Tell her two weeks before we leave the White House, but start dropping hints over the years. _

_Start to date Donna._**She can't be your assistant anymore, have her help you find a new one**.

_Move to Connecticut, take her with me. _

_Marry her_. **Make Sam your best man; I'll start to write the speech now**.

_Run for Governor_

_Win_

_Have kids one maybe two_. **NAME ONE SAM, it's perfect for a boy or a girl.**

_Wait a few years._

_Run for President. Donna would make a wonderful First Lady._ **MAKE SAM CHIEF OF STAFF BECAUSE HE IS SOOOOO COOOOOOOOL.**

_Retire and live happily ever after. _

"Um, Sam was a little drunk at the time."

"Duh." I start to run my finger tips up and down her arm, she shutters a little bit.

"Josh, did you mean every word of that?"

"Yes." I bite a little at her ear lobe.

"You want to marry me?" Damn you, butterflies.

The words get suck in my throat, but I manage to say, "One day." No pressure, but laying out my plans. No big deal. Just look at her, I need some form of feedback. Her eyes are wide, and a little watery. But it's her smile that takes my breath away. Ok, keep talking.

"I am not proposing now. I want to wait until after November, see this plan doesn't really work if we win. And if we win it leads into a whole bunch of new issues that I want to work out. But no matter what, come, December, January and the rest of my life I want you there. If we win, you come first. I won't do what Leo and Toby did. I will not make the same mistakes."

She nods; these issues haunted her thought as well. She blinks and it causes the small tears that had been forming in her eyes to fall. She starts to kiss me again, pulling off my tie and unbuttoning my shirt. Her hands explore my chest, her mouth on my scar, sending waves of mind numbing pleasure through my body.

"Donna's there's more."

"More?" She looks up eyes wide. "Do you want me to stop?" Her hands moving down to my pants.

"Not really, but if you want everything..." She reluctantly pulls away and turns her attention to the box.

She pulls out one last item, a shirt box covered in snowmen wrapping paper. I hate Christmas wrapping paper, I bought one roll six years ago and all of her gifts are wrapped in the same paper.

"Sorry, it's late."

She opens it, God I hate watching her opening presents, (this is the reason the other stuff wasn't wrapped.) She is so careful and pulls off every piece of tape and folds the paper in a perfect square, I think she does it because she knows how much I hate it.

She opens the shirt box to find thirteen envelops and another rectangle box.

"Um, I wrote all the letters on the flight back from Germany and a bought the real present back in October, but you left before I got a chance to give it to you. " Sorrow pains her face. I gently kiss her forehead, "you have nothing to be sorry about Donnatella."

She nods, but doesn't really believe.

The first envelope says, "Read me first!"

So she does.

_My dearest Donnatella, _

_I had a plan. I really did. I wrote it down and everything, Sam helped. My plan was not to tell you this until two weeks before we left the White House. I figured on some level you already knew. _

_Donna Moss, I love you. I've been in love with you for a long time. I can't place the exact moment, believe me I've tried. I think one day I fell asleep not knowing and I woke up knowing I loved you. _

_For you and only you I am a man of occasion. So I picked today to tell you, Christmas. _

_My confession was hastened only because of the events that have taken place in the last few days. You almost die and because of that I felt like I almost died too. To loss you would be the greatest loss I would have even known. _

_You are probably mad at me; most likely I've been a jerk to you. I might have been avoiding you or dismissing you. But please understand, handing you this letter is the single hardest thing I have ever had to do. This paragraph might be irrelevant or truth, I don't know since I am writing this, months before I am going to give it to you. Please don't give up on me if I am being a jerk. _

_I don't know how you are feeling right now, I don't know if you feel the same way. But I have an inkling that you do. It's just thirteen more months, hell nearly 84 months; this should be easy, right? I wanted you to know my intentions, to know my watchful eye is near by. _

_In thirteen months I am going to take you in my arms and kiss you like you have never been kissed before, if it is at all possible I will make the earth stop moving. I can't live without you, and I don't want to._

_Every month you will get a new letter, just as reinsurance that my feelings haven't changed. I will only ask one thing in exchange: Don't fall in love with any Irish reporters along the way._

_Your love now and forever, _

_Joshua._

Perfect circles land on the letter. She looks up at me, bambi eyed and sweet.

I dig under all the other letters, "Here. Forget it; you will take to long to open it." She laughs through her tears making one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard.

The snowmen shed their skin to show a black velvet box. I open it for her. She gasps.

Diamonds, thirteen of them, to form a V on a platinum necklace, I search for months for this before I found it. I was about to ask if she likes it when she stands up and walks into the bathroom.

"Donna? Are you ok?"

"Fine." She calls out. "I am fine, just stay there."

I do as I am ordered. The knot and butterflies tighten in my stomach. She's been just barely holding on, did I give her too much? Too much too soon? I just wanted her to know what page I was on.

She opens the door. She is wearing the necklace. And nothing else.

She stands in the doorway, bruised and beautiful, willowy perfection. Oh shit!

"Donna, I didn't do all this so you would forgive me! Look I am going to be sorry for a very long time, please understand that…."

She puts her finger to her lips. "Shhh." The sound rushes my blood everywhere on my body. "Joshua, you were forgiven for all you misdeeds by the time I was in the police cruiser and on my way to the hospital. No red lights." She walks very slowly to me, the bed and all the letters and papers I've given her tonight. She crawls onto the bed and kisses my neck, her skin cool to the touch, her lips warm and inviting.

"But why now?" I've been dying over here for six days. She rolls her eyes at me.

"We had to wait until we got the all clear from Cindy. You're healing nicely and we can resume all physical activities. But if I hurt you, let me know and I will stop." She smirks.

"That would have been nice to know." That's why she didn't tell me.

I don't know how or when my pants came off. I don't know when we started making love. I do know she makes me wear a condom, (which she bought today, clearly she had plans of her own) because with all the meds, she doesn't know if it will negate the pill and she doesn't want our child to have a tail. I don't blame her for that.

I looked up at her, watching her hair fall in front of her face, her back arched, her mouth parted and I knew, I knew she was the only one, and I should have told her a lot sooner.

Afterwards she lies with her head on my chest; I finger the necklace with one hand and stroke her back with the other. Her blond hair tickles my skin and everything about me feels alive and yet very relaxed.

"I have a gift for you too." She whispers.

"Really? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because I didn't want all your thoughts to be about your gift."

"I think you severely underestimate yourself."

She rolls over and leaves the room. She comes back with a book. The History of Baseball. I smile down at her. "Open it."

"OH MY GOD!"

"Do you like it?"

"OH MY GOD!"

"Josh?"

"HOLY SHIT! Donna do you know what this is?"

"Yes, I bought it."

"It's a pass to seven days at spring training with the METS. THE METS!"

"You are even staying at the same place the players stay."

"THE METS! SEVEN DAYS WITH THE METS!"

"I figured even if you get caught up in another filibuster again, someone will still call you, "dude". You can bring Toby, Sam, Charlie, and Will, if you want."

"Donna, this is the single greatest gift of all time!"

"I think you are over selling it." SEVEN DAYS WITH THE METS! WOW, I can't even afford…

"The five thousand dollars!"

"Um, yeah, you really shouldn't be looking at my bank statements. That was the final payment."

"Donna, how long did it take you to save for this?"

She doesn't answer. The way she is avoiding my eyes tells me more. "Two years?" She shakes her head. "Four years." The Amy years, the dark ages. She shakes her head.

She sighs, "When you gave me the skiing book. I started saving then." My eyes widen, and I run my fingers through my hair, she has a mysterious smile on her face. "You didn't think you were the only one with a plan, did you Joshua?"


	43. Chapter Forty Two Ties that bind

Author's notes: This should have been the last chapter I think it ties everything up together nicely; all the running jokes and themes come to a head here. There will be one more chapter after this, but it like a bonus chapter; it doesn't really fit into the story as a whole. This one you are about to read is the true end of the story. So if you didn't give up after the attack of Justin Hall or after the stage blew up, I hope you feel so form of satisfaction. Enjoy! All Donna's POV.

* * *

"Yeah, sure you are here now, but how long is _that_ going to last?" This is what I hear when I walk into Will's apartment, what I see is a different story. Kate is trying very hard to hold everything together, when clearly she wants to drop kick him. And Will, well, he's clearly drunk. Very drunk. 

Josh and Sam both turn their heads and unison cry, "Oh God!"

"Sorry I didn't know who else to call, his sister left this morning and…"

"It's fine Kate."

Will turns his attention to me. Great this should be fun. "What are you doing here? Haven't I done enough to you? Haven't I hurt you enough? Why do you keep coming back for punishment?"

"It's just the good natured person I am, Willy."

"Don't call me that! Donna everything I touch turns to shit."

"Wow, that's like the worst superpower, ever!" Sam adds, Josh starts to giggle. Fantastic it's going to be one of those days.

"Will, look, I am fine with you needing some time to figure your life out. I am ever slightly ok with you going back to Bingo Bob to lick your wounds but I will NOT let you sit back and ruin every relationship you have. There are still a lot of people out there that care about you, although, right now I am not sure why."

"No! I am a mess. I am a juggernaut of pain. All I ever do is hurt and disappoint the people I care about. In my epic battle to come to power I have managed to crush everyone I care about in my wake of destruction. Donna, I am a _dangerous_ man, you should be intimated."

"It's very hard to be intimated when you are wearing rubber ducky boxer!" They're light blue with little yellow duckies on them surrounded by bubbles.

I expect the reality of the situation to hit 5…4…3…2..

"OH MY GOD!" Now. "I am standing in my living wearing only my boxers."

"Yes you are." I say rather flatly.

"Josh and Sam and Oh my GOD KATE! Kate, I am so sorry. I just said horrible things to you."

"I know I was here." Equally flat.

"Will why don't you get dressed?"

He looks defeated. "I can't." Holding up his broken arm, like a red badge of shame.

"Josh, Sam go help him out!" I pinch the bridge of my nose.

"You know when I said I was going to help you out this week I didn't think it meant helping Will get dressed and moving your crap into Josh's place. I hurt my hand again, does it look infected?"

"NO SAM FOR THE ONE MILLIONTH TIME IT IS NOT INFECTED!" Josh yells and pushes Will into his bedroom.

This action leaves Kate and me alone.

"Sorry about this." I feel the need to apologize after all it was MY idea that got them together.

"Its ok, it's the best date I've been on in months." Yikes!

The rest of the gang is already at the restaurant; Leo wanted to take everyone out to dinner before we left for the campaign trail again. I quickly pull up the menu, that's on the internet. I call CJ at the restaurant and start to order for everyone. "Are you writing this down? Josh will have the mixed green salad, the London Broil well done. Sam will have the Caesar salad and the pecan encrusted roughy, Will is going to have the house salad, French dressing and the fettuccini with shrimp and I will have"

"Leo already ordered for you."

"What Leo already order for me?"

"Yeah you are getting the Kobe beef special!"

"Kobe Beef, but that's a $90 steak."

"$120. Also all your rooms for the rest of the campaign have been upgraded. I think he still feels guilty."

"Cool, let him! Kate what do you want?"

"Um the chicken I guess." With all the order's placed all we can do is sit around and wait for the guys.

"How did you do that?" Awe filled in her eyes.

"Do what?"

"Order for them?"

"I don't know, I practically lived with them for years. Josh is easy he always orders the same thing. Sam has a sweet tooth so whatever meat has something sweet on it is normally what he gets. Will needs something he can eat with one hand and will absorb some of the alcohol."

"I couldn't order for any of my husbands."

"These guys are just predictable I guess." I look around Will places, and low and behold there it is, a giant picture of a duck. Should I be surprised?

"Nice necklace." She points out, and I instinctive touch it and beam with pride.

"Thanks Josh got it for me."

Finally the boys come out and Will spends most of the car ride over apologizing. Dinner is wonderful, best damn steak I have ever had. We ride over to the Kennedy Center, little known fact, it is a center and not every room in it is made for a symphony. So when we enter a small room with a modest stage step-up no one really questions. Fools. Only a handful of people know what play we are going to see.

I stand up in front of my family to say a few words. Matt and Helen are sitting in front of the President and Dr. Bartlet. CJ and Toby are next to most powerful couple in the world. Zoey and Charlie are next to Toby. Leo is next to Charlie. Will and Kate are in front of CJ and Toby. Sam and Mallory along with Annabeth are in the same row. Josh is next to Annabeth, waiting for me to come take my seat.

"Hello everyone."

"Hi Donna." In a freakish unison.

"I just wanted to thank everyone for coming tonight. I have a few quick announcements before we start the show. I would like to formally welcome a couple of people in our merry band of thieves. Annabeth and Kate, you're stuck with us for life, even if you escape our clutches you will still come back. Case in point: Sam Seaborn. Matt and Helen, congratulation, you are officially adopted into the family."

"One of us, one of us Gooble Gobble one of use." Toby leans in and whispers.

"Gee thanks." Matt smiles.

"There has been a few staff changes in the Santos/McGarry Campaign. Because Will is an idiot and is currently wearing rubber ducky boxers…"

"Thanks Donna,"

"Any time Will. Anyway, we have some positions changing. Annabeth will be with us for a week, you know, to keep me popular. Will is cutting back his hours, I am not giving up on you yet, so he will be working for us only ¼ of the time. Toby is under the same work plan as Will, because they are both my bitches." A huge evil smile works its way across my face.

"What did Toby do you be your bitch?" Charlie asks, (I am currently on speaking terms because he shaved. He said he had a problem getting into the White House yesterday because the Secret Service had stopped him. I gave Jefferson some cookie this morning as payment.)

'Oh, Toby knows what he did." Poor Toby hangs his head in shame.

"One more change, Sam Seaborn will be joining the staff, part time." Josh stands up, I didn't tell me this, I wanted it to be a surprise.

"SAM! Sam's joining and we get Toby and Will TOO! Dude you are SO going to WIN!" He high fives Matt and nearly crushes everyone in the row.

"Sam will also be working at the White House when he is not with us."

The President's face lights up. "Really? Really really?"

Ellie comes running into the theater with comments from her father along the lines of,

"What you can't make it to dinner but you can show up here?"

"I wanted to see the play." She shrugs.

"Now you have a playbill under your chairs." I say and conduct a wave of people to go under their chairs.

Groans, come from all the men. "Mama Mia!"

"Donna, you said you loved me." Josh whined.

In the back of the theater Jefferson whines, "I just got 'Lay your love on me" out of my head."

"Sorry, there are no plays about Secret Service agent broking the rubs of a woman half their size."

"I SAID I WAS SORRY!" Jefferson cries with frustration. I just laugh it off and I take my seat next to Josh. He places his hand on my knee. He squeezes it when the actors start to sing. Once in a while I catch him glaring at me, well, him and every other man there, expect the President, he seems to be enjoying it. He's singing along. I think we found his guilty pleasure.

Somewhere near "Does your mother know you are out?" I feel a tap on my shoulder.

"Can you come with me Ms. Moss?" Jackson appears, this is odd, he has the day off, and he shouldn't be here. Josh gets up too; he doesn't ask for permission, he simply follows.

"Are you here to save me Jackson?" My beloved man asks. "Let me give you a low down of this play. Mom sleeps around and doesn't know who her daughter's father could be, daughter wants to know and invites all possible candidates to her wedding ALL SONG TO ABBA SONGS! This is a morality play for safe sex and DNA testing." I elbow Josh in the arm. "What? It is."

Ron Butterfield, Jackson and Mulder are all waiting for me. The blood rushes out of my face, I start to shake and Josh holds my arms.

"Is everything alright?" He manages to speak for me.

"Ms. Moss we are pleased to say we caught your stalker and he is currently in police custody." Ron smiles at me.

I feel like I can breathe again.

Josh jump and pumps his fist in the air. "YES!" This outburst brings the entire play to a screeching halter. Actors, musicians, audience all turn to Josh. He gives a small wave,  
"We got him!"

"Really Josh, you were there storming the castle?"

"Shut-up Toby! You can resume the play now."

One of the actors calls back, "It ok we'll wait." Josh doesn't take this as insult and turns his attentions back to me and the agents.

"At 1900 we apprehended the suspect in his apartment, we have evidence of a another bomb and a confession from him." Another bomb?

"That guy was coo coo for cocopuffs alright. He had pictures of you EVERYWHERE. He was in his lab developing more… oh my god you were wearing THAT dress in the newest batch of photos."

Josh, Ron and Jackson all turn slowly to the idiot FBI agent.

"You need to leave, NOW because they are going to do much more damage to you then I will. Go" I point to the door. "Now." And Mulder scurries off.

Ron wants to tell me more, lots more about how crazy and dangerous this nutcase is, but I really don't want to hear it.

"Do you two want to come watch the play?"

"No thank you Ms. Moss you enjoy your evening. There will be some paper work you will need to fill out, but it can be done in the morning before you leave." Ron leaves with a small wave.

This entire time, it was a stranger, a nameless faceless stranger who picked me to unleash all his rage of the world on it. The good guys won, the world is safe for now. But still it is still a little unsettling.

"Jackson does this mean I will no longer have a detail?"

"No, you will still have one, mostly because no one wants to give you up. There is a lingering fear of a copy cat attack and since you will be higher profile now, it's better to be safe then sorry." He shrugs.

"Come watch the play."

"Abba is a musical Swedish genius! Really!" His mood has drastically improved.

Jackson nods and we return to our seats with cheer, when they die down the play resumes.

It's funny and quirky and the main themes are marriage and family and somehow watching it there is no better end to this hectic week.

Each character sings about, love and fear, family and friendship. Ties that bind. Josh's fingers are intertwined tightly with mine, mostly because he doesn't trust himself from a massive groping attack.

Love

Marriage

Eight years ago I answered his phone. Just one act, one simple gesture and I changed my life and his. Now I am about to do it again. I lean in and whisper in his ear, "When you ask, I'll say yes."

A small smile inches its way across his face, dimples in full force, he squeezes my hand and his eyes face forward. He doesn't say anything, he doesn't have to. When the play ends he is the first to rise to his feet. When the applause begin to fade, he asks, "Do you know anything other then Abba?"

Singing is the single greatest expression of joy and sorrow. It heals old and fresh wounds.

The actors started the singing but we continued it. We occupied the stage, the seats and the isles.

I will tell you, you have never really lived until you have seen, Josh, Toby, Sam and Will sing "Baby Got Back."

The Secret Service sings "Joy to the World" for me.

Annabeth blows s all away with "Strongest Suit." From Aida, who know such a tiny person could have such a big voice. Hell if this press thing doesn't work out for her a life on the stage could.

Laughter became the air we breathed. Smiles became our light. Our bonds were stronger and unbreakable.

I became a silent observer, watching Leo laugh with his brother, CJ glancing over to Toby and he turning away shyly. Charlie held Zoey in his arms like she belonged there, like they were one person. Will smiled with Kate, sharing rare moments of privacy. Annabeth flirts with the Agents while Sam and Mallory have a old and heated debate.

There was a quick brief moment, I almost missed. Toby glance over at Will. Eye contact made, a head nod in each other's direction. Healing.

Dr. Bartlet danced with Leo, while The President danced with his middle daughter.

Helen and Matt steal quick kisses in the chaos.

Josh's dimples are focused on me, and the soft look in his eye reminds me on the one truth of the world.

Its little things that keep us together, its little things that can break us, not everything needs or should be earth shattering events. Quite, sweet moments, real and raw, sung or shouted, that is what fills our instant of time we spend on this earth.

A calming peace sweeps over my body, watching them, my family, my love, I know it doesn't matter who wins the election in November, the country will be in fine hands either way. Job security, saving the world from itself, all of those things are important, but the ties that bind is more important.

Tonight is special one of those rare nights when everything falls into place. Looking back on my life, this night is one of my favorites. The future is uncertain, but bright. There are few things that are guaranteed. Sam, Josh, Charlie, Toby and even Will, will be brothers. CJ and I will be sisters with some news ones thrown in for good measure. We will thrive under the watchful eyes of our parents.

Faith, believing in the unseen, and knowing you never have to fall too far before your family catches you.


	44. Chapter Forty Three Dairy Queen

Author's note: This is one of those scenes that was in my head for a while, but didn't really fit anywhere within the story. Mostly I write things that are fun for me and if other people like it that is super cool. This chapter doesn't really have a wonderful ending or anything, but I wanted to say goodbye and give you a little chapter too.

I would like to thank EVERYONE who left feedback, this story was my first attempt of writing in a very long time. I didn't know it was going to be so long, but I hoped you enjoyed it. I was so nervous to post anything I wrote on the internet and your feedback means so much. I really want to thank kursk who posted every chapter and nearly gave me a heart attack when (s)he (I don't know) would predict what was going to happen. You rock! JDfanatic LU78 TheoMarie, shelly 123 and weather gal, thank you SOOOO much for posting regularly. I don't know who you guys are but you are amazing! If you posted a lot and I missed you, sorry, you rock too!

Thanks for reading. I will be starting at new story very soon. The chapters will be longer, but not as many.

Josh's POV

* * *

So here we are, Wisconsin, who knew it was going to be a battleground state? Who knew that Matt and Senator Vinick would pick it as their kicking off point to re-launch the campaigns? Donna did apparently. We are all standing around the convention center waiting for the event to start. Vinick and Bruno are around here somewhere, the Secret Service is out in full force. 

"If you boys are good we will go out to Dairy Queen after this." Donna smiles coyly. Jackson and Jefferson high five each other and Sam starts to beam.

"Dude, I've been thinking about blizzards all day!" Jefferson exclaims.

"I am going to get a Butterfinger one." Sam is suddenly a five year old boy.

"Are they going to hand it to us upside down?" MATT? Oh come on, you are going to be President one day!

Donna nods, she is clearly enjoying this more then she expected.

"DONNATELLA!" The word is bellowed across the convention center. Now I know only three people are aloud to call her that, and since I didn't say it and the other person is in the oval office right now, a sinking horror washes over me.

"DADDY!" Her face lights up. A huge man, seriously HUGE like a linebacker with blond hair and very pale skin comes running up to her.

"Do all white women have freakishly huge fathers?" Matt whispers, and declares that Donna's father looks a lot like his father in law, huge.

"From my experience, yes." I manage to answer back. Don't think about all the naughty things you have done to this man's daughter. Don't think about the times you have seen here naked, or.

"Daddy, this is Congressman Matt Santos." Donna starts the introduction while her mother comes over. Donna was clearly Daddy's little girl, you can tell by their interactions.

Sam, Leo Annabeth, Helen even Jackson and Jefferson shake Mr. Moss' hand.

"And, Daddy this is Josh, my boyfriend."

His eyes burn my skull and he is already disapproving of me.

"Didn't you used to be her boss?"

"Now Thomas, we talked about this. We knew this was going to happened." Donna's mom smiles at me. I love her, she's the best.

"Yeah, but we thought it was going to happen like six years ago! What the hell took you so long boy?"

"Josh is a chicken shit, sir." Thanks Sam.

Leo and Matt start to rant and rave about how wonderful Donna is and all I can say is, "Yeah she's great." Ugh this guy must think I am a total tool.

Again that disapproving look appears on his face.

"Ms. Moss there seems to some disturbance at the front gate. A man says he knows you, A Kevin Riley?"

"Kevin?" Her color rushes from her face.

"Dr. Freeride?" I gasp out, am I smirking? For eight years I have waited and waited to meet the man that tossed Donna aside, the man who changed my life forever.

"Should we let him in?" Jackson is clearly looking for approval from Donna, but I jump in.

"YES!"

Donna and Sam glare at him as if I have lost my mind. She looks at me like she wants to say a million things at once.

"You already won, remember that." She whispers in my ear.

"Donnatella!" She cringes. Annabeth gasps in horror then catches herself. A man, mostly bald, tall but about thirty pounds overweight comes over to us.

"Kevin?" Donna looks confused, clearly the last eight years haven't been as good to him as it was to her.

"Donnatella, how are you?" He seems to excited to see her, his arms are open to embrace her, but the icy stare on her face makes him stop in the tracks.

"Don't call me that."

"But."

"No, now what can I do for you?" Behind her stands her army. They start to introduce themselves.

"Leo McGarry, former Chief of Staff, I am running for Vice President." Hands shake

"Sam Seaborn, former deputy Communication Director, speech writer." Hands shake harder.

"Matthew Santos, Congressman, I am running for President." I've heard the words many times, but never with such anger.

"Annabeth Schoot. Image." But she doesn't shake his hand, just a small wave.

"Cindy Bell, Donna Moss's personal assistant." When did she show up? Did she get a new job title? Or is she faking it.

My turn, what to say, what to say.

"Josh Lyman, Boyfriend." I crush is hand in the shake stare him down. But there is no real victory with this one. Donna was right, I did win.

"Didn't you used to be her boss?" He raises one eyebrow.

"Once a long time ago."

"What can I do for you, Kevin?" Donna repeats the question.

"Um, I wanted to talk to you about lawsuits against doctors, maybe we could go out to dinner and discuss it." Donna' father makes a noise, displeased sound, to match his face.

"Well, Kevin I am sorry, but we don't really have a stand on that platform yet, but we will take it into consideration."

"Consideration?" He hisses.

"Yes."

"Oh I see, now that you are some big shot you don't have time for the little people." She goes to say something but he barrels through her. "No, I see, you were to busy fucking your way to the top of Bartlet's sickly administration to help anyone else. Too busy giving blow jobs to your Jew boyfriend…"

Now readers, I would like to say that it was my fist that made connect with Dr. Kevin Riley's nose, breaking it and sending that bastard on his ass. But it wasn't.

It was Donna's.

She stands over him, livid shaking. Her right foot placed on his chest , holding the very startled man down.

Her voice is crisp and clear, "It's **PRESIDENT** Bartlet, you arrogant son of a bitch." Sam and I exchange glances, smirks and pride. Donna turns to Matt calmer and sugary sweet says, "Congressman we need to get you back stage. Mom, do you want to see where they drop the balloon?"

"Can we shoot him?" Jackson asks, his gun was pulled from the holster around the time Dr. Freeride accused her of being a whore.

"If you shoot him, we aren't going to Dairy Queen." She calls back to them.

"Why most you rule with an iron fist?" Jefferson calls back.

Our attention turn back to the offending man, I was about to bend down and help him up, after all, it is amazing to me how one small insignificant man like himself could history, when it comes down to it. Hell, I was about to say that when he opened it mouth.

"I used to fuck her behind a Dairy Queen."

Rage. See I was going to be nice, I was going to be a gracious winner. I look over at Jackson who nods and talks into his walkie talkie.

"I am going to need a black out on cameras seven, ten, twelve, and twenty two."

I feel the devilish smirk make its way back onto my face. You know I really didn't feel every satisfied after my encounter with Justin Hall.

"What the hell are you smiling about?"

"I am not in the mood for ice cream."

A few minutes later I am walking back with Donna's father, shaking off the pain in my knuckles. He says he knows why I waited so long and he has concerns that other people will say the same things about Donna, sleeping her way to the top.

"It won't happen. Donna is beloved by Republicans and Democrats and no one in the press would dare mess with her. Besides, I won't let it happen." I ask him for his blessing to marry his daughter, not now this instant I assure him, but one day. He smiles at me and that's all I need.

When we find the others, Cindy is reassuring Donna that she could tell that Kevin used to be attractive and not to worry about it. Annabeth just wishes she could have punched him and that it was on camera, every scorned woman in the 50 states would have voted for Santos, just to help out Donna.

"Hey when I am President can I call you Donnatella?"

"Only of you call me Donnatella Queen of the Amazons."

"I don't think I will be doing that." Matt smiles.

I hold her in my arms, forgetting that her parents and half the staff is near by, and tell her how much I love her.

"You punched him, didn't you?" She frowns.

"Maybe." If I don't confess maybe she will let me have a bite of her ice cream.

"It felt good, didn't it?" Her eyes wide and devilish.

"Yeah."


End file.
